The Circus Infinite

Maybe more of a 1.5, but I willingly rounded down because, well...

In a very odd way, reading this book reminded me of my experience watching the Daredevil tv show. You see, after about four or five episodes of Daredevil, I realized that I near constantly while I was watching the show, was clenching up, waiting for the next scene of extreme violence. Shortly thereafter, I stopped watching the show. I mourned the fact, saying that if it had gotten rid of the ‘superhero' stuff and had just been focused on the lawyer side with Matt, Foggy and Karen as a trio of friends, I would have loved it. (Of course, that's not what the story was meant to be, but I'm sure you get what I mean - I liked the characters enough that I was upset the rest didn't work for me.)

While reading this book, after about the fifty percent mark, I realized that my stomach was in knots over half the time, dreading the next time that Niko Dax would show up and it got so much worse whenever he did. I could only read in small doses, as I couldn't deal with Dax twice in one reading session - and would often stop reading just as he showed back up. (Sometimes I couldn't even deal with him once.) (Until, finally, my give a damn broke the same way it did while I was reading The Diviners and I just wanted to get through it.)

The only reason I kept reading was that, by the time Dax was introduced, (30-35% into the book) I was already attached to Jes and all his new friends. (Side note: the institute flashbacks were sickening, too.)

I like the characters, the world building is fun if a little odd and somewhat - shockingly - unexplained. I was definitely looking at this being a four star read before the antagonist was introduced. (Side note the second: Also, I wish there hadn't been any use of mind altering substances by our MC because those scenes are things I do not like. Not really a fan of any drug use, to be honest, but that's a me thing.)

(Roughly)
First 30% - 4 stars
31% - 70% - 2 stars
70% - 85% - 1 star
86% - 100% - who cares anymore and Jes is a super special snowflake so, really, who does care anymore? (And, also, pretty sure he's the most unlikable he's been through the entire book for me.)

Honestly, I don't know what to do with this mess and how to assign a proper rating to it. Do I average these stars out? Do I try to assign some value to each percent of the book? How do I rate a book that had been a hopeful four - or even five stars - at the beginning to something that I almost totally dropped at the 72% mark? The only real reason I didn't just close the book and never touch it again at that point was because of a completionist interest and because I had actually paid for this book recommendation. Not only that, but because of all the book recommendations I've paid for to date, this was the one I was most excited to read because it sounded like it was most up my alley. (Finally, also, the ending does not make it worth it. ... It really, really doesn't as it's pretty much the exact opposite of what I hoped for.)

(And, yes, it did indeed take me over a month to read.)

I liked the world, the mind-bending exuberance of the circus with a darker, forbidding undercurrent. I loved the characters, the inclusivity and feeling of belonging to a chosen family. Except... loud sigh did Jes piss me off for the majority of the book. For someone with unrivaled superpowers, who whines about getting autonomy so much he sure does help himself get exploited quite easily. There were a couple other plot holes that I was trying to ignore for the sake of tripping out on the hallucinogenic narrative. It could have been deeper and more polished but overall it was a lusty read, in a macrocosm I would eagerly explore again.