The Courage to Be Disliked

Having done some meditation and a few attempts at mindfulness, I found this book to be a good way to really learn to be present and not dwell on the past or worry about the future. That's not to say that I'm an expert by any means. I feel this book has given me a start on being in the now and not thinking away the best of every moment. It's not going to be easy to complete this journey, but I already can feel benefits of the little bit of pure presence I have managed to accomplish. One thing that really helps is to apply the concepts during my yoga class. Yoga lends itself very well to the ideas from this book.

This format is not for me.

I didn't like this book. Although I believe it has important ideas, they're presented in such shallow arguments that it harmed the message for me.

The book presents the psychology of Alfred Adler in the form of conversations between a philosopher and a young man. This should not be a problem, but the authors fail to craft a credible conversation, instead forcing some topics to direct the conversation to wherever they need to.

My main issue with this book is not this one, but the choice to present complex arguments with no nuance, often with poor analogies or bad extrapolations.

For example, in one chapter the young man challenges the idea of task separation. In very simple terms, this is the idea that you should focus exclusively on your responsibilities and never interfere with other people's tasks.

So the challenge presented comes at a time when the young man has accepted the value of the idea, but considers it unfeasible in real life.

The philosopher then tells the story of Alexander the Great and the Gordian Knot. Although it can present some visual analogy of what task separation is, how is that a valid counterpoint to the challenge presented? Am I to accept that if a conqueror was able to cut a knot, then I can not interfere with my loved ones' responsibilities? What?

It also seemed to me as if the authors were being intentionally controversial at times. Arguing that getting other people's attention is the sole motivation behind a teenager's suicidal attempt seems shallow at best, irresponsible at worst.

All that being said, it's clear to me why this book is so popular. It presents powerful ideas, most of which resonated with me. The book has sparked my interest in Adlerian psychology.

This last point saved the book from only getting one star. I'll put this one as a 2/5. Hope to find better argued content on the same topics.

تنبيه كوني قيمت الكتاب ٥ نجوم لا يعني أني أنصح بقراءته للجميع

الكتاب رائع جدا. أسلوبه الحواري وتنواله للمواضيع بشكل منطقي يشد انتباهي حتى أنني كنت اتعمد أن اتوقف في القراءة حتى لا أنهيه بسرعة، (وعشان انام في دوام بكرة...)، وحتى استوعب افكاره.
مشكلته أنك دائما على أعصابك، لأن الكاتب لا ينطلق من منطلق الوحي، فمع أني معجب بفكره ومنطقه، ولكن لا يخلو التفكير المجرد والسعي في الوصول إلى الحق عن طريق المنطق فقط، بدون الرجوع إلى الوحي الذي أنزله الخالق ليتعرف المخلوق على ذاته، إلى بعض الأخطاء الكبيرة والمخجلة. ولكن لا مقارنة بين هذا الكتاب وغيره من كتب الغرب النفسية من هذه الناحية في رأيي المتاوضع. فأخطائه هيّنة إلا في موضع أو اثنين، وهي واضحة في العادة. مثال:

يقول الكاتب في ما معناه: الحياة في النهاية ليس لها معنى، وعلى كل شخص أن يصنع لنفسه المعنى لحياته، والمعنى الذي يجلب السعادة هو تقديم النفع للآخرين.

ومثل هذه الفقرات تسلط الضوء على وضع الكافر الذي صدقا يورث الشفقة ويحزن، على كمية الضياع والتيه الذي هم فيه. فالحمد لله الذي وضح المعنى وأجاب عن التساؤل بأبسط العبارة (ليعبدون).

ولكن الكتاب يعطي وجهة نظر فريدة ومفيدة، ومن كان جاهزا للقراءة بتركيز، وابقاء الوحي والقرآن في البال، فأنا أنصح به بشدة.

A delightful, practical introduction to Adlerian psychology. There are some truly memorable and actionable insights in this book: happiness in contribution; the separation of life tasks; focusing on what you can change, rather than what you can't; how to be a free, independent person while being in harmony with society; and, of course, the refutation of trauma. I recognize that these may or may not resonate with readers, depending on their own experiences.

Yet it's important to understand this book as a product of the times. Society's departure from faith has left many of us uncertain about our place in the world. Adlerian psychology presents something new to believe, something that is surprisingly compatible with current societal conditions, as repeatedly demonstrated by the examples in this book.

