Hey, Hun

as someone who's niche interest is anti multi-level marketing content, I ate all the stories and insides into being in one UP. this book has its flaws, especially at the end but I also didn't come to this book trying to learn new stuff bc I pretty much know most of it already. yeah the virtue signaling was cringe at times and the last chapter made me eye roll at her, but at the end of the day I just wanted some entertaining recounts of being in an mlm and I got it

This review is very long because MLMs are a special interest of mine. Get ready for me to be INSUFFERABLE.

You may be familiar with some MLMs (multi-level-marketing companies), like Amway, LuLaRoe, Young Living, or doTERRA. All these companies offer products, but the main way the company makes money is not by selling products, but by recruiting others...to recruit others...to recruit others, on and on. Many see MLMs as pyramid or ponzi schemes, or even cults. Those in MLMs, predictably, disagree.

MLMs in the United States target women, and especially moms with children still at home. Often these women are lonely, bored, stressed, or some combination. MLMs promise prospective recruits flexibility to make their own hours and spend time at home with family, extra income with little effort, and the empowerment of being your own boss and networking with other ambitious women.

It is easy to join but hard to leave, and harder still to make a profit. Most lose money, and others earn a paltry sum compared to the amount of time put in. Emily Lynn Paulson found a needle in a haystack. She joined an MLM and financially succeeded. Despite this, she left. And now she has written this book about how MLMs are exploitative, racist organizations.

I found a decent amount to like here. Opening a book talking about winning a white Mercedes and then getting a DUI driving it home is an excellent if tragic hook. The introduction also includes several bold claims about MLMs. Paulson says they perpetuate white supremacy. She compares MLMs to religious cults like the Unification Church, alleging that both use the BITE model to prey on vulnerable people.

She says they are anti-feminist despite claiming to promote women's empowerment. She talks about the irony of “girl power” organizations being so flippant about consent. Coercing others to join, refusing to accept that no means no, lashing out when rejected. She says MLMs are socially isolating despite claiming to promote sisterhood. Pushing everyone you know to join often leads to strain and alienation with existing friends and family members. Emily joins to make new friends, but instead experiences jealousy and infighting. Everyone has ulterior motives because their income is tied up in each others' commitment to the cause.

MLMs promise opportunity without sacrificing family time, but Paulson gets so caught up in the noise that she goes from already being a full-time homemaker to paying for a live-in nanny. The more money the MLM gives her, the more money she spends out of pocket to prove how lavishly the MLM lets her live. For years she believes her success (and others' failure) is based on the amount of effort put in, until she stops making an effort and the checks keep coming while her down-line continues to struggle.

Alcohol is served heavily at MLM events, often without any substantial food. When Paulson becomes sober after years of heavy drinking, the MLM trots her out to share her inspirational story of sobriety, while serving abundant alcohol to the listening crowd.

All of this is fascinating and sick and grim and I'm all in. But then every once in a while (and especially at the beginning and end of the book), the author abruptly undercuts her own argument. She includes multiple lengthy disclaimers about not hating MLMs. Maybe she's trying to avoid defamation suits. Maybe she's trying to soften her tone to better reach current members she hopes will step away. I don't know what it is. It's just so strange to say, “This is white supremacist. I use that term because I mean it. But don't get me wrong, I don't hate it.” Very “I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty” coded of her.

Paulson even compares this to drinking. She's been sober for several years and is passionate about addiction and recovery, but does not mind when others buy and drink alcohol around her. But it's not like her sobriety was spurred by realizing drinking is racist? What a strange connection to make in a book detailing how your drinking increased heavily due to the alcohol constantly pushed during MLM events. Events with an open bar but little if any food, to lower inhibitions. Events meant to get people drunk, because drunk prospects are more likely to join the MLM and drunk consultants are more aggressive in their sales tactics: they feel less remorse about pressuring and guilt tripping people who are supposed to be their friends.

Something that was only mentioned in passing but really stuck with me is a section towards the end where Paulson describes a giant divide between her monthly checks and take home pay after taxes. We find out she was living a $400k salary lifestyle but her salary was much lower, about $85k after all was said and done. She lists all these expenses that cut into the funds actually available to her, and she mentions spending $22k on childcare and $36k on her personal assistant. Oh yeah, she also hired a personal assistant on top of the au pair.

