Nowhere Ranch

In which I am once again reminded that I'm not smartI've had this book (digital & audiob) for an embarrassing amount of time. I knew from the cover and blurb that I'd be a happy camper. I've more than loved quite a few [a:Heidi Cullinan 3173295 Heidi Cullinan https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1346879953p2/3173295.jpg] stories. Trusted GR friends have fawned over this and recommended it enthusiastically. So what do I do? Let it languish for eons! This makes me either a bag of rocks or a sneaky genius who likes to save reads that will hug her tight in all the right places for moments of dire need i.e. this year from hell. The jury is out on this but not the book. This was everything I wanted it to be but way better. On paper I should & shouldn't have loved this so much, but I did. Monroe ‘Roe' Davis had my heart from the first. He's one of the myriads who've had to find their own way in this cold world because of families who only know how to love conditionally. They may wear the mantle of religion or some other claptrap but in the end it's the same song and dance: “I love you but you have to be X, turn yourself into a pretzel shape, and only walk on one leg on alternate Saturdays” in other words self satisfied aggrandizement and bullshit. Roe may not have the words but he did have the intelligence to know that that was no life at all. He's been roaming for five years, doing itinerant farm work, forging no attachments, because they'll only lead to disappointment, and just existing. At the ripe old age of twenty-five (25) he gets hired at Nowhere Ranch, a kind of hobby ranch, owned by one Travis Loving, a forty-two (42) year old former math professor and it turns out king of kink. That's fine. Roe doesn't do vanilla. But let's unpack a couple of things here, in no particular order.Here goes my tired song and dance about hating Doms, the sadistic ones in particular. Travis was no different. Hate might be a strong word because he does come through for Roe when it matters but the desire to hurt your loved one, really hurt them, will never sit right with me regardless of how much the other party wants to be hurt. In any case Travis was better than most but I loved seeing him struggle, trying to prevent Roe from slipping away from him like water through clasped hands. Roe likes what Travis does to him in bed. It's the other stuff he feels Travis angling for, the relationship part, that he isn't willing to venture, partly because he can't fathom anyone being interested in him, and mostly to save himself the heartache of being discarded after the shine has dulled. So sad. But Travis is a professor after all and he knows pretty quickly what treasure he's stumbled upon. What he doesn't know is how hold on to it. Skittish horses have nothing on Roe and I loved that. Loved that despite pulling out all the kinky stops Travis can't get a handle on Roe. This is mostly because neither of them deals much in words and that's another thing I loved. Most people who are not grad students on behavioral theory or whatever don't really talk ad nauseam about how a ‘scene' makes them feel, where their desires or fears spring from etc. Maybe we should but we don't. I liked that about these two. The were quite ordinary rural men who happen to enjoy kink. Against best practices for BDSM there wasn't a safeword, just plain NO, Roe sometimes drank pre-playtime, no contracts were whipped out and signed etc. I loved it. These two are pretty compatible kink wise and on the domestic front. They have this one thing fisting which they're pretty fixated on, a goal post to reach. I've always wondered about it in the clinical sense. After some ahem research I've decided that like most sexual preferences, turn ons, fetishes etc it has more to do with a headspace thing than the actual physical pleasure. Cool. Lastly is Travis Loving, his surname, a nod to Rob Loving from [b:Training Season 18781329 Training Season (Training Season, #1) Leta Blake https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1384216250l/18781329.SY75.jpg 26690961]? What are the odds of two ‘out of the mold' Doms, westerners, Nebraska and Montana respectively, quirky kinky ranchers, having the same last name? I'm not complaining, just things that pop into my brain. I think I would've liked a brief scene from Travis's POV but in fact that would be wrong. This is Roe's story, his to tell and he's a wonderful narrator. I bled for him when he was beating himself up, thinking he was no good, when he struggled to just be after the sex was over, but overall I cracked up watching him try to resist the force that is Haley. I loved that the story took place over an extended period of time making Roe's journey to self acceptance believable. That Travis in a sense just became an anchor to hold and protect Roe when necessary was perfect. Here's to future happy reads of this piece of perfection. Perfect because it is imperfect like the people who inhabit it and the story & the people are all heart. ps. The AB by [a:Iggy Toma 13543759 Iggy Toma https://s.gr-assets.com/assets/nophoto/user/u_50x66-632230dc9882b4352d753eedf9396530.png] shouldn't be listened to while trying to choose produce in the supermarket. Leaky eyes might make an appearance. Not a good look.

My favorite line:

Bill was clearly trying to look down at this sleazy bastard having dirty gay sex with his little brother...

Oh yes, the gay sex was oh so dirty, in such a good way! This was a great story that I found to be unexpectedly sweet.

One thing I appreciated was the realistic portrayal of the conflict with Roe's family. I think this book comes the closest to showing how the conservative families of gay people I know have reacted to them coming out. Even so, there's one aspect I have yet to see in any book, and it's an almost universal feeling with every conservative Christian I know here in the South. That being that we (I'm including myself because this was how I was raised) are taught that homosexuality is a sin, that living this way is wrong, that being unrepentant means you aren't truly saved and will go to hell. So when families who have been taught this crap their whole lives find out someone they love is gay, the biggest reason they're upset is because they're terrified that their son/daughter/brother/sister/etc is going to go to hell and suffer for eternity, and they don't want that to happen to someone they care so much about. The problem is that when they try to “save” their loved one by telling them they essentially have to change who they are or go to hell, that drives the person away. Since it's obviously impossible for them to force themselves to be straight, in order for the relationship to be healed, the change has to be in the beliefs of their families, that it isn't sinful and it's the way God made them. Unfortunately, many people are completely inflexible and refuse to acknowledge that their church could have gotten it wrong. It's sad :/ Anyway, I've gone off on a tangent, and I only meant to say I haven't yet found a book with characters being upset for the reason most people I know would be, but this book comes the closest.

Ahem, back to the dirty gay sex, I'm not really into puppy and pony play, but that part was at least entertaining, and the rest was very hot! I loved the characters, loved Roe's name, and enjoyed watching their relationship develop.