My Dark Vanessa

One sentence synopsis... In the midst of the #MeToo movement, Vanessa re-evaluates a relationship with her teacher that began when she was 15 and has cast a shadow over the rest of her life.

Read it if you like... ‘A Little Life' aka you just like reading stories about people who have terrible things happen to them.

Dream casting... recycle the redheaded duo of Amy Adams and Sophia Lillis as the older and young versions of each other from 'Sharp Objects'.

My Dark Vanessa is a sort of a study of a relationship between a student and an English teacher, which starts when they are 15 and 42, respectively. It, therefore, touches on pedophilia, as well as manipulation, consent, coercion, and to some degree, self-worth, and self-confidence. It is this that makes the book an uncomfortable, at times, hard-to-read, but also a compelling read. These subjects were incredibly well presented and approached, allowing you to understand to some extent how these relationships sometimes happen and develop. 
As it could only be, My Dark Vanessa raises a lot of questions to which it doesn't offer clear answers and to which, upon reflection, you will not be able to answer in a better way since the novel deals with grey areas.
It will most likely be a book you will think of it often after you've read it. The only critic I can think of is that there was a part where the pace slowed down and became a little redundant. However, it is not something that bothered me significantly.
Definitely one of my favourite reads of 2020.

Man, this book. This is a powerful, heavy read. The way the author portrayed the grooming and the manipulation without spelling it out and allowing us to see it the way teenage Vanessa did was so well done. I also really liked the handling of the PTSD and the issues brought up like pressure to speak up for the sake of the larger narrative, and the pop references that shed light to the influence of our culture. And I just loved the ending. This is a tough read that I highly recommend.

This is a deeply disturbing tale of sexual, psychological and emotional abuse that illustrates the process of grooming and gaslighting. It was difficult to read - but an important one.

The author did a great job of getting in the mind of the main character and the first half of the book kept me turning the pages. The second half was way too long and lost my interest. The writing was good and I felt that the author dealt with the dynamics of sexual abuse in a realistic manner.

Everyday I order coffee and pie while I read or finish homework, imagining that I look mysterious and adult sitting in a booth all by myself.

While reading this book, I was often struck by how very personal to my own story as a teenage girl it felt, and it is all boiled down in that quote. It could be a line out of my own diary at fifteen - being called “mature for your age”, feeling like I got along better with adults than with people my own age, being swept away in the romanticism of the taboo and depressing, feeling as if no one understood my hidden depths, and more than anything thinking that I was already grown up and in control.

All of these hallmarks of adolescence, which feel so singular to yourself in the moment, are the exact kind of emotional foundations within Vanessa's character that are ripe for potential abuse once you mix in the fact that you aren't actually as grown up and prepared as you thought. In Vanessa's story, unlike mine, someone unfortunately did notice her in all those ways she thought she wanted, but in the end was ill prepared for. In the book's flashback chapters, there was no point that Vanessa seemed to care for Strane as a person (in fact, she notes on several occasions how unattractive she finds him), but rather is groomed into a strange possessiveness towards him – where she feels disgust one minute, jealous the next, wanting, and then repulsed. As she grows older, she continues to seek him out, even while not wanting him to touch her. She is a victim, but one that deals with that reality by drawing out the unhealthy relationship for over fifteen years in order to convince herself that there's no way she could actually be a victim. Even in her adult form, she not a clear-cut sympathetic figure – she acknowledges (in an observational sense at least) her potential to become exactly the type of abuser she endured, she lashes out with cries for help just as often as she returns to comfort her abuser, she continues to both belittle her own experience and the experiences of the other girls, and I'm not truly sure she has understood any of those behaviors in herself by the end of the book.

Because of that deliberate stagnation in her character growth, this is much more of an “it's about the journey” type of story, but works extremely well as an emotional dissection of the murky waters of sexuality, consent, victim-hood, and cycles of abuse. All the questions her experiences bring up are laid out for you to contemplate within yourself, but are left open ended and without conclusions drawn. Why is the lure of a younger woman/older man trope so strong (both internally for a lot of teenage girls, and externally in pop culture)? Can you feel like you had autonomy in an abusive situation? Do you have an obligation to tell your story, no matter how bad a light it sheds on you? The answers are that there aren't really answers at all, but examining the questions and the emotions behind them is still worthwhile.