4 stars only because the communication style didn't quite work for me. The dialogue was questionably dramatic at times, especially when the youth would act outraged over the same point as the last time. But as this book was originally written for a Japanese audience, one must make allowance for cultural differences (doesn't anime have the same displays of outrage?). Even with these flaws, Kishimi conveyed his points adequately through the dialogues.

It was hard to finish it, but I wanted to be sure until the end if the authors would suddenly that it was a joke.

As someone who struggles with C-PTSD, the understanding of trauma is this book is revolting. Very uncomfortable to read.

A lot to learn from this easy to read book: Adlerian psychology that is.
How to be happy in this “meaningless life”.

Sometimes it felt like it abused the the format of dialogue (between a young person and philosopher) style to make a point or to recap or to simply hard concepts.
That said, this format also works really well most of the time.

After reading this book, you'll hopefully understand better that you have to live your own life in order to be content. Through an interesting scholar-teacher dialogue narrative in the book, the writers relay the teachings of German philosopher, Adler.

Adler posited that you shouldn't compare yourself to others (only to yourself) and he claimed even more extremely that you should only practice self-care (forget what others think), because by doing so you'll be the best version of yourself to serve others and achieve that elusive state of happiness.

Disagreed with Adler's ideology on trauma to some degree and found the ideas mostly theoretical. I prefer most concrete examples and advice with this style of book. Though the principle idea of “don't live your life constantly trying to please others” interesting and fulfilling. So I took away at least one point from the book to carry with me.

You could argue that the three main legacy branches of modern psychology are Freudian, Jungian and Adlerian. Everyone has heard of Freud; most everyone has heard of Jung; some have heard of Alfred Adler. Don't believe me? Type in ‘Freud' (just the one name, no first name) into a Google search field. Now try it with ‘Jung'. Finally, try ‘Adler.' Assuming the search results have not significantly changed since this writing ‘Freud' and ‘Jung' will return the desired figure as the first result, as well as a biographical strip down the side of the page: Wikipedia snippet, birth and death dates, etc. ‘Adler' will get you a page filled with various Adlers — as names, as places — with poor Alfred down near the bottom of the page with one, pathetic entry. Kishimi quotes Adler early on, saying, “There might come a time when one will not remember my name; one might even have forgotten that our school ever existed.” Kishimi then writes that, “[...Adler] went on to say that it didn't matter. The implication being that if his school were forgotten, it would be because his ideas had outgrown the bounds of a single area of scholarship, and become commonplace, and a feeling shared by everyone.”

We are somewhere in between these two events, between the forgetting and an all-pervasive adoption of his ideas. It would be unfair to say that his name is forgotten; fading into the background, sure. With the advent of the internet, nothing is truly gone. An endlessly republished encyclopedia means that the curious and persistent can just about remember it all. You could also not say that his ideas have reached dominance; but if you stand back far enough and get quiet long enough, you can see another perspective beginning to shift into focus in a big way. Before Adler — linked in this book to the ideas of ancient Greece — you have Eastern philosophy: the Taoists, the Buddhist; a little later Zen shows up — in short, an understanding of power and ease which is hardly new and has found greater expression than just in the writings of the ancient Greeks. It is this forgotten wisdom with which The Courage to be Disliked concerns itself, even if it isn't fully aware of what it's doing.

In the form of a Socratic dialogue between teacher and student, the material is clear, methodically presented and comprehensible even to someone coming to these ideas for the first time.

Focus on something and it will grow. It seems to be universal. The best way to get a difficult teenager to be more difficult it to focus on their difficulties. Meet political strife with more political strife and where there was a kitchen fire suddenly the whole neighborhood is alight. This is an extreme oversimplification of Adler's ideas, but the difference between etiology (Freud) and teleology (Adler) in many ways comes down to such a focus. Adler puts the power of our lives right where it belongs, in our hands and on our shoulders. We alone bear responsibility. The notion that we somehow created situations apparently beyond our control is harsh medicine, at the very least, and baffling to many first encountering it. Someone reacting to Adler's ideas might justifiably say, “But we can't blame the victim for the crime.” Adler might respond, “What's past is prologue.” He would probably have said it in German, though.

It might be time that we re-remember the name Alfred Adler. If this book is just one in a line of such books I would call that good news.

Some amazing insights can be found from reading this! The conversations about tasks, in particular, were the most powerful and I've already incorporated them into my daily life.
The format of the book really allowed for an easier read.

