Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come

This book did a much heavier lift than I expected. I was anticipating it to be more of a “cool story, bro” about a reluctant introvert being dragged from one uncomfortable social situation to the next.

While this book definitely included uncomfortable moments for the author, I was cheering her on the entire way. Jessica Pan’s experience as a freelance writer and her witty sense of humor definitely elevates this book from a cool experiment to one that could have fundamentally changed my life.

It’s not only a permission slip to talk to strangers, but one that encourages you to move beyond small talk with them. It’s agreeing to do something that terrifies you, and instead of backing out or constantly planning an early exit strategy, you do the thing. Terrified. But you do the thing. And the world does not end, nor do you experience the entire population of the world pointing their fingers and laughing at you.

This is a book I’m definitely keeping, but recommending everyone I know to read it themselves. I hope when I re-read this book after rediscovering it on my shelf that I’ll experience the same magical feeling.

This book came to me at the right time!

Hysterical dysfunction? Nobody waves but everybody waves back is Jessica's mantra for the year as she extroverts, going against all her instincts. This book felt like my bucket-list journey and I loved seeing her personal growth at the end.

I know I'm not a nonfiction fan, but sometimes memoirs get me. This, unfortunately, wasn't one that did. It was boring. I know that sucks to say because this is a real human's life experience, but it just was. High on shrooms (which definitely do not taste anything like what one would sprinkle over bolognese...they taste like death bro) and you took a nap listening to Laura Marling? I'm incredibly introverted and I genuinely couldn't relate to 90% of this book. Maybe it's because my introversion isn't induced by a fear of social failures. I just really like being in my home at all times. If I get lonely, I don't do stand up comedy or find a self help guru, I find niche friends online and talk to them on discord. Lol It read as disingenuous because it felt like it was more about getting material for the book than it was getting herself out of her own head.

I absolutely loved the insights of this book! So many marvelous quotes that really stand out and show how scared the world is of being open and honest in normal conversations. I love her explanation of deep talk vs normal talk, and the emotions she feels throughout are so human and raw, so beautiful to read.

Jessica Pan finds herself living in a new country with no job and no friends. She blames her troubles on being introverted, and she sets out on a quest to become more social and happier.

I am a big fan of books in which people set out to become better, research how to do so, and then accomplish the task. And that's the story in this book. In the process of reading the book, I learned a lot about human nature, including “People don't wave, but people wave back,” as well as the importance of deep conversations over small talk. Very fun and very helpful.

Where do selfish, godless, lazy people go to make friends? That's where I need to be.

I am a shintrovert. I'm shy, have problems making prolonged eye contact when speaking with people, and I'm miserable in front of a group of more than two people. But here we are, in a world where extroverts are rewarded and introverts are left feeling like they're perpetually at a disadvantage in any social situation. I recognize my weaknesses and try to get better. I put myself out there in small ways, and I swear by the ‘fake it until I make it' approach. I want to be the person giving cool, collected updates at meetings, making friends wherever I go, always having something insightful/funny/sincere to say beyond “man it's hot outside”.

The author takes this same approach, and dials it up to 11. In one year she's done things I, in the safety and security of my computer chair, would never do. Comedy standup. Giving speeches. Networking events. Taking an impromptu trip solo to a country with no preparation beforehand. A dinner party. I am simultaneously in awe of her and exhausted for her. I can't imagine the energy reserves she burned through doing all that as a shintrovert like me.

This book doesn't have any groundbreaking methods for “curing” being a shintrovert. There's nothing wrong with being who you are. But for people like me who want something just a bit more, there's a lot of inspiration here for keeping up the good fight and maybe saying yes to more events I'd probably say no to before reading this book. The real secret is just to grin and bear it, have a support friend or two to lean on during the journey, and put yourself out there more. That's all.

3.5 I'm largely resistant to labels, self-mythologising, and platitudes of self-help, but these aspects were balanced out with a respect for embracing uncertainty and Jessica's comic tone.

This is the hilarious version of the Susan Cain book on introverts, only dealing with depression and loneliness in your 30s when all your old friends move away and you have to figure out how to make friends again. (And do scary things like improv, stand-up comedy, and host a dinner party -it's like she knows my soul) lots of laugh out loud moments.

highly recommended!!

especially loved the first half. once her experiment started working & she had ~friends~, she suddenly wasn't relatable anymore