Opening Up

A great book about open relationships in general and rejecting “mononormativity” in particular, and about the various flavors of n-dimensional relationships that exist and people make work for them. Highly recommended reading, whether you're dreaming of an 8-people polycule or even if it has just always irked you when random people want to tell you how to behave as a spouse, and you refuse to let it be anyone's business but you and your partner's.

It's come to my attention that I actually have several poly/non-monogamous friends and I wanted to learn more. Mostly, I wanted to understand the question of why people go into non-monogamous relationships. What are “good” reasons? What are “bad” reasons? How does it work?

This is a great book for getting across the message that there are LOTS of different types of relationships out there and people do this for a lot of reasons.

For me, a person in a monogamous relationship, there's a lot of good information and thought-provoking ideas in here. Reading it sparked a closer examination of what I need in a relationship, what I enjoy in my relationship, and what I could be doing better to make my relationship more satisfying. The emphasis on communication, consent, agreement, mutual satisfaction, and the concept of “compersion”are all things that I want to explore in my relationship.

There's also a very informative discussion around sexual health and legal considerations for poly families.

So, I would recommend this book even for monogamous people who just want a new perspective on romance, sex, and relationships.

I have to be honest. When I initially heard about Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, it was in association with someone I can't stand, and I childishly let that association color my impression of the book. I didn't really consider reading it. I finally got around to reading (okay, listening to) it this past week, and I'm sorry I didn't do so sooner. It's so good that I'm considering purchasing a print copy to have on hand in my lending library, and maybe even an ebook copy so that I might easily reference passages from time to time.

None of the information is new to me, exactly, but it is put together very well. The sections on issues to consider/issues that might arise in each style of responsible non-monogamy were especially appreciated. I was disappointed that there isn't a section in her web site for readers, but perhaps the print copy has reproducible checklists.

The chapter on STIs was very good, although I think that a list of specific STIs for which non-monogamous people should request testing would have been helpful.

In any case, I do recommend this book. It's replacing Love Without Limits as my go-to recommendation for new polyfolk to read.

A very practical and measured book that does just what it says it will. It helped me understand the different ways people approach polyamory, which was education and enlightening. Would recommend.