Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy

2020 • 268 pages

Ratings34

Average rating4.4

15

Interesting in the beginning. Nice explanation about attachment theory. Polysecure presented the four attachment styles as quadrants in a graph with two axis. I liked this approach better as it allows more flexibility and doesnt pathologize insecure forms of attachment so strongly. Then it presented the neat, but not so sure yet if that useful, secure base and safe haven concepts.

After these definitions, the meat of the book just wasn't all that interesting to me. As pointed out in some other reviews, the book felt a little non-diverse, which is specially sad when talking about the diversity of polyamory. Hierarchical poly and people opening up their relationship got a big representation. Even then, some suggestions made by the book just rubbed me the wrong way.

Language like "you won't believe the wonders 30 seconds of this will make" are also not my cup of tea.

In the end I'd recommend reading the first few chapters where attachment styles and boundaries are described and leave it at that.

November 4, 2024