Present Over Perfect

A thoughtful memoir about burnout and learning to slow down, to live fully in our limitations and imperfections. If you have a low tolerance for God talk, it may turn you off, but I found it pretty accessible even as someone who's non-religious.

I knew that I needed to work less. That's absolutely true. That's the first step. But it's trickier than that: the internal voice that tells me to hustle can find a to-do list in my living room as easily as it can in an office. It's not about paid employment. It's about trusting that the hustle will never make you feel the way you want to feel. In that way, it's a drug, and I fall for the initial rush every time: if I push enough, I will feel whole. I will feel proud, I will feel happy. What I feel, though, is exhausted and resentful, but with well-organized closets.

This isn't about working less or more, necessarily. This isn't about homemade or takeout, or full time or part time, or the specific ways we choose to live out our days. It's about rejecting the myth that every day is a new opportunity to prove our worth, and about the truth that our worth is inherent, given by God, not earned by our hustling. It's about learning to show up and let ourselves be seen just as we are, massively imperfect and weak and wild and flawed in a thousand ways, but still worth loving. It's about realizing that what makes our lives meaningful is not what we accomplish, but how deeply and honestly we connect with the people in our lives, how wholly we give ourselves to the making of a better world, through kindness and courage.

This book is deeply personal for the author. This made it hard to read and relate to.

Just Ok for me.

I am a very logical person, and I honestly couldn't understand this book. For eample, the following sentence:

“I . . . believed that I wasn't one of those delicate flower ladies who had to drench herself in silence and green juice in order to function.”

After reading this sentence three times, I just decided I wasn't going to understand it.

At other times, the author contradicts her own advice. For example, on page 91, she describes a time (long after her conversion) when her Spiritual Director tells her, “You're ready, I can sense it. You're ready to truly know Jesus.” On page 160, she warns against “allowing other people to determine your best choices,” and “abdicating authority for my own choices.” I would vehemently argue that allowing another person to convince you that you do not “truly” know Jesus is the most regrettable abdication of self possible!

Having said all that, I was astounded by the chapter “On Disappointing People.” There were some amazing ideas such as:

“You'll be free to love your work, because you're not using it as a sneaky way to be loved or approved of. You'll be free to love the things you give to people, because you're giving them freely, untangled from resentments and anger.”

So this is a book that was helpful, but I would hesitate to recommend due to some vague, flowery passages.

This was the book I didn't know I needed. As always Shauna moves me and I find myself crying every page

I struggled initially to get into this book. The chapters are very short essay reflections, and I felt continually like the thought hadn't been completed. On the other hand, it also felt like the same points were being made over and over again. As I continued to read, this repeated-thought aspect made more sense: it was almost a picture of Niequist's mind as she ruminated over and over about her struggle. As the book progressed, her revelations got deeper and struck closer to my own heart. However, as I came to the end, I struggled with her emphasis on needing to choose to not give her energy out everywhere else so she could be present with her husband and sons; this, of course, is a beautiful decision, but what do I personally do with that? As an unmarried, non-parent, I also feel weary. So what choice do I have in being present over perfect? Overall, a good book with interesting things to think about, but not as life-changing as I might have hoped.