Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed

Probably just about a 3.5 but I'm still rounding up coz I feel it's an important issue to talk about.

I think my slightly lower rating of a collection I thought I'll be blown away by is more of an expectations problem because I did go into this hoping to find atleast a few essays which deeply spoke to me, and it disappointed me when there was hardly one where I could find parts of myself in, that too written by a man (Geoff Dyer), whose societal expectations of fatherhood are in no way similar to the expectations put upon me as a married woman to have a child. There was also one essay by Lionel Shriver at the halfway point which came across as condescending and smug, with its racist tone of lament that the population with superior European genes will be in the minority in western countries in a few decades.

The other essays were ofcourse good in the sense that I could empathize with all the writers' dilemmas and choices that made them ultimately decide to not be a parent. But most of them had at one point or the other, seriously contemplated having a child (especially most of the women); many even tried and it didn't happen due to other life circumstances; a couple got abortions or had miscarriages which later cemented their idea to not have kids; or some happened upon this decision due to childhood trauma. But there wasn't one essay where I could find a woman deciding not to be a mother just because she didn't want to, and not because she was past her age of fertility and didn't regret not having a child in hindsight.

But this collection is still valuable because the topic is being talked about. Many individuals and couples are contemplating not being parents as a legitimate choice to make in this day and age, and I think we should be able to listen to all those voices and not stigmatize such choices, nor put parenthood (and particularly motherhood) on a pedestal, calling it the ultimate purpose of human existence.

About a third of the way through there is a thinly veiled lament about the “Great Replacement”

so i stopped there

I love the variety of perspectives included here. I think it's great they included the voices of people who had wanted children and who didn't, who hated children and who loved them, and men as well as women. This is a topic much derided and given little attention. It was so comforting to read these voices and know I'm not alone or bizarre in my way of thinking.

I've only listened to 2 essays so far, and neither were great, and yes,this is on me because I didn't check to see the list of contributing authors - but Lionel Shriver is included here. Yep, you may remember Lionel Shriver from such things as using the Brisbane Writers Festival to publicly argue FOR cultural appropriation. Annnnd I'm done here. In case you need further opinions to solidify the point that Lionel Shriver's racist dreck is not worth your eyeballs or ears, I just saw this gem of a 1-star review from fellow Goodreadser Rana from Apr 24, 2015:

ETA: I thought more about this and I remembered the exact point at which I stopped reading. Lionel Shriver's essay; it was horrifyingly racist in that she laments that her choice not to have kids means she won't be passing along her intelligent and literary European genes. If I feel, oh, a little wistful about the fact that the country of my birth, the United States, will probably within my lifetime no longer be peopled in majority by those of European extraction like me, that passing dismay has never been considerable enough for me to inconvenience myself by giving lifts to football practice. Her whole essay was about how it was so sad that her white and educated friends weren't having babies but that developing countries and immigrants were. Yep, that was when I stopped reading.

As with any anthology, I liked some more than others, but overall it's a good collection that I'd definitely recommend to anyone who doesn't want kids, or is on the fence about having kids. There's an interesting variety of perspectives and attitudes.

(If you already have kids there's probably not much here for you.)