The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

Compelling. Funny. Raw. Creative. Sexy.

Exquisite short story collection! Probably my favourite one to date (though I'm not an avid short story reader).
I enjoyed the mix of styles and tangibility of the characters.
Although I enjoyed all of the stories, my favourite one of the bunch was “How to make love go a Physicist” specifically the yearning that comes across so beautifully in the second person, like this quote:
“You want him to be the one you've been waiting for. And you want him to feel the inevitability of you as well. You want to be his default, not an option. You want the promises of a new religion.”

Warning, there is a lot of graphic sex in the book. It is a collection of short stories about (black) women in Church that illustrates cultural difference between black and white women, though I think that there may not be as much differences between the two. We need a similar book from white women.

The women in this book are not victims, they are women doing their best by navigating a system that holds them back, It is a hard story to read, but well worth the effort. It is on my to be read again list.

I wanted to start off 2024 by stepping out of my comfort zone (fantasy), and this was the first book that was available on the Libby app and that I finished this year. Overall I thoroughly enjoyed it, including the audio narrator.

I was confused on some aspects of the book, namely that the first short story had me thinking they were all going to be in some way about lesbians—that is certainly not the case, although I won't proclaim the book definitely said that's what they were going to be about. There was—obviously—a lot of religious talk and contemplation, and I found myself relating to a lot of the confusion and thoughts of some of the women.

As a very quick rundown through each short story: "Eula" nearly made me sob while I was walking to work; I didn't enjoy "Not-Daniel", any situation of unfaithful partners is very icky to me, but I was also still confused over the lack of lesbians; I enjoyed the style of the way "Dear Sister" was written, but I do wish I could've heard a response back; "Peach Cobbler" was simply a wild ride to go through, I felt so bad for the main girl; "Snowfall" was probably my favourite—thank you, lesbians—and it had the perfect atmosphere I wanted for winter; "How to Make Love to a Physicist" was genuinely sweet, I loved hearing about the budding romance and the struggles with God and faith really struck home in some spots; "Jael" was really rough for me to get through simply because of the blatant homophobia mentions, but the end was a proud moment; I actually had a great time with "Instructions For Married Christian Husbands" even though it featured more unfaithful partners, it was so full of well placed humour and unabashed rules; and finally, "When Eddie Levert Comes" was an incredibly sad read, it broke my heart as the final story.

This book is a warm hug. It is a hearty heap of warm peach cobbler. It is one of the most convincing and painful depictions of love and family I've read. I loved it so much.

One issue I have with anthologies is that often only a few stories stand out, while the rest are more forgettable. Not so with The Secret Lives of Church Ladies. Each story wraps you up in it for as long as it takes to tell it. The pacing is so interesting, like Philyaw is in absolutely no rush. But she also knows when to cut things off, balancing resolution with ambiguity.

I'm trying to think of anything imperfect and coming up blank. The most I can say is that “Jael” took me a few tries to understand, but I think that's just because I was listening to the audiobook and not paying attention. And don't get me wrong; Janina Edwards was a lovely narrator, so I am to blame. I adored this little collection. Highly recommend.

3.75

i'm not a fan of short stories collections bc they are always too short for me to engage but this one was surprising to me. there was only 2 stories i didnt like and the rest of them were like 4 stars on avrg. my fav one was Peach Cobbler, it made me very sad at times and i think i understood it the most. i liked the mentions of christianity and culture around church esp in the last story bc some of those topics were similar to what i experience everyday. one thing i wish was diffrient was the first two stories being longer coz i really liked them but they just kinda ended and i wanted more :( overall i think its a great collection and i think theres something in it for everyone.

2.5 Rounded Up

It was a struggle to get through these stories, this collection of stories was underwhelming.

“Don't ask me to repent because I regret nothing. You can't save me because I'm not in peril.”

The short stories are well written and overall enjoyable but I didn't find the secret lives of these church-going ladies quite as fascinating as everybody else (unpopular opinion, I know).

A National Book Award Finalist, The Secret Lives of Church Ladies is an excellent book of short stories by Deesha Philyaw. A glowing starred-review in Kirkus Reviews proclaims, “these stories will sneak inside you and take root,” which I found to be true. The book description from the publisher describes it best: “The Secret Lives of Church Ladies explores the raw and tender places where Black women and girls dare to follow their desires and pursue a momentary reprieve from being good. The nine stories in this collection feature four generations of characters grappling with who they want to be in the world, caught as they are between the church's double standards and their own needs and passions. With their secret longings, new love, and forbidden affairs, these church ladies are as seductive as they want to be, as vulnerable as they need to be, as unfaithful and unrepentant as they care to be, and as free as they deserve to be.”

