Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture

I found this collection a little uneven, but enjoyed standout essays “The Luckiest MILF in Brooklyn,” “Floccinaucinihilipilification,” “Utmost Resistance and the Law, “Bodies Against Borders,” “Picture Perfect,” and “Why I Didn't Say No.”

Well written and a vitally important read. I found this heavy but also liberating - the thoughts and feelings I feel are normal and many people feel this way. I want this to be required reading for everyone who denies rape culture. I also wish that there was more of a summary/conclusion at the end of this - it feels a little unfinished and needs something to round it out.

this is probably the most important book i've ever read. please read this.

This is one of those collection of stories that you don't want to read, hate that they exist, and recommend to everyone. I wish this didn't exist, but since it needs to, I'm glad it does. Read it and listen.

I am grateful for Roxane Gay for bringing stories like this to the masses, though I doubt the masses that should read them are. Still, it makes me feel less alone to read stories like mine.

This was really uncomfortable to read, and for that reason, I recommend everyone do so.

I maybe shouldn't have marathoned this last night but (save one or two essays [it's a collection what can you do]) it was excellent and - of course heartbreaking - but also repetitive. We all need to hear that the sexual assault and harassment most women have experienced is “Bad enough” (then I read the Feb 11th New York Times magazine article on how teens use porn as sex ed and I thought maybe we could tell girls they should get pleasure out of sex for themselves? But lots of things I definitely don't know how to fix in the world) A solid diversity of stories across gender identity, sexuality, race, etc

local content note: one of the essays was written about that time an unnamed university [coughUBC cough] had a serial assaulter hanging around campus and what it's like to be afraid of walking home alone at night in general. I remember being so angry - women everywhere waiting for Safewalk to escort them home from the library late at night and men walking freely while I just needed to finish my final papers instead of worrying about being on campus after dark. The posters that went up with an illustration of a random caucasian dude in a hoody, it could have been any man but, like #notallmen. *grumble

???The survivor who was raped at knifepoint feels guilty she has taken up the space of a survivor who was raped at gunpoint. Everyone believes there is suffering worse than her own, that they should be strong enough to cope without me.???

The title undoubtedly refers to how many times this phrase, and similar ones, come up in the essays. Writer after writer wrestles with guilt for feeling pain over something that's “not that bad” compares to someone else, and the realization that what happened was plenty bad. Telling themselves “not that bad” to get through while trying to impress on the people they meet how bad it really was.

Anyhow, these essays are important, informative, and worth your time. We all have the power, in some way, to make this world safer, kinder, more empathetic, to choose to align with the hurt instead of bolstering a system that protects the perpetrator.