I Really Didn't Think This Through

I got this Uncorrected Proof from a coworker who had won it on Goodreads. I follow a bunch of Instagram illustrators, but not Beth Evans (but now I do), and flipping through it I could see her illustrations were included so I gave it a shot. Finished in two days (three reading sessions) and I enjoyed it a lot. As a person with moderate anxiety, I could relate to SO MANY of Beth's stories, including awkward social interactions, saying the wrong thing and internalizing it for days afterwards, being bullied and thinking it was my fault, etc. Its so refreshing to read that other people struggle with the same issues, especially when you don't have many friends with anxiety, or even the same kind of anxiety as you. I work in a high school library, and I am most definitely putting this book in our collection. I think the teens that read this will realize that even adults suffer from anxiety (even if we are better at hiding it) and its okay to feel that way. The ONLY thing that I didn't care for in this book was the formatting. Occasionally, an illustration (or up to three pages of illustrations) would be in between a sentence, so I would have to skip the pages of illustrations to finish the sentence, then flip back to read the illustrations. It wasn't awful, it just felt like I was being interrupted.

‘'Ugh, why do I have feelings? I'm the worst.''

I won't bore you with details on how good Evans' writing is. That's not the point although I can assure you that the way she talks to us is delightful and direct. What I feel is important is her bravery to share experiences that are difficult, bleak, painful with the readers without ‘'mourning'' fate or accusing others, without self-pity or the fake arrogance of many similar memoirs. This is what made me appreciate Beth Evans' book so much.

Beth has been through stages of OCD, depression, anxiety, self-harm. All are issues constantly faced by people of all ages. Issues that continue to grow but thanks to books such as this one, the taboos are steadily broken and no one has the right to say ‘'I didn't know''. Hiding the problem under the carpet according to the dictations of society must become a thing of the past. Evans has no ready answers. She narrates her story and focuses on the conditions that helped her overcome the difficulties at that given moment. She is honest regarding relationships within the family and the social environment and often stresses the fact that there are no miracle solutions. It takes much effort and toil and you're never completely free from your demons but you need to acknowledge the problem, ask help and fight with the support of those who love you. And I feel that this is the most important lesson Beth's experiences can teach us.

The illustrations are delightful and poignant without destructing from the main purpose of the book.

Many thanks to William Morrow Paperbacks and Edelweiss for the ARC in exchange of an honest review.

My reviews can also be found on https://theopinionatedreaderblog.wordpress.com