The Rules Do Not Apply

3.5. I didn't know about Ariel Levy before reading this book, but I thought this was a compelling memoir. Without getting into many spoilers, it's about wanting to have it all in life, the sacrifices we are forced to make (especially as women), it's about love, lust, marriage, motherhood, grief, addiction, and growth. The writing is fantastic and I highlighted so many quotes that hit really close to my heart.

However, I experienced something weird reading this; while I related or empathized with a lot of what she went through, I also felt somewhat disconnected with the story and therefore didn't feel like it hit me emotionally in the way I wanted it to. I know that is a weird thing to say about someone's real life story. So many tragic things happened. But I didn't connect with the text in the way such a story should've. It's the kind of book I am glad I read, but I'm not going to run to recommend to everyone around me.

Her writing is genuinely exquisite and compulsively readable, with beautiful word choices. That she is a talented writer is not in question. She doesn't have to be likable and has fully opened herself up to judgement, however in a memoir meant to question her own choices, she doesn't seem to do much true examination of her motives. I found it incredibly problematic that that she was still referring to her former (trans) lover as she or glossing over in a sentence or two about the cushiony pillow of her privilege, as if that didn't play a major part in the outcome of her story. Also, ending her story in a marriage plot trope really lost much of my goodwill towards the story.

2.5 - 3

I hate rating memoirs because it feels like a personal judgement on the author's life choices. I didn't know anything about the author prior to reading the book. There are a some points I could relate to and her loss is tragic, but the book jumps around a lot with details that seem unnecessary/distracting. She just comes across as so self-absorbed that I have a hard time rating this work objectively.

WARNING: Highly Opinionated Review to Follow

In my sixty years, I've learned a little about people. Not a lot, mind you, but a little. I can now separate people into two categories: Drama Queens (male and female, against all stereotypes) and Those Who Prefer Peace and Quiet. I'm afraid I fall into the later category, and, as a result, I tend to regard DQs (quite judgmentally, I'm sad to say) as people who bring their troubles on themselves: You can't seem to have those extraordinary highs without having resultant extraordinary lows. I don't tend to enjoy books written by these folks; these aren't lives I want to experience, even vicariously.

That, then, is the reason for my three star rating. Levy is a marvelous writer. Her stories are mesmerizing. I just don't happen to like to stare at road kill.

Very moving memoir centering on Levy's miscarriage. I couldn't stop reading. She explores the deep feelings of her failing relationship and the loss of her child.

Where do I begin to comment on this memoir? I actually can't believe that I only gave it three stars. I think this is because I have just come off of a run of reading a handful of phenomenal memoirs in a row, so this one just fell flat for me. I can definitely see the appeal that it will have commercially though. With its bright orange and pink cover, it is sure to stand out; plus, there is something for everyone (okay, mostly females) in this read. It is so honest... so raw... and eventually, so heartbreaking. It really reminded me of Camilla Gibb's “This is Happy” because there wasn't a lot of hope in it; it didn't end happily, but it did end with some realizations and that was enough.

Ariel Levy is a paradox – she wants one thing but is constantly pulled to another - from motherhood and independence to gay marriage and adultery, she fluctuates between “having” and “longing for” in so many ways. Yes, she is successful writer with great ambitions but she is also insanely human and prone to grave errors in judgement – as we all are. Throughout the three parts of her book that I would categorize as: Hoping and Striving (career-wise and relationships), Achieving (pregnancy), Falling Apart (losing her dreams and starting over) she introduces the reader to the people in her life. These individuals have issues of their own that she explores with a level of depth and compassion. In the end, Levy showcases that everybody cannot have everything and that even if we plan out our lives, our lives sometimes have other plans for us. Sure, we can ask ourselves many questions throughout our time on earth and we can try so hard to figure out the answers and to create meaning, yet sometimes all we have left is to simply surrender to what is.

Most women from their late teens through old age will embrace this book. They will see pieces of themselves reflected in Levy and, if for some reason they do not, their hearts will be grow with more compassion because of the struggles that bind us all together.