The Cross in the Closet

What happens when a very conservative Christian decides to spend a year as a gay man in order to understand the enemy? Not unexpectedly, he gains a great deal of insight and becomes a strong ally in favor of equality. That's the story told by Tim Kurek in “The Cross in the Closet”, a book I recommend highly.

Tim grew up in a very religiously conservative family in Nashville, Tennessee. While attending Liberty University, the largest, private, Conservative Christian college in the US (if not the world), Tim encountered someone from SoulForce, a liberal religious organization dedicated to non-violent and peaceful demonstrations in favor of equality. Tim's faith was shaken when the SoulForce representative said that despite their differences, he loved Tim. Some short time later, Tim was set back on his heels when a friend of his came out as lesbian and was summarily kicked out of her home by her conservative religious parents. Tim knew that his Christian responsibility at that time was to condemn her “choice” to be lesbian and to counsel her to return to Christ, give up the lesbian nonsense, and all would be right. But he found he could not. He found himself wondering what kind of parent would do that to someone like his friend, a person he cared for deeply.

Tim had a crazy idea that seized him entirely. He needed to know how life would be different if he had the label “gay” applied to himself. So, he decided to “go gay” for a year. No, not fully gay, but to tell people he was, including his friends and family. On New Year's Day, he “came out” to his brother (though lying to his brother caused him to be physically ill all over their back porch). Word spread quickly, and Tim's mom heard before Tim had a chance to talk with her. Then his church friends learned. It started easily enough, but kinds spun out of control. Tim says that the worst part was having so many of his friends just turn their back on him, not even attempt to change him back. He was dead to them.

He started spending time in the local gayborhood, presenting himself as gay. To keep himself safe, and to learn how to give a more convincing act, he entrusted a gay friend of his with his secret, and they became “boyfriends” for the duration of the experiment. (Ultimately, that didn't go as well as it could be hoped.) He took a job as a barista at a predominately gay coffeeshop, went to gay karaoke, joined a gay softball league, and spent a lot of time reading books with gay themes, very much like many gay men just out of the closet.

It didn't take him too long to realize that most of his stereotypical views of gay people were entirely wrong. Gay people led normal lives, formed stable relationships, supported each other in times of crisis, and made deep friendships.

The experiment went in some interesting directions, and the section of the memoir where Tim joined up with SoulForce for a peaceful demonstration at the Vatican Embassy in New York was a powerful message of redemption. He also ran into devastating problems with his brother and other family members. Along the way, he discovered that he had transferred the hate he used to have for gays onto conservative Christians, and went through a process of reconciliation so that he could truly love all people despite their differences.

I found the book to be truly compelling. I am not Christian, but I am gay. I know what life is like in the closet and as an oppressed minority. I have a LOT of respect for someone like Tim willing to walk a mile in someone else's shoes. He came out of the process a changed man, still a Christian, but a truly loving one. If I ever meet him, there's no way he's not getting a big hug. I highly recommend reading this book about a journey from ignorance to understanding, from hatred to embrace, from a fear of “other” to a more universal love.