How to Be a Friend: An Ancient Guide to True Friendship

How to be a Friend by Cicero

About a week after I read this, I was reading an article in the Catholic journal, Communio about the writings of Cardinal Caffaro, who wrote a great deal on family. At one point, the author observes that “He is inspired by St. Augustine, who wrote, “No one can be truly a friend unless he is first a friend of the truth.” If you are acquainted with St. Augustine, you will know that St. Augustine was turned toward philosophy by Cicero's now lost “Hortensius.” If you've read this book you will know that this summarizes Cicero's “How to be a Friend.” [Serveral pages later, the author quotes Cicero's aphorism “familia seminarium societas,” basically, “the family is the foundation of society,” which is another aphorism that summarizes this book.]

Cicero wrote this book as a kind of dialogue. Cicero assumes the identity of Laelius, whose best friend, Scipio Africanus, has recently passed away. His sons-in-law take the opportunity to ask him about his views on friendship. Laelius then provides his relatives with long monologues on various sub-topics of friendship.

One of Laelius's key points is that friendship involves virtue. True friends are friends of the truth because only those people who have virtue can be friends. The excellence of friendship is in the friendship itself, rather than what a person can use the friendship for. That makes friendship, and the friend, the subject of friendship rather than an object. A friend is another self and, so, is the subject of friendship, like we all make ourselves the subject of our lives rather than its object.

I like the “How To” Philosophy series. They are quick and to the point. The introductions are well written and set up the subsequent material.