egg

Handsome strapping gals
could hold you like a baby,
toss you all around.

Never satisfied
groping his way to the top
ambitious horndog.

Vain little grey cells
irritatingly correct
safe from pretty girls.

Second chance at love
it took a little nudging 
a pricey mistake.

Grandma likes to talk
memory's started to slip
how embarrassing.

Two places at once
kinky bastard taken out
the audacity!

Christie's bad guys brag
they can't resist showing off
I did it, here's why!

Exotic methods
killed in front of witnesses
no one saw a thing.

Horny time travel
getting rich is too boring
impregnate yourself.

Young hunk gets frisky with timeBecomes his own partner in crimeGets up the duff—I've had enoughDumb haikus don't have to rhyme.

Sunburned wanderlust
pastoral desert mesas
scam some mules for god.

Vivacious airhead
even Poirot falls for her
poor doomed ingénue.

Impending divorce
extramarital affairs
big juicy rubies.

Throws murder party
gets murdered by murderer
great planning, dumbass.

Alphabetical
the killer is a huge dweeb
writing silly notes.

The hack for the job
replace the man with the myth
cull the juicy bits.

Desperate, lonely
thoroughly unlovable
creepy about sex.

Reluctant tourist
makes time travel tedious
whinge about decor.

Nutter holds a grudge
tattooed hunk loves to cuddle
peeling whales like fruit.

Always the show-off
makes heroes out of his friends
sets his world on fire.

Two nice young couples
rich, impeccable manners
prone to heart trouble.

Obsessed with Europe
so much culture to poke at
full of foreigners.

Drunk evades capture
gets innocent people killed
feels a little bad.

An odd little man
desperate for friends (and funds)
vicious to allies.

A plain earnest girl
she'd make a dutiful wife
not rich, not for him.

Passive observer
stockpiling amusing quirks
serving a blank slate.