I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death
Ratings47
Average rating4.2
Maggie O'Farrell has a way of reaching right through the pages to your heart.
I'm still reeling from this astonishing memoir.
The premise drew me in immediately; it's a memoir told in seventeen stories, each centering on one of O'Farrell's brushes with death. The writing is beautiful, both lyrical and (at times) disturbingly, can't-look-away visceral.
As an anxiety-prone, risk-averse human, I admit I found myself in disbelief at the frequency and ferocity of O'Farrell's near-death experiences (for example, if I'd survived even one of her three near-drownings, I think I'd probably stop swimming for a while or, uh, forever). Her urge to live life to its absolute fullest, to push boundaries and risk bodies, comes in large part from surviving encephalitis as a child. Remarkably, what she takes away from that experience is that the rest of her life is a bonus, something she lucked into, something to be taken the utmost advantage of rather than tucked away safely on a high shelf.
While all the stories are powerful, by far the most harrowing for me is the first, in which she re-encounters a man on a trail and knows implicitly and unequivocally that he means to harm her. The story of her miscarriage was also gut-wrenching.
This was amazing and I'm glad to have read it. I'm embarrassed to admit I've never read Maggie O'Farrell before - no, not even Hamnet! - and this has skyrocketed her to the top of my list.
Most of these stories were fantastic. O'Farrell has such a lovely way with words and that was true here as well. Some of these did feel repetitive (there were 3 centered around drowning) but others were so unique and touching. The epilogue was heartfelt and one of the best parts for the book, and the first story was gripping. Overall a really strong memoir.
Maggie O'Farrell tells the story of her life through seventeen times that she had a close encounter with death. Some of the incidents were brief and life was quickly restored to normalcy. But some of the incidents were dramatic and had life-changing consequences.
It's a novel idea, to tell the story of your life through your encounters with death. But it's more than just novelty that carries you through the book. O'Farrell is a beautiful writer, and it's her reflections on death and life that make this an interesting read.
I thought that it would be more in depth, but it was really just sketches.
Compared to Maggie O'Farrell, my life is incredibly mundane.
After reading her book, I've never been more grateful.
In I Am, I Am, I Am (henceforth IAIAIA), O'Farrell describes seventeen occasions where she or those close to her have come close to dying. Nonfiction has a reputation for being dry and boring, but IAIAIA is anything but. And for a morbid subject matter, I found it surprisingly optimistic. Better yet, Maggie gets her “live in the moment” point across without being too corny.
Gender factors hugely into IAIAIA. Put simply, the reluctance and at times refusal to believe women...hurts and kills women. Being a woman in a patriarchal society makes it easy to get hurt, and difficult to have that hurt addressed.
O'Farrell appeals to different authorities—police officers, doctors—and time and again has trouble being taken seriously or even heard. She tries to advocate for herself, and often others as well: she worries about the man with the binocular strap targeting other women in the future, she worries about the health of her baby should she be denied the caesarean procedure her medical history requires. But she's shut down.
Luckily, Maggie has some amazing friends who find alternatives to those who could not help because they will not listen. We all need people who will jolt us out of resignation and insist that how we've been treated is unacceptable. The whole dynamic is a mix of infuriating and uplifting.
In all, I enjoyed IAIAIA more than I anticipated. And I know this is trivial, but the spine looks pretty on a shelf. I am, I am, I am glad I read I Am, I Am, I Am (I am, I am, I am kind of sorry about the bad pun but I am, I am, I am keeping it in and no one can stop me).
‘'There is nothing unique or special in a near-death experience. They are not rare; everyone, I would venture, has had them, at one time or another, perhaps without even realising it.''
How difficult it is to write a text about a memoir...No matter if you liked it or not, no matter whether you shared the writer's views or not, a memoir is a testament of someone's heart and soul and how can anyone dissect it so light-heartedly? This memoir by Maggie O'Farrell is one of the most poignant, powerful, altering reads we will ever experience. Therefore, if this review looks to you a bit all over the place, I apologize because I never succeed in explaining my feelings adequately. Once you read this book, I don't think you will ever view life through the same lens as before.
‘'I'm trying to write a life, told only through near-death experiences.''
17 times when Death's shadow came too close to her and her children. 17 times when she fought with all her might and succeeded in defeating the enemy who was in a hurry to claim one more soul much too early. She lets us into her life by revealing her most vulnerable moments. Hidden in these memories are shocking details about dangers that came out of nowhere, thoughts on how love started, a boyfriend who was an egoist to the core, a horrible doctor who served a misogynistic, Victorian view of ‘'helping'' women with their labour, her saviours, the people who made sure she would return, her beautiful family. There are so many aspects of O'Farrell that I admire and marvelled at. She is such a free spirit, her wanderlust comes alive through the pages as she narrates her experiences in diverse places. China, Chile, France, Italy, Wales and her native Northern Ireland. Her affinity to the sea and hiking, her aversion to tea, which I share completely. I was particularly touched by the birth of her first child because I was a star-gazer baby myself that put my mum in extreme danger during labour. There is also a beautiful reference to Karen Blixen's Seven Gothic Tales.
O'Farrell's writing strikes your feelings, your heart. I always feel uncomfortable with hospitals, I've been to one only once- thank God and all the Heavens- and even reading about them makes me feel terrible. Therefore, the experience of her illness as a child was terrifying to read as was the behaviour of her classmates. This verified, once again, my conviction that children are often the most heartless creatures in the universe. She describes the era when the HIV nightmare began vividly and full of compassion. In many cases, it is evident that women face extensive dangers because of our sex. As I often say, it is the absolute loss of any trace of equality. As long as we are unable to feel secure beyond any doubt while we're walking in the street, equality is non-existent. It is an empty word written in such charades as ‘'so-called'' legislations just so the governments have the opportunity to feel politically correct. It is a utopia, a wish that will never become a fulfilled reality...
The impact of the language she uses is such that even though I knew she survived, in every incident my heart was pounding in agony. Then, you start thinking ‘'what if?'' What if things have turned out differently? What if this happened to me? What would I do? It definitely makes you think about living and making every moment count, as morbid or detrimental as it may sound. How fragile and, at the same time, how strong our bodies are. Her thoughts on miscarriage should be read by every woman.
This is a book you will live in. Your feelings, your thoughts, your entire self will experience it. I know it changed me, even a small portion of me. I know that I need not complain about mild headaches, seasonal flu or the common cold. The strength she shows in coping with her daughter's challenges -as it happens with every mother who faces similar situations- is a source of endurance and strength for all of us. I don't think that a reader can finish this book and remain untouched. The realisation of our own mortality and the fact that there are no limits despite the moments when contradictions hit us like an earthquake. The only limit is this stranger with the dark clothes, waiting in every corner...
'We are, all of us, wandering about in a state of oblivion, borrowing our time, seizing our days, escaping our fates, slipping through loopholes, unaware of when the axe may fall.''
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I really liked this book. Thought the structure was very effective more so for being out of chronological order which seemed to allow for a feeling of getting more insight into the life and personality of Maggie. I found it a very moving book over all.