The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

This book changed my life. It changed the way in which I perceived things. It changed the way that I address trauma with my family members. It changed the way that I was able to communicate with other perfectionist by understanding their perfectionist values. I listen to the audiobook read by the author, and I highly recommend. A soft voice that truly feels as though she was talking to my inner child telling me that it was OK and everything was going to be fine. That I wasn't broken and that there's so much joy I have in my perfectionism. I listen to it loved it so much I immediately went out and bought the book so that I could start highlighting and reflecting even more. So happy, I stumbled upon this in a moment of self discovery- would highly recommend anyone who feels as though they fall under the label of perfectionist to read

I'm planning a wedding and I've had to revaluate a lot of things in my life and what really matters to me. I based this book of the title alone thinking I was going to maybe get some tips to fix some of my behavior or just letting things go and giving slack to people I care about helping me with an event I care about. (like, no one will as invested in your wedding as you...ya know), things going as planned or not as planned... You know.
I feel so superficial now thinking this, little did I know that this book will change my life. I've changed my outlook - I can't explain it but It feels like this book was made for me at this time.
I've been trying to change things about myself but I'm approaching it to like obliterated instead of learning to manage and use it to my advantage. This idea was really striking to me. Learning that joy is not conditional, and there was a segment about suicide. The suicide chapter was what I needed.

“I'll never get what I want - I'll lose what I have” was my biggest revelation. Living in this state of constant fear and depression is what has lead me to really powerful suicidal thoughts since like 2022 - I've told my partner this year about them when I started to plan. I never could put into words my dread - but this is it. It's this circle of “I'll never get what I want - I'll lose what I have” is basically my drive.

This book has changed me. Excellent read - embrace your perfectionism instead of tearing yourself to pieces.

This is a must-read for anyone who even slightly identifies as being a perfectionist. The author is a therapist with the ability to encapsulate deep truths in simple statements; this is currently the all-time most highlighted book in my library (414 highlights).

While she presents 5 types of perfectionists as personalities she’s noticed in her practice, this isn’t a huge talking point in the book and I love her caveat at the end that, like many other frameworks presented by other authors, her labels are just additional lenses that might be helpful.

The entire book is uplifting, encouraging, discusses trusting yourself, self-compassion, self-forgiveness, self-worth, types of perfectionism, being present, making meaning, and so much more. There are patient stories/breakthroughs as examples of concepts she’s presenting.

If you’re even slightly interested in this book - just read it. I’d also recommend On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen.

"When you’re in an adaptive space, you allow what’s perfect for you to change because you know that the perfection is coming from inside of you. When you’re in a maladaptive space, you’re not connected to your wholeness (perfection), so you try to outsource perfection. Your world becomes superficially perfect while you’re miserable on the inside." (Katherine Morgan Schafler, The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control)