Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook

So, this is quite literally food porn. No, I'm not exaggerating. No, I don't mean in the colloquial sense. I mean this is literally bdsm erotica about a man and his whole, raw chicken which he cooks in elaborate ways.

Also, the chicken is sentient and somehow immortal - able to be cooked many different ways in different sessions. No, it doesn't make sense. It isn't supposed to. But I dare say it makes more sense than what I've experienced of the Fifty Shades franchise, which this parodies.

And by parodies, I mean mimics with startling similarity which produces slightly more cringing than laughing.

???You can crisp me any time,??? I purr.

???How about a little honey and spice???? he asks suggestively.

I can???t help but cluck derisively. His spice thing is out of control. I know I???m pushing it, as my inner goddess pokes her head out of her golden henhouse.

???You didn???t just cluck, did you????

???Oh no,??? I answer quickly.

???I???m going to drizzle this on you,??? he says.

???You really know how to warm a chick up.??? I pause before adding, ???Chef.???

Pretty far

a cookbook

He smiles proudly. ???This, Miss Hen, is your new in-chamber vacuum sealer.???

Sealer? ???I like the packaging I came in,??? I say weakly.

???That plastic sack,??? he says with distaste, ???is an amoeba playground. It???s not safe. I???ve disposed of it. This machine has an anaerobic gas flush that will protect you and keep you from spoiling.???

food erotica version of Fifty Shades