Real Self-Care

When it comes to boundaries, we are training the people in our lives how to treat us.

Self-help is a challenging genre for me. One I sporadically dabble in (usually to read specific titles friends loved), only to become immediately incensed by self-righteous vague advice. As I once heard on a podcast about Jordan Peterson, it feels like everything offered is either 1) obvious, or 2) false. The genre feels so individualistic, and I just cannot buy into solutions that turn a blind eye to systemic barriers. It feels like sidestepping reality.

Real Self-Care manages to balance acknowledgment of institutional injustice with actual action we can take to address untenable circumstances and workload. These strategies are derived from evidence-based therapeutic interventions, while reiterating that the book is not a substitute for therapy or meds. Dr. Lakshmin also provides extensive resources at the back for finding therapists and psychiatrists, and barometers throughout the text about how to tell whether you might benefit from either.

This is everything I wanted [b:The Emotionally Exhausted Woman|60062210|The Emotionally Exhausted Woman Why You're Feeling Depleted and How to Get What You Need|Nancy Colier|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1664631572l/60062210.SX50.jpg|94706608] to be and more. It starts by quoting Audre Lorde's The Master's Tools, for chrissake (and comes back to Lorde throughout the text, among other prominent Black feminists).

Dr. Lakshmin does a good job helping readers to view certain obligations as 1) less dichotomous 2) choices we are making. She talks about how to create boundaries in a way that frees us of responsibility for others' reactions to our boundaries. She is upfront about the fact that we will feel guilt and discomfort when advocating for ourselves, especially as we start doing so more regularly.

I also loved what she said about how individual changes create feedback loops within systems to encourage institutional progress. This is what drives me to talk about therapy or to take breaks at work: the desire to work somewhere as supportive of mental health and work/life balance as possible. The personal is political, and our individual choices can in turn empower others to share their experiences and speak up for what they care about — or just take a nap!

I'd recommend this for anyone who has ever felt trapped, overwhelmed, or exhausted by the way we do life. See also [b:Laziness Does Not Exist|54304124|Laziness Does Not Exist|Devon Price|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1607877126l/54304124.SY75.jpg|84737407]. I haven't read it yet, but I think [b:Burnout|42397849|Burnout The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle|Emily Nagoski|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1551216612l/42397849.SY75.jpg|66080282] may pair well with this, too.