The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

It's all correct and interesting information that's important to be talking about, but I also didn't necessarily learn tons - I already know most of how the systems are fucked up. It's an interesting spin on the topic, something of a reversal of how things seem to often default to being seen from the heterosexual as base assumption. I wish there had been some deeper exploration, and perhaps a few more varied perspectives from additional authors.

She's right, but you won't appreciate her for saying so.

This book lays out concise historiographic and ethnographic evidence for a new understanding of the dysfunction at the heart of heterosexuality. Ward brings insight and wit to the discussion, and her overview of the history of what she terms the “heterosexual repair industry” will be appealing to most readers. There are few people who won't be fascinated by the roots of “straightness” (as opposed to men and women coupling), and the racial and gender implications of modern straight culture. Also her commentary on what used to be pick up artistry and is now men's self-improvement retreats is amazing.

And then Ward diagnoses the problem. She does this by doing what she calls “reversing the ally gaze” or, what I call “treating straight people the way they treat us”.

Instead of looking at straightness as the default, she solicited a sampling of queer understanding of straightness, and overlays interviews with queer participant-observers on top of straight culture, revealing patterns that a heterosexual understanding of love relationships cannot parse. In doing so, she centers queer concern about the unhealthy nature of straightness over straight culture's belief that it inherently healthy. If a sexual “orientation” as understood in queer culture means being oriented towards, uplifting and respecting /as well as lusting after/, why in straight culture do heterosexual men and women seem oriented away from each other? Why is straight culture so dead set on seeing the gender binary as a battle of opposites rather than orienting itself towards simultaneous respect and lust for the fullness of each other? What do straight people get out of being straight and what can straight people learn from their answers to that question?

Of course, many straight folx will probably be uncomfortable with the lack of straight subjects— Ward has little interest in heterosexual understanding of itself. She chooses to focus solely on the queer subject looking at the straight object, and thereby explaining straightness to itself.

I have my own issues with the book— most frustratingly that it skirts around its use of transphobic writers (Adrienne Rich and Cherie Moraga for ex) without acknowledging that using their writing has questionable valances for trans readers.

But it is well worth a read. Queer readers will hopefully love it asmuch as I do. Straight readers... try not to get too defensive.