Inheritance

This has been on my list for a long time, so I was happy when my book club chose it. Looking forward to a lively discussion. She raises many interesting issues about DNA testing today, privacy and transparency around adoption and donors, and of course, identity. I listened to it, and enjoyed having that perspective.

This was recommended to me by Deb of The Book Stop - as part of a recommendation service she offered. It was a great choice! I was enthralled by Shapiro's journey as she discovered and dealt with the fact that she had been a donor-conceived child, and how that hidden fact had shaped her life. It's fascinating to consider that we can build up a whole mental world for ourselves, as she did with her assumption that she was the biological child of an Orthodox Jewish father and product of his family line, that turns out to be an illusion. Shapiro has to deal with the psychological repercussions of this, as well as with the feelings of lostness and not belonging that she has had from childhood. She has to remake her shattered world and find a new relationship to much she had taken for granted.

Strangely, she never seemed to admit the idea that her not looking Jewish could mean she had been the product of an affair, even as she sensed something was wrong – with her, she assumed, not with the facts of her conception. The more complicated answer led her to a search for her biological father, a near obsession of which she gives us a blow-by-blow (or rather email-by-email) account. Another oddity is that though this obsession involves an acute awareness of how similar she is to her biological father, she never talks about her similarity to her biological mother. This may be because she was a sick, twisted narcissist whom Shapiro came to hate, but it seems to be a matter of protesting too much, or maybe too little. If you're going to put so much weight on one side of the biological equation, you need to also look at the other.

I was not aware of the murky history of donor conception, nor mindful of the ethical implications today. That was also very interesting to learn about.

In the end Shapiro finds peace with her heritage and returns her father to his rightful place in her heart. She dedicates the book to him, and I have no doubt he would be proud of her.

I found myself thinking “I'd rather have read the magazine version of this story” multiple times during the reading.

It just felt long and arduous (which in part may be reflective of my own reading rut.) I found the author's attitude and lack of grace for any other human in this story hard to swallow at times. If it was anger from an adolescent, I'd understand, but she's in her 50s. By this point she should surely know that humans are fallible and complicated, and our parents are not omnipotent beings but humans just like ourselves.

Do not get me wrong- it would certainly be shocking to find out what she did.

Short fast read but not my favorite. While it makes sense to me that the author would feel some confusion and distress over the discovery of her true parentage, I just couldn't identify with how distressing it seemed to her. It actually became annoying at times. In fact I'm realizing as I write this that I just didn't like the author at all. Liked the story and for the amount of time it consumed, it was worth the read, but I just don't like her.

Wow, this book was really annoying. I can understand being shocked to find out the truth of your paternity in your mid 50s, but considering the author's bio-dad turned out to be a lovely, successful physician (as opposed to, say, an axe murderer) I couldn't see what the big fuss was about. My two nieces were adopted from China and will likely never know anything about either of their biological parents, and they've had to deal with this truth for their entire lives. Dani Shapiro comes across as the definition of “white privilege” - rich, self-absorbed and clueless about how lucky she is. I kept reading because I thought she would share some of the information she learned about the history and ethics around sperm donation, but no, it was all about her.

I'm tempted to go back and hate-read some of Shapiro's previous memoirs, but life is too short and there are too many other books that I want to truly enjoy.

Hmmm. It makes you wonder how would you feel if you found out the man you thought was your father wasn't. It would rock your world. But in the end...I wound change my current father for anyone. However, there is a lot more trust and freedom in my family than there seems to be in Dani's. This book brings up a lot of questions, and thankfully gives us a few answers?

Heartwrenching. Strangely, as a transnational adoptee, I also found this incredibly moving and relatable.