egg

Light background info
tragic lack of my hero
Dougie “Jackpots” Jones.

A charming bumbler
Jim's plans never quite come off
one more drink can't hurt.

Step-parenting sucks
woops, you lost your memory
your friend is a dog.

Beefy & scrawny
both astoundingly stupid
each in their own way.

Coastal Maine beef crimes
young journalist learns the ropes
old yankees cackle.

Aimless outsider
bleak opportunity knocks
can't coast forever.

Flowery letters
fun sex pranks to play on friends
makes orgies seem dull.

Loot in the closet
dynamite chick left in bed
some chump takes a stab.

Hick cop seeing green
too rough with a poor old man
try to help, get whacked.

Heisenberg bedsheet
big beastie loves gasoline
sheep basher gets his.

Don't cross Jacqueline
squished all up into steak pie
you'll love it, pervert.

Squeaky psychic lump
telekinetic torso
schizo bomb herder.

All these foolish men
taken in by some blonde hair
phony as her smile.

News at 11:
Florida Man survives nukes,
licks armadillo.

Payback for rudeness
an offer he can't refuse
more like Ripley's prank.

Her father's daughter
a manic pixie dead girl
obsessed on impact.

Flattered by the kid
hero worship has its perks
an excuse for heels.

A nice, quiet town
too many moving pieces
so much could go wrong.

The flaccid villain
collecting maggot fodder
lewd fungus envy.

Congrats, new papa
make room for the little ones
don't be too fruitful.

Dropped in overnight
botching carefully laid plans
hardly even missed.

Must be a monster
signed up for lifetime service
fighting pointless wars.

Fred, fairy uncle
reuniter of lovers
vanquisher of debts.

They knew it was love
seven minutes in heaven
spooning in the trunk.

Golfers are fickle
swapping engagements like spit
good thing they're all rich.