Men Have Called Her Crazy: A Memoir

As a feminist and mental health advocate- this is a hard review to write.

In “Men Have Called Her Crazy,” Anna Marie Tendler dives into her rocky relationships with men, but I found the story to be a bit disconnected. While her anger towards men is extremely intense, it often feels out of place. For someone who claims to hate men, she completely relies on them financially and emotionally. Even after her hospital stay and divorce, she seems to fall into the same patterns, which makes it hard to see any real growth in the memoir. I was also left wondering if her feelings stem more from her past and with her relationships with WOMEN, especially her complicated relationship with her mother, rather than just her experiences with men.

Tendler shares some tough dating stories, but I couldn't help but question what she brought to the table in those relationships. (No there is no excuse for a 30 year old to date a 16 year old — she also justifies this and is only starting to see that something “might” be weird about it... ick). She tends to lean on men for financial support and often jumps ship on careers at the first sign of trouble, which makes it difficult to view her struggles as purely the fault of others. It would have been great to see her take more accountability for her part in these dynamics.

That said, there are definitely relatable moments throughout, especially for white women navigating dating in today's world. Still, I felt like she left out some big pieces of her life—like her marriage/divorce and extremely privileged lifestyle—which made her story feel a bit incomplete. Overall, while she offers some great insights, the book could use a little more self-reflection and nuance about her relationships.

I don't even know where to begin with the eating disorder. Someone noted this as a memoir of someone who is completely unhealed and not ready to be writing these experiences and I feel that.

I was rooting for u Anna Marie but man I just don't know about this. Like I know when her memoir was first announced a lot of people (myself included tbh) were like “oooh she is gonna roast John Mulaneyyyy” but a) she doesn't directly talk about him at all (fine, tasteful even), just a few references to “going through a divorce”) and b) like...if anything before she wrote this I think my understanding was like “ohh JM got too famous and cheated on her with a more famous woman and abandoned his wonderful artist wife and their beloved dog, how could he?!” and now I'm like “man I kinda get it.”

I didn't know too much about her as a person aside from hearing about her in Mulaney's comedy. Like here on GR the description of her book describes her as “popular artist Anna Marie Tendler” and I was like, oh, IS she a popular artist?? And I guess yeah she's a photographer but one of my main takeaways from this is that as much as she has endured bad treatment from men/the patriarchy/SOCIETY...also she has definitely financially benefitted from a series of wealthier boyfriends who supported her art/grad school/etc. Like it doesn't seem like she's ever had a true JOB. And not to channel my inner Puritan or whatever but like she's almost 40 and maybe like...get a job????? sorry babe

The title is so interesting and provocative because I mean it does sound like she has dealt with pretty serious mental illness for most of her life (which like yes could also be something preventing her from getting a job but that's not really a concept being explored in her book). Which it sounds like bad treatment from men has contributed to her state but not fully caused it? And she also specifically had maybe the worst experience with one of her female therapists so it's really not as simple as “men think she's a crazy bitch because she dares to have emotions!”

Like this is sort of a backdoor argument for better social safety nets in the US, I suppose. If we had UBI maybe she could just work on her lampshades and recovery without relying on her boyfriends/husbands' money. But mostly I felt like my sympathy and my feminism were being SORELY tested by this book. I wanted to root for her but I am kind of just like...get a job?????

I think perhaps a better book might have focused more on her time in the hospital and less time on her past boyfriends? Like I had wanted to read more about her because I was like “ok yeah it's not cool to just define her as JM's ex” but it sort of seems like she defines HERSELF as an ex. Which again is sort of you know the PATRIARCHY but if you're going to write a book about it maybe like, go a little deeper??

mostly I think this could have just been for her group chat.

It was a pretty quick read, though, so I did finish it.