House That Jack Built

Craig loses a testicle in a mugging (they use a hammer) so buys a rundown gothic mansion called Valhalla with a shady history in order to rediscover his masculinity. It's a bad call as the house contains the psychic vibrations of a heinous individual called Jack, and Jack is going to merge himself into Craig creating a mild version of Satan who wants to come back to life and win a few games of Baccarat by using time travel to cheat. In the end the world is saved by a twig, some herbs and match.

I suppose the main problem here is that even before the Valhalla gets its psychic mitts into Craig, he's such a despicable character I really didn't care about what happened to him. I think it would have worked better if Craig was a nice guy that turned into a horrible man rather than a horrible man turning into an even more horrible man.

The violence is violent, the deaths are gruesome, the sex is cringey, the whole thing is utterly bonkers and one thing is for certain, nobody writes sweat patches like Graham Masterton.