Edenville

This gruesome and occasionally snarky cosmic horror has great use of language and terrific world-building, but here's why Edenville misses the mark.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Fatal flaw: insufficiently motivated character

Quinn doesn't like Cam, her boyfriend. He's an insufferably self-absorbed writer who's only written one thing.

Quinn doesn't like Renfield County. Something bad happened to her friend there, and the area has a bad reputation.

Therefore, when Cam is offered a residency at Edenville, a college in Renfield, Quinn goes with him because her mother criticizes her taste in men. This is where our trouble begins.

The excuse about her mother's disapproval is mentioned once at the beginning, but it's never established why her mother's opinion matters. She never talks to her mother, never sees her, and never talks about seeing her. We do get plenty of interaction with Cam and with the setting of Renfield. Both are always hostile and/or uncomfortable, leaving the reader wondering why she stays.

Due to Quinn's reluctance to live in Renfield, the couple devises a "veto" word that either of them can say upon encountering too much creepy shit. Then they have to leave. Though constantly aware of this mechanism as she encounters creepy shit, Quinn doesn't invoke the veto word until halfway or more into the story. Then Cam ignores it. In short, the whole "veto word" thing adds nothing to the story other than another constant reminder that Quinn doesn't want to be there. Unfortunately, this also reminds us that she doesn't have sufficient motivation to remain in the story

The most wayward misstep with Quinn is her awareness of horror as a genre and her place in it. She accuses Cam of being a cliche dumb horror movie skeptic who ignores the obvious signs of danger. However, she herself is a cliche horror character: the aimless, unmotivated muck-about who reveals world building for no obvious reason. Perhaps her lack of self-awareness is intended to be ironic and satirical. Unfortunately, without transcending the flaws she's lampooning, Quinn fails to be more than the mediocrity she reflects.

Edenville had all the pieces it needed to be a complete and compelling story, but it left them scattered to be visited in incoherent and fleeting glances. The author is skilled enough that my interest is already piqued for what Rebelein makes next. Until then, Edenville shows us why an ambiguously motivated character undermines story by breaking immersion with the ever-present question of: "but why?"