Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter

Fuck. This. Book.
It doesn't even deserve one star. I don't know why this is used as teaching material in schools, but it's just absolutely horrible and I hate it.

Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter by Tom Franklin

Do you like watching glaciers move? Like, in real-time? Are you a German teacher of English? Do you hate someone very much? (You can even combine the last two!)

Congratulations, this book is especially for you!

I actually enjoy a good story, lavishly told in good time. Me possibly drinking coffee or wine and enjoying myself, even losing myself inside a story told slowly, delightfully, perhaps playfully.

The story-telling here is mooooooooostly slooooooooow. Just slow. Not lavish, not delightful, not playful, just plain old slow.

Now, slow food? Good stuff! Fast food only makes me fat anyway. Slow food doesn't mean I have to enjoy chewing on a piece of granite – or reading this book.

‘f slows the only prob, things mighta haven't look so bleak. Ain't just that, sirree, naw. The language. South'rn drawl my ass. Short sentences. Clipped sentences, eh? Yeah, boy, might work. If yall are proper pen pushers, heh?! Franklin, ma boy, you ain't a one.

Ok, enough of this. It's really annoying. I really, really hated those clipped sentences. They read like they hated their literary life for being, well, emaciated.

Well, all of that could still have been forgiven (I can almost see the small teaching, pupil-hating, glacier-watching demographic from the introduction nod their approval!) but let's take a look at the story itself:

Young Larry (40 today) goes on a date, girl goes missing, people start hating Larry, apart from his “special friend” Silas and even more special Wallace Stringfellow. The former being a sorry excuse for a friend, the latter being worse.

At the very beginning, poor Larry gets shot and Silas goes up and down memory lane for about 80% of the book, inspecting their miserable, boring lives in the past. Discovering “shocking” truths and a body. (Not, two, though. The mystery that all but ruined Larry's life never gets solved.)

The first words in chapter seven are basically a clue bat I, unfortunately, didn't fully appreciate:

“IT WAS 1982.”

Yes, and we're at 41% of the book and feeling like we've had to wade through decades of boredom but, wait, those guys are about 40 and no point whatsoever has been reached or made so far – we're not safe yet, with decades before us yet! (Had I realised earlier and not only now, in hindsight, or given in to my instincts about bad books I might have preferred to watch grass grow but, alas, that exciting exercise has to wait for a worse book.)

Still chapter seven (did I mention those chapters can take an hour or more of a fast reader's time? (not to speak of the poor sod's life!)): “IT WAS THE slowest week of his life,” man, you're taking the words right out of my mouth.


Anyway, why did I even finish this turd? Well, truth to be told, my daughter has to read this book for school and being the stupid oaf I'm sometimes maligned to be, I mouthed off to her about how good this book must be, having great reviews on Goodreads and how she should just get reading it! Sorry, my dear Schn..., I'm sure to do it again but for this book you have my sympathy.

Drink, have fun with grass, do whatever you want with your life but don't make people read this book.


Oh, and if you really are a German teacher of English, I'm presenting you with a list of seven (because I can!) books better suited for your intended purpose which won't make your pupils hate you (even more, at least):

- Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens
- Beartown by Fredrick Backman
- Beneath a Scarlet Sky by Mark T. Sullivan
- All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
- The Universe versus Alex Woods by Gavin Extence
- The Nightingale or The Great Alone by Kristin Hannah

This is what happens when you apply fine writing to a compelling mystery and at the same time draw vivid, multi-dimensional characters. While readers will probably have a pretty good sense of how this turns out (mostly), the point of reading this book should be in the telling of the story, which is first rate.

This was so tragic and beautiful. A perfect southern drama with just enough thriller to keep you on the edge of your seat but also exploding with human emotion.

I forget where I got the recommendation for this book but I'm glad I read it. A Southern murder mystery that seemed to really capture the feel of rural Mississippi. Well written, well paced, and the two main characters are interesting.

Well-crafted mystery that relies on deep, multi-layered characters and their thoughts and actions to drive the plot, rather than a roller coaster of violent crime or chase scenes.

I felt like I was living in rural Mississippi and seeing firsthand a cycle of poverty and despair that was beyond my own experience. Depressing reminder of flawed choices and their effects, no matter what the circumstances might be.

I was very impressed by the excellent writing and characters found in this novel. I would love to find a copy for my collection, and will definitely look for more by this author. Definitely recommended.

This is a nice thriller packed with Southern culture with complexity and suspense to keep me up reading. Fortunately, I had a friend point out to me the meaning of the title, because when I finished I didn't see the origin of the title. I really felt as if I was in the heady swamps of small town Mississippi, and found that I cared deeply for the two main characters. Excellent suspense and great characterization make me happy that my book club chose this book!