I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life

I'm crying. I'm laughing. I'm accepting. I'm healing. I'm learning. I'm loving.

I Am Ace is exactly what I feel like I needed. A book on aceness that actually approached Asexuality as humanistic and not scientifically. Cody shows that love is possible. That sex is possible. That relationships with others are possible.

He opens up the world and says “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL” without the condescending bits we tend to hear such as the “despite” or “even though” additives. Thank you so much for this and I hope that every person regardless of their attractions picks this up.

I hope every person, especially those in allo/ace relationships, gives this a read. This is the book that I feel was missing. It is going to help so many people. So from one flavor of queer to another, thank you Cody!

Thank you NetGalley, Cody Daigle-Orians, and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to review this eARC for my honest opinion.

I Am Ace by Cody Daigle-Orians releases February 21, 2023!

4.5* (rounding up to take into account the billion plus stars to the author for putting the spotlight on asexuality in such a kind and empowering manner)

gosh, it feels so wonderful to be seen without drowning in the need to justify myself at every corner. there's no feeling broken, incomplete, less human for feeling the way i do. just an informative sit-down chat with a good, highly empathetic friend. dear book, validation is thy name.

i am what you might call a baby demisexual who took up the label one morning, stapled it to her hat, and went about her day without thinking twice about it, and i love that this book validates my seemingly blasé approach. labels are not the enemy, some measure of your validity to pit yourself against. labels are not about exclusion or othering, about ticking all the boxes to be “enough.” labels are meant to be fluid, as ever-changing as we are as people, and as such, it is perfectly natural to reassess how we see ourselves as we learn and evolve with each new experience. labels are tools of self-discovery containing the immense power that comes with putting feelings into words. that's it.

this book includes the best acknowledgement and breakdown of the stress and microaggressions acespec individuals face on the daily that i have read to date. be it pressure from media or casual, offhand remarks we hear on the daily - funnily enough, i somehow seem to receive the most unnecessary reassurance when i'm in the presence of medical professionals - he helped me deconstruct years and years of frustration (and to be honest, embarrassment) in a therapeutic manner. i also learned so many words for things i never thought to distinguish in my head, such as the various kinds of attraction (sexual, romantic, aesthetic, emotional, sensual, intellectual, alterous, oh my!), the reminder that they work independently, how to establish boundaries, and so much more.

there is a chapter that directly addresses coming out that i see brought up frequently in other reviews. my personal take is that the author, being a very public figure on social media creating acespec-centered content, is understandably a strong advocate of coming out, of living your truth to not only empower yourself, but others in your vicinity who may be questioning, scared, unsure. for some who have accepted a label but have not publicly shared this intimate part of themselves with the world, it has the potential to feel like a noose. therefore, it makes sense for him to layer on so much effusive positivity on the act of coming out, because he wants us to feel the same liberation as he has and create a world where we are just as visible and accepted as an allosexual. his interpretation is the best case scenario, spoken from a place of self-acceptance. the bias is there and he doesn't pretend otherwise.

but of course, this also has the potential for his intentions to be misconstrued as a way of belittling those who are still in the closet, which is why i believe he started off the section acknowledging individuals who are on the fence, who don't think it's the right time for them, or who may choose to never come out. he offers his support no matter what path they choose, so long as they are the one making that decision. he reiterates time and time again that coming out is something we must do for ourselves.

We are not obligated to share certain truths of our identities in order to be considered legitimate. Our truth doesn't become a lie simply because we keep it to ourselves.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing a copy of the book - this is my honest review :)

This book is really a 101 level book written with the young person who is just starting to ask themselves if they're really ace, that person isn't me. If you are looking for a deep dive in ace theory this isn't the book for you, if you don't think you might be ace you might only find limited value in this book.

Now I know this all sound like I didn't care for this book but that would be wrong, this is the kind of book that I think should be in school libraries, this is the kind of book I wish I had had access to when I was a teenager so I'm glad that it exists now. A lot of this book hinges on providing an explanation of micro labels as a way of showing how diverse the asexual experience is. Cady expresses a lot of genuine tenderness which is always refreshing in an educational piece, especially one that is directed towards younger people. The author does a pretty banging job of reminding the reader at every turn that labels are tools, that they can be descriptive but that they should not be prescriptive that it's okay to change them if they no longer align with who we are and that part was so very comforting.

I received an ARC of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. I was unaware of who the author was/that until I started reading so this review is not influenced by being a fan.