Stop right there Emily. You're complaining about earning “only” 85,000 dollars a year in addition to your husband's income, and you're paying someone else $22,000 a year? This better not be the live-in nanny. Context is lacking, so I am trying not to get too mad at hypotheticals my brain invented.

22 and 36 were just jarringly low amounts to throw out alongside “I didn't even make six figures because I bought Hamilton tickets out of pocket when I went to this conference.” I felt a little ill considering those might be the measly salaries she paid those filling in the gaps for her at home. Without context, I don't feel comfortable jumping to conclusions. My point is more that without context, it doesn't sound...great. It reminded me a little too much of Arlie Hochschild's “care drain” literature I read in college.

Speaking of lacking context, I'd love to know more about the “amends” made to Hannah after pressuring that poor woman to open multiple new credit cards without her husband's knowledge. I hope the amends were material, and I don't mean hand-me-down Kate Spade bags.

It's also weird that she claims to have pretty privilege right off the bat, I'm just gonna say it. She should have talked more about her husband's name being literally Kale, instead. I feel like that really encapsulates her privileged perspective.

Paulson warns about black and white thinking, but pairs her own strong accusations with hemming and hawing about what we can do about how MLMs function. To me, this reads as more blasé than nuanced. It gives the impression that she either does not fully believe (or understand, I guess) what she's trying to teach us, or that she does not condemn bigotry definitively. Neither option is ideal.

Those are the main reasons I struggled with Hey, Hun. Still, I did find some of the book interesting and unique. Fans of [b:Cultish|55338982|Cultish The Language of Fanaticism|Amanda Montell|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1603741877l/55338982.SX50.jpg|86301080] and [b:The Cult of We|54998264|The Cult of We WeWork, Adam Neumann, and the Great Startup Delusion|Eliot Brown|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1620708897l/54998264.SY75.jpg|86248795] may enjoy it!

ugh I was excited to read this but it wasn't quite for me. I am interested in MLMs/scams/cults and ofc have been on the receiving end of some “hey hun” messages myself, so I was interested in this. UNFORTCH I think I like...already knew too much. I also kind of felt like the author maybe just learned about white supremacy and white privilege in 2020, which I mean of course better late than never, but the way she talked about race in this book felt really awkward and tacked on and I was like....maybe you are not the best person to address this. I think I might have preferred if it was just a straight-up memoir about her own experiences in an MLM rather than also trying to be an all-encompassing history of MLMs and also of like, race in America? ANd I know...if she hadn't addressed race at all it probably also would have been uncomfortable but ... there must be another way here.

I think this might be of most interest to people who have themselves been in (or are currently in) MLMs, and/or family members trying to understand a loved one's intense MLM situation. And also honestly to Nice White Ladies who are new to the concept of white privilege I guess. (Not to say that I have a perfect understanding or whatever but this is a little 101 for me.)

My main recommendation is just to listen to The Dream podcast.

Tell-all from a former top earner at a MLM (Multi-Level Marketing) beauty product business. Paulson combines her personal story with information from experts about the strategies used by MLMs to entrap and retain women, why so few of the consultants make any money, and the insidious white privilege that is baked into the model. Many well-educated, isolated SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) who are hungry for connection are easy prey for recruitment soundbites that emphasize financial rewards, friendship, and fun.While she worked at Rejuvenat (a pseudonym), Paulson realized she had an alcohol use problem, and her marriage almost ended. More detail about these challenges, as well as the impact of her MLM obsession on her five (!) kids, would have given the book more emotional depth. But apparently you have to read her earlier book, [b:Highlight Real: Finding Honesty & Recovery Beyond the Filtered Life 51829064 Highlight Real Finding Honesty & Recovery Beyond the Filtered Life Emily Lynn Paulson https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1565805443l/51829064.SX50_SY75.jpg 72921168] for that part of the story. Still, Hey, Hun is an interesting insider view of the lies you have to accept and tell yourself to make it in the MLM #bossbabe world.