Silver Scars

DNF @ 25%

Quoth the book's blurb: “You need people to love you, especially when you shove them away.” This, of course, had me believing that the relationship wouldn't come easy. Instant lust, sure, that seemed hinted at. But an instant emotional connection? Not at all what I expected or wanted. Unfortunately, it's what we get.

But to make that worse, the handling of mental illness was atrocious. Yeah, sure, we get the obligatory “guy with PTSD curls up in fetal position after a harmless crashing noise reminds him of an explosion” scene, but it's done in such a cliche way that it feels almost like it's meant to be a spectacle. And that's about as far as the believability of any element of mental health issues in this book goes - at least by the 25% mark, which I believe is plenty of time to see how things will be handled.

Gil supposedly feels dysmorphia about his scars from an attempted assassination, to the point he covers them in makeup sometimes. Yet within one day he's comfortable enough to go makeup-free and strip down to a speedo to swim with and then hook up with Keith. He allegedly thinks poorly of Keith for using what he wrongly assumes is a decorative mobility aid (because, hey, judging of people who don't have blatantly visible disabilities is just totes cool, I guess), yet feels totally comfortable discussing the origin of his scars and nature of his PTSD when they've barely spent a few hours together - before he even knows Keith has an injury of his own from a violent encounter and thus can relate. He allegedly has extreme issues with people touching him, yet he's completely okay with having his scars touched by Keith and doesn't even stop to think maybe kissing all of Keith's scars and more or less fetishizing them might not be a great idea (it's okay, of course; the hookup goes on unhindered). And by the day after they hook up, Gil is a heartbroken, lovesick puppy over having to return home. As planned. Because they met on a business trip. It's just... messy. A hot mess, and not in the good way.

Here's a tip for every author ever, not just this one: don't have a character insist they've built up walls to shut out the world, hardened their heart, etc. if you plan to show them opening up to and sharing their traumatic backstory with a random stranger they find attractive - especially if it happens within a day of meeting. It just rings false when a character learns to open up to the world in one day because they had an ill-advised one night stand with a coworker they unfairly judged. And it feels like being lied to when a character who's allegedly walled off and hardened to the world has an emotional meltdown into a depressive episode because they had to go home at the planned time when a business trip ended and leave their special magic perfect new total stranger love interest behind. It's not believable. It's honestly just annoying. At times, it borders on problematic.

Add onto that the obligatory bitchy, meddling female character who exists for no reason other than to serve as a potential foil for the relationship and be shit-talked by the male MC, and I already knew I wouldn't want to finish this one. But once Keith acted like a jilted teenager when Gil didn't respond to a very personal text sent during work hours and it was revealed Gil dropped an “I love you” before going back home - to the total stranger he'd hooked up with? Nope. That was my sign to jump off this ship and into a life raft.

Bonus round, though? These two insta-lovebirds go from reliving trauma, talking about heavy topics, etc. over a Skype call to immediately deciding to jerk off on camera for each other. I think I may need a neck brace for all the tonal whiplash I've endured while reading the first quarter of this book.

If I felt determined enough, I'd probably be able to force myself to read the whole thing. But I don't want to, because I feel zero connection to the characters or the story and I'm already in a reading slump. I'm sick of pushing myself through things I don't enjoy, and not even a reading challenge is worth making the “I would rather play video games and sit in front of a TV during every free moment of time than read anything at all” emotions I have lately any worse.

Another failed entry in my Read A Rainbow challenge, but I already know what book I'm going to replace it with so at least there's that...?