I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life

4.5* (rounding up to take into account the billion plus stars to the author for putting the spotlight on asexuality in such a kind and empowering manner)

gosh, it feels so wonderful to be seen without drowning in the need to justify myself at every corner. there's no feeling broken, incomplete, less human for feeling the way i do. just an informative sit-down chat with a good, highly empathetic friend. dear book, validation is thy name.

i am what you might call a baby demisexual who took up the label one morning, stapled it to her hat, and went about her day without thinking twice about it, and i love that this book validates my seemingly blasé approach. labels are not the enemy, some measure of your validity to pit yourself against. labels are not about exclusion or othering, about ticking all the boxes to be “enough.” labels are meant to be fluid, as ever-changing as we are as people, and as such, it is perfectly natural to reassess how we see ourselves as we learn and evolve with each new experience. labels are tools of self-discovery containing the immense power that comes with putting feelings into words. that's it.

this book includes the best acknowledgement and breakdown of the stress and microaggressions acespec individuals face on the daily that i have read to date. be it pressure from media or casual, offhand remarks we hear on the daily - funnily enough, i somehow seem to receive the most unnecessary reassurance when i'm in the presence of medical professionals - he helped me deconstruct years and years of frustration (and to be honest, embarrassment) in a therapeutic manner. i also learned so many words for things i never thought to distinguish in my head, such as the various kinds of attraction (sexual, romantic, aesthetic, emotional, sensual, intellectual, alterous, oh my!), the reminder that they work independently, how to establish boundaries, and so much more.

there is a chapter that directly addresses coming out that i see brought up frequently in other reviews. my personal take is that the author, being a very public figure on social media creating acespec-centered content, is understandably a strong advocate of coming out, of living your truth to not only empower yourself, but others in your vicinity who may be questioning, scared, unsure. for some who have accepted a label but have not publicly shared this intimate part of themselves with the world, it has the potential to feel like a noose. therefore, it makes sense for him to layer on so much effusive positivity on the act of coming out, because he wants us to feel the same liberation as he has and create a world where we are just as visible and accepted as an allosexual. his interpretation is the best case scenario, spoken from a place of self-acceptance. the bias is there and he doesn't pretend otherwise.

but of course, this also has the potential for his intentions to be misconstrued as a way of belittling those who are still in the closet, which is why i believe he started off the section acknowledging individuals who are on the fence, who don't think it's the right time for them, or who may choose to never come out. he offers his support no matter what path they choose, so long as they are the one making that decision. he reiterates time and time again that coming out is something we must do for ourselves.

We are not obligated to share certain truths of our identities in order to be considered legitimate. Our truth doesn't become a lie simply because we keep it to ourselves.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing a copy of the book - this is my honest review :)