Numb to This: Memoir of a Mass Shooting

A graphic memoir by a survivor of a community-college shooting in Oregon, and the years immediately after, when she went to art school, a March For Our Lives Event in D.C., and conceived of this book as she finally got enough distance to recognize that she needed to get help.

Maybe this is ridiculous of me, but I hadn't conceived of the experience of having been on campus during a shooting but not having been in literal sight of the shooter, and how of course being anywhere near an experience such as that would be so hard. This is the experience Neely presents.

There is very little imagery of weapons or death - this is more about the processing of having survived, only to witness the thing that traumatized you repeatedly happening again in other places.

It made me cry, and I flew through it.

CW: mass shootings, suicidal thoughts/attempt, PTSD, anxiety, panic attacks

This is a gorgeous and moving graphic novel. The shooting itself is not depicted–Kindra was on campus but not in the immediate vicinity of the shooter, so her experience was more of a chaotic “something's happening?” moment followed by the panic of evacuation and the grief of losing friends, followed by PTSD. I hate that so many people will find her experience immediately relatable, but even if you haven't directly survived a mass shooting I feel like just the act of existing in America can make a person feel adjacent to one.

Secondarily I think Kindra's path of going to community college and then arts school is something that older teens will like to read about–you don't HAVE to have it all figured out when you graduate high school! Most people don't!

This is a memoir about someone who had a school shooting happen at their college and how it impacted them in life. It touches about suicide and ptsd, so a heads up for some readers.

This read was mostly focused on our author's emotions. I expected it to possibly be balanced out with some numbers or more information along with it, which it does include some good author recs. at the end of the book, but it is mostly focused on her emotions. This made me a little less interested because there are some points in this book I thought were really petty? (Maybe not petty but i'm not sure of the word.) Like when she tells students to be quite when they talk about how the school's alarm system didn't work or when she's in a crowd of people at a protest and wonders why they aren't moving out of the way while they try to get to the medical tent. She seems to think probably because they don't actually care right?! RIGHT? No, like you are in a crowd of people - this is a type of environment that can't read your mind and takes A LOT to coordinate with each other. Duh. This is exactly why I avoid crowded areas like this - just look at some concerts that some people get crushed at. She has a lot of emotional things to this area particularly - which falls short for me because these are people who are agreeing with you, fighting with you, and perhaps these are also people who have survived shootings too...but no they don't care because they didn't split like moses and the sea for you.

Eh, I think if this was an anthology of several stories I would have liked this. I think Kindra provides a valuable perspective, but it is long and it gets lost somewhere in here for me. And I honestly think it's because of the length of the book and some of the mean spirited ways some people are portrayed or talked about.
BUT It's a great way of showing the stress of these events (I was at a bachelorette party during the Pulse shooting - it was an awful side by side as we were enjoying our nightlife. I'll never quite forget the feeling) and I do think this book will connect with a lot of people, especially public workers and YA audience.

The art was a nice style, but really looked rough? I'm not sure what happened to it there or if it was intentional? There is some really extremely awesome panels here and there.