Never Enough
When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
Ratings2
Average rating4
So I picked this up not realizing it was essentially a book on not just 1) high achieving teens and how detrimental the stressful culture of achievement is to their mental health and future success but also 2) about how to thoughtfully parent those high achieving teens. The premise is real food for thought +it was a little odd to be reading about a parenting style that would have personally really been relevant to my teenage years that I definitely wasn't familiar with. The book also has to walk a fine line along acknowledging that these students don't struggle in ways that kids in poverty and dangerous communities do and that this whole idea starts with privileged teens, but that these are still real issues for them that impact their mental and physical health. Overall, I think a lot of this book would resonate with my fellow former high achieving teens - even ones who don't have kids & it might help you in your own re-parenting journey.
I assumed that I already knew what was in this book, but I was wrong. The author went beyond my (low) expectation that she would say that our fast-paced achievement-oriented culture is bad for our kids. Instead, she offered:
lots of compelling stories;
a reminder that the high school treadmill continues into college (from grade pressures to internship pressures);
compassion for parents (especially mothers who often carry the responsibility to help our kids stand out among their peers);
an accessible – if brief –explanation of how parent anxiety is understandable given how society has changed and economic mobility increasingly precarious for the middle class; and
practical suggestions for making ourselves and our kids healthier and happier.
One of her themes is that we need to feel that we matter, and that focus drives the second half of the book. I do think all of this is easier said than done, and she admits she comes from the Ivy League background that she's now challenging somewhat, but I felt understood and encouraged – both as a parent and an educator – in the middle of the culture she critiques.