So, I recently delved into this book, and it certainly sparked some strong thoughts. As someone who enjoys exploring different psychological theories, I found myself intrigued by some ideas presented, but also left with a fair share of head-scratching moments.

The authors draw inspiration from Alfred Adler's theories, and while I can acknowledge his influence on modern psychology, I must admit that their interpretation in this book doesn't resonate with me.

The book loses me in its firm stance on certain aspects. It's as if the authors have taken Adler's ideas and pushed them to the extreme. They claim that trauma is merely a choice, a perspective that I find not just hard to digest but quite offensive. While I appreciate the encouragement to take ownership of our lives and not be defined solely by our past, it is essential to acknowledge the real experiences of trauma that countless individuals have endured. Dismissing trauma as a personal choice seems oversimplified and fails to recognize the complexity of human suffering.

Contemporary psychology recognizes the existence of trauma and the potential long-lasting effects it can have on individuals. Trauma-informed approaches and therapies aim to address the consequences of trauma and support individuals in their healing process. These approaches are supported by extensive research and clinical evidence.

The authors seem to be Adler's ‘fanbois' but add their own flavors to his ideas that are ignoring just about 100 years of modern psychology, medicine, and biology. And the masses love it, of course, they do. Nothing they love more than theories that sustain their belief in meritocracy and pull-yourself-by-your-bootstraps ideology.

It's so funny seeing people defend this book by saying, nooo, you misunderstood it, the ‘philosopher' isn't flat-out saying trauma doesn't exist and that people just invent trauma to fulfill their goal of being unhappy, he's just saying take responsibility for your life. No, the ‘philosopher' is not saying abusive people don't exist and you're making up their abuse because you don't like them, he's just saying life is all about relationships. Mental illness? That's not a thing. People are just using it as an excuse to get away from their responsibilities.

Now, I must confess, I initially approached this book with a longstanding beef with Adler, and my secret goal in life is to be unhappy hence I chose not to find this book ravishing or life-changing.

Just kidding, if it wasn't obvious. I had no idea this book was influenced by him and I can accept that Adler's concepts like taking responsibility and overcoming feelings of inferiority still hold relevance in modern psychology. That said, my main qualm lies in how the book's dialogue oversimplifies complex issues. Reducing all of life's problems to attitudes and interpersonal dynamics feels overly simplistic. It neglects the broader systemic issues and external factors that significantly influence our lives. Relationships are undeniably important, but they alone cannot serve as a panacea for life's challenges.

In conclusion, while the book presents some interesting concepts influenced by Adler's theories, I find it lacking in its approach to addressing complex psychological issues. If you choose to explore it, I encourage you to approach it critically.

3.5* sigh, I guess I expected more. The messages in this book are overall useful, but not really that mind blowing or original especially when you've read one or two self help books before - things like “only you can help yourself improve” “don't take on responsibilities of others” “live in the moment” and “only you are truly responsible for your emotions.” There's some good advice that's well phrased and the format of a dialogue is an interesting change from other help books.
However. Some of the concepts are a bit whack in the oversimplification. Such as “a kid will only harm themselves for their parents attention.” That's a really bad example to explain a concept that otherwise could be persuasive. Then there's the whole questionable punch they give you right at the beginning of “there's no such thing as trauma.” Like, I can agree with what they further say - your trauma does not define you or determine your future indefinitely. But to say that the influence is dismissable and that “we do not suffer from trauma but only make out of them whatever suits our purposes” is a bit of a harsh stretch. I'm not one bit surprised that people are giving this book 1* ratings and saying it's just victim blaming bs because if I were at the beginning of my recovery and read this, I would feel the same way. So don't read this as your first self help book.
Tldr - some good points but there are books out there that sell them better.

One of the best self-help books out there. Adlerian psychology is definitely a hard to swallow pill since most of us are used to etiological thinking. But this book convinced me that I can take control of my life at any point in my life using Adler's principles.
The dialogue style writing helped to see Adlerian psychology from different perspectives and it also made the book an easy read.

Japanese rediscovering Austrians rediscovering Stoics told in a fake conversation with someone who has no clue how youth speaks. It's not terrible but I suggest you find a good Stoic book instead.

2.5 stars = ok/good, did not finish but might reread.

I gave this book 2.5 stars because while some of it really resonates, a lot of it is just too out there for me right now. I might enjoy it and maybe even finish it later on. I'm not spiritual, but spiritually curious. This book definitely helped me tap in a bit more. I would also agree with others that the Q & A writing style for this book is borderline obnoxious.