Sidenote: Why is it always an English teacher? As I discussed with my friend while reading this, the English teacher at my high school had that friendly vibe that made you feel like a peer instead of a child (and who every person had heard substantial rumors about, and who we all still talk about amongst ourselves over a decade later), it feels like it's always English and Literature teachers. At her school it was the exact same situation. I guess there is something much more alluring and accessible about roping someone in over classic literature than over the quadratic equation.

I've seen several recommendations for this book, so I gave it a try. Not for everyone, but also not ground breaking. I felt sad for our heroine, but I also question a lot of her choices and motivations. I guess I'm overlooking those issues based upon the character's age and the fact she was sought out by a predator. 3 stars.

Absolutely riveting. First book in a long time that made me stay up until 530 in the morning just to finish it. I wish I had more words to say to describe how impactful this book is for me, but without getting into my own story - this is all I can conjure up. This was a beautiful and hard to read book, many times leaving me breathless as I could see myself as Vanessa. I will treasure this read for many years to come.

This review can also be found on my blog.Wow. So, I read this almost entirely in one sitting and was absolutely blown away by it. Yet another book that tackles the intricacies of abuse and how things aren't always black & white. While as a reader it is easy to condemn Strane and even to see where Vanessa went “wrong,” the novel also delves into the impact of grooming and how it can impact one's thought processes for life. It faces head-on the idea of agency in young women and why some people may opt to see themselves as something other than a victim. This is unbelievably compelling and unbelievably important and in lieu of a full review (that would just be me gushing), I'll leave you with some of the lines that struck me most while reading this.It's important that you never feel coerced. That's the only way I'll be able to live with myself.~“Haven't you always felt like an outsider, a misfit?” he asks. “I'll bet for as long as you can remember, you were called mature for your age. Weren't you?”I think back to third grade, how it felt to bring home a report card with a teacher's note scribbled on the bottom: Vanessa is very advanced, seems like she's eight years old going on thirty. I'm not sure I was ever really a kid at all.~Slowly guided into the fire–why is everyone so scared to admit how good that can feel? To be groomed is to be loved and handled like a precious, delicate thing.~Because if it isn't a love story, then what is it?Blog Twitter Instagram Facebook Ko-fi

Vanessa is 15, shy and talented, a pupil at a boarding school, when her English lit teacher grooms and seduces her. By lending her [b:Lolita 7604 Lolita Vladimir Nabokov https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1377756377l/7604.SY75.jpg 1268631] nontheless. The affair and relationship stretches off-and-on over the next decade, rendering Vanessa blind to its abusive nature. We follow along in alternating timelines: we experience the sweet and sickening beginnings at the boarding school through the eyes of a teenage girl, and we also encounter how a grown-up Vanessa has to come to terms with her trauma, when the #metoo movement flares up and various allegations about her former teacher emerge. I just really need it to be a love story. [...] Because of it isn't a love story, then what is it?Even though this is about a scandalous story, this isn't a scandalous book. It's darkly fascinating and uncomfortable, but nuanced, and not all black and white. It does a great job at depicting the psychological torment that's hidden in Vanessa, in the past and the present, toggling love and repulsion, self-awareness and submission. The book shows how hard or sometimes impossible it can be, to dig your way out of something so traumatic. She is marked by this story, unable to escape it, seeing and seeking similarities in the people and relationships around her.

Excellent fictional account of a young 15-year-old being groomed as a sexual partner by an older 42-year old teacher and her subsequent growth toward understanding how that relationship, which lasted well into her thirties, affected her life. In my experience as a therpist, this rang very true and real.

This book is beautifully written, and while I struggled to get into it, I think it's worth powering through as all your discomfort and reservations about Vanessa are more than rewarded in the narrative. Full of TWs though - if you have a trigger, it's probably in here, even if just mentioned in passing. So be mindful of that.