Most of the stories are well-written, immaculate, self-contained worlds. “Eula” is about two friends who have an on / off lesbian relationship over many years, although the titular Eula continues to date men in hopes of landing a husband; she never does, at odds with her friend Caroletta's enjoyment of what they've had together all along. “Peach Cobbler” is a marvel of story-telling, about young Olivia's observations of her mother's affair with their church's pastor, luring him into their home every week with a delicious peach cobbler that Olivia herself is prohibited from enjoying. Not all stories in the book hit the mark, though. “Instructions for Married Christian Husbands” reads simply as a madame's sexy dating profile, more titillating than emotive. But magnificent “Snowfall” is a masterpiece, evoking nostalgia in an attempt to heal wounds of the soul, while reminding readers that love can be found in the present. I was brought to tears by the end of this story, revealing that sometimes you can't retreat to the past to find love's redemptive powers. Couple LeeLee and Rhonda have made a new life in the snow-covered north, away from the judgmental family members back home in the warm south. This story is astonishing. All readers will find lots to love in this fantastic book of short stories.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and I recommend it. I would give this book 5 stars.

One of the best collections of short stories I've ever read; the narrator is fantastically deft.

Favorites -

Peach Cobbler
“She get a taste of that sweetness, she'll want it so bad, she'll grow up and settle for crumbs of it.”

Snowfall
“But like a beautiful quilt in summer time, my mother's love was the suffocating kind, the kind you chafe against and don't miss until the seasons change and it's gone.”

Instructions for Married Christian Husbands
“Tread until you are back on dry land.”

I'm back at the office, so between losing my commute time and having a tiny human who needs to be on me every second that I'm home, my time has just gotten a lot tighter. I'll try to keep this short.

This was an excellent collection of stories, most of them, in a roundabout way (if not plainly) about sex/sexuality and the hypocrisy of Good Christian Folks around it. Not a weak link here; my favorites were “Not-Daniel” and “Peach Cobbler” (and the surprise throwback to the “Peach Cobbler” daughter in “Instructions for Married Christian Husbands” even though it wasn't a favorite story). I wasn't crazy about “Jael,” but I listened to the audio and was like halfway into the story before I realized that there were two narrators, so I think I probably missed what Philyaw was trying to do there. Some grief and heartbreak around losing loved ones, to death and to dementia, handled with care. Lot of infidelity here, multiple instances of second families, if that's not something you're cool with reading.

This was wonderful! I'm not much for short stories but the title intrigued me. I'm glad I got a glimpse into these complicated women's lives and loves.

My favorite part of emerging from a good book is being transformed: I'd never thought of that; or, so that's what it's like; or, in one way or another, the way I see the world has changed.

This book did not affect me that way, and it took me a while to understand why: it's because most of the books I've read by nonwhitemale writers are written inside-out: offering the privileged reader a chance to experience the life of the underprivileged, to empathize and understand. Church Ladies is kind of the opposite, an outside-in, written by someone who escaped a shitty narrowminded world, for the benefit of those still stuck in it, showing them that it doesn't have to be that way, that they too can escape. It's one of those “what the hell is water” insights: religion, so prevalent that it's invisible, except in this case it isn't life-sustaining water but a toxic suppressing miasma. Philyaw paints so many of its insidious effects: intolerance, self-loathing, toxic masculinity, parental neglect and abuse, desperate loneliness. For the most part she does so in a gentle corner-of-the-eye sort of way, but once in a while she punches damn hard:

Your mother speaks longingly of Judgment Day, and the final accounting of who's allowed past the pearly gates, certain that God's accounting will mirror hers. “It will be a very small number,” she's fond of saying. “Only those who walk the straight and narrow path shall see the face of God.” / And you realize that if God were to welcome everyone into heaven, your mother would abandon Christianity immediately.

I needed some time to marinate on THE SECRET LIVES OF CHURCH LADIES by Deesha Philyaw. It's incredible and I've been hanging onto this book literally and mentally.

I first heard about this book from @booksonthel, @booksbythecup, and @thatgoodgoodbook, and I love their reviews and bookish taste so that was that