Text Me When You Get Home
The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship
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“Text Me has the thrills and laughs of a romantic comedy, but with an inverted message: ‘There just isn't only one love story in our lives,’ Schaefer writes. If you’re lucky, friends will be the protagonists in these multiple love stories. It’s high time that we start seeing it that way.”—NPR.org A personal and sociological examination—and ultimately a celebration—of the evolution of female friendship in pop culture and modern society For too long, women have been told that we are terrible at being friends, that we can’t help being cruel or competitive, or that we inevitably abandon each other for romantic partners. But we are rejecting those stereotypes and reclaiming the power of female friendship. In Text Me When You Get Home, journalist Kayleen Schaefer interviews more than one hundred women about their BFFs, soulmates, girl gangs, and queens while tracing this cultural shift through the lens of pop culture. Our love for each other is reflected in Abbi and Ilana, Issa and Molly, #squadgoals, the acclaim of Girls Trip and Big Little Lies, and Galentine’s Day. Schaefer also includes her own history of grappling with a world that told her to rely on men before she realized that her true source of support came from a strong tribe of women. Her personal narrative and celebration of her own relationships weaves throughout the evolution of female friendship on-screen, a serious look at how women have come to value one another and our relationships. Text Me When You Get Home is a validation that has never existed before. A thoughtful, heart-soaring, deeply reported look at how women are taking a stand for their friendships and not letting go.
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01/18/2018
Relatively fun read, but lacking in direction. RTC.
02/06/2018
(This review can also be found on my blog.)
I was stoked when I saw this book on NetGalley, a feminist book about how important female friendships are? It was right up my alley. Unfortunately, I ended up being somewhat disappointed by the content. Overall, the book is well-written and makes a lot of important points. But these points are surrounded by a meandering narrative that ultimately seemed without purpose.
This is because women who say, “Text me when you get home,” aren't just asking for reassurance that you've made it to your bed unharmed. It's not only about safety. It's about solidarity. It's about knowing how unsettling it can feel when you've been surrounded by friends and then are suddenly by yourself again.
There were also a couple of points made that I didn't agree with. First and foremost was the idea that a woman could not have a man as a best friend, “it just doesn't work that way.” I disagree wholeheartedly. While I see where the author is coming from, I have several male best friends who I'm just as close to as my non-male best friends. There's nothing I don't feel comfortable sharing with them, and while they may not have gone through all the same experiences as me, they're still my best friends.
For something so widely believed, the idea that girls are mean is relatively new.
The majority of the book is anecdotal, with references to pop culture. There's a bit of historical research mixed in and very little, if any, current research. It's the author talking about her friendships with women, and interviewing other women about their friendships. All these stories seem to come from a very limited subset of women — upper-middle class straight women. At least, that was the vibe I got. I didn't mark down details about every single woman she interviewed, but this seemed to be the pattern I saw.
There were a few other things that gave me some serious “yikes” vibes. The author made jokes about strokes, and put in jokes about stalking quotes from an interviewee. There was also one line that really irritated me. The author is talking about a pair of best friends, one straight and one gay. She shared that the friends would go to gay bars together, which is fine, but that “Susanna liked being the only straight girl.” Being queer myself, I'm pretty sick of straight women co-opting gay spaces as their own and I found this inclusion completely unnecessary.
Additionally, the author shared that she didn't really care about feminism at all until Trump was elected. I think this goes to show the kind of privilege she has lived with, and that she isn't really qualified to speak for women at large. I was surprised that she even admitted to this, but I think that just means that she doesn't see any issue with it.
I will note again that I am reading an unfinished copy, so it would be interesting to know if any of these things were left out of the final copy.
Overall, Text Me When You Get Home was an enjoyable read. It was nice reading about relationships between women, but I didn't feel like I was learning anything. I would be interested in seeing a book written about relationships between women that goes more in depth than this one, and that discusses women from different backgrounds. I won't tell anyone not to read this book, but I think it's good to go into it not expecting it to be a gamechanger.
All quotes have been taken from an unfinished copy and may be changed prior to publication.
