P.S. I Still Love You

2.5, rounded up to 3 stars

I don't even know where to begin with this one, other than to say how incredibly disappointed I am. This book took the character I loved most from the original and turned him into a despicable piece of shit who mistreats his girlfriend and at some points downright emotionally abuses her. It brought in an actual love triangle - technically even a square - despite the thing I loved most about the original being that nobody was actually dating at the time thus nobody was really cheating. It excused away horrific behaviours of certain characters by twisting it all around until Lara Jean took responsibility when it was never her fault. It just... shat on everything I loved about the first book, more or less. And ultimately, it ended like far too many YA books do: the girl takes back the guy who mistreated her because twu wuv, as if there aren't any other guys out there she could possibly ever care for as much.

Honestly, I'm so mentally exhausted from seeing my fave get turned into a horrible person and experiencing an angsty roller coaster all for nothing, thanks to that ending, that I can't be bothered to write a coherent review. So I'm just going to dump the notes I made while reading:

01. There's the obvious character to hate - Genevieve, that evil skank - but at least she's just an idiotic mean girl who has a vague chance of learning and growing in life. Nope. Gen never learns or grows. She's downright evil and deserves to be lonely for the rest of her fictional, little life.02. Oh, look, we have a guidance counselor who victim blames and slut shames an underage girl who had nonconsensually-filmed video of an intimate moment spread online.Mrs. Duvall, the guidance/college counselor stops me on my way to English. "Lara Jean," she begins, then falters. "You're such a bright, talented girl. You're not the type of girl to get caught up in these sorts of things. I'd hate to see you go down a wrong path."[...]"Good girl," she says. "I know you're better than that."The words echo in my ears: Better than that. Better than what? Than who?Someone fire this horrible excuse for a counselor! There's absolutely no excuse for this disgusting abuse of her position as a counselor to shame and guilt a victim. It's not as if Lara Jean took or posted the blurry, behind-the-bushes video of herself in a hot tub!03. Why did Lara Jean, who has been through having her personal letters distributed and being put in a vulnerable position online without consent, decide it was okay to make a dating website profile for her dad? This one ends up making more sense later when it's revealed that she didn't make the profile active and was instead setting it up to try convincing him to use it. A very long time passes before that's revealed, though.04. It bothered me when Lara Jean forced herself to let Kitty borrow an expensive necklace Peter gave her for Valentine's Day just because it'd be "stingy" to not allow it. Why? It's an expensive gift. It's specifically hers. There's tons of other things she shares with her sisters. Why would it be "stingy" to have this one, special thing all to herself?!05. John's involvement is horribly contrived. Why would the new owner of his home not deliver the note sooner if he cared about it getting where it belonged? Why would he keep mail addressed to some kid for so long? And then for him to recognize the name when he's called on a job to fix a fallen tree - which miraculously happened to spawn the circumstances of the subplot - and take the letter along... No. Just no. It makes no sense and I hate it for not making sense. (Later, we even learn he's related to someone at the retirement home where Lara Jean works, so there's really no excuse for the contrived pen pals nonsense when they could have reunited that way instead.)06. While the predecessor of this book was amazing and I loved it for subverting tropes and being cute, this book falls into tropes and common deus ex plot devices while being more angsty and frustrating than cute or adorable. I'm so salty over what Peter became. I swear it was toned down a lot for the first movie, which I prefer so much to this installment.07. Why are all these characters so off from who they used to be? Lara Jean went from naive and sheltered to outright grossly immature, constantly pinching people and acting like a child. I even hate what Chris became. A complete jerk with jealousy issues who makes everything about herself. Ugh. She was adorably rebellious in the first book, now she just sucks. And of course Peter. And Kitty is a lot more nasty in her attitude.08. This book feels so slow and gets so boring at points, ugh. Too much unnecessary descriptions and too many unnecessary events. Contradictory to that point, however, I really like the retirement home stuff. Stormy's pretty damn cool!09. Peter in this book is unforgivably pathetic, cruel, and stupid. Unforgivably. And I hate that so much because he was a character I actually liked - my favourite, in fact - and now I outright hate him for how he treats Lara Jean. Seriously, asking for the necklace he gifted her back, too? This can't be Peter. It just can't be how he was initially planned. There were no hints of this monster in the first book.10. Can someone please just push Gen off a cliff into a giant vat of Grow The Fuck Up Serum...?11. Eew. Eew. LJ found out that Gen's dad is having an affair and now she's all "oh I get why she was all over Peter seeking comfort and I can't hate her and I know he can't either" and I'm sitting here like GURL the fuck is WRONG with you, she destroyed your reputation and treated you like shit and behaved highly inappropriately with your jackass now-ex boyfriend. The hell?! (This one a direct copy/paste of me livechatting the reading experience to my bestie.)12. My ship got together, but by then it was no longer my ship. I can't forgive Peter for how he treated Lara Jean, especially when he knew how much she hated how close he was with Gen - and what Gen did to her with the video. One of the characters I loved most was turned into someone I completely loathe, and after all that a super rushed ending tried to put them back together and shove out the guy (John Ambrose) who actually treated Lara Jean with respect. Also, fuck this whole "no, it was just Lara Jean being hung up on Gen the whole time" nonsense. Because no, it clearly was not. Peter was behaving inappropriately with his ex, who was being a pathetic and evil bully, and LJ was rightly hurt by those things.13. I was so happy that To All The Boys I've Loved Before subverted the YA trope of the girl flocking to an emotionally abusive and domineering boyfriend. Now look where we are. Everything is all turned upside down and Lara Jean is hung up on someone who treated her like trash. It's supposed to be romantic, I think??? It's just plain gross.14. This book wasn't the continuation of something cute started in the first of the series. It was frustrating and angsty and heartbreaking - and not in a good way. It's not what I hoped for, and honestly I'm so exhausted of the nonsense that I don't know if I want to read the next installment.

There you have it. The more coherent/relevant of the notes I took and planned to use to help form a review. I just don't really care enough to make it into something nice and eloquent right now.

I will say, however, that there's something I enjoy about Jenny Han's writing style. It kept me from giving up on this book the few times I wanted to just close it and erase it from memory. There are still so many cute family moments and even moments where the characters who were personality-butchered shine through as their original selves. Though a bit too young-sounding at times (especially when she says Mommy and Daddy), Lara Jean's thoughts feel genuinely like those of a young girl who's confused and in love.

Will I continue to the third book in this series? Honestly, I don't know yet. There's an extremely sour taste in my mouth, so to speak, and it needs time to wash away before I want to find out anything else about the journey of Lara Jean.

Review to come.

When you lose someone and it still hurts, that's when you know the love was real.