Deposing Nathan

It's a good read but I feel like I would've enjoyed it more if I wasn't a desensitized Asian.

Do you ever finish a book that you ended up loving so much that you have a physical reaction to it? Like, you put the book down and feel your heart swell, stomach drop, and stare at the wall unsure of how to proceed with the evening? That was this my experience with Deposing Nathan.

I don't know where to begin with this book. It's been a long time since I've felt this way about a young adult novel and I am blown away by how good it was. To say this was a quick read is an understatement. With

A hard hitting YA that probably hits closer to home for more youth than not considering the “average” kid life. Being in unstable homes and or getting involved with various crimes and having to know how to handle it especially when friendships are tangled up in it too. A good novel to have around especially for youth.

This is a really hard read in that it's visceral and real, with a lot of shocking moments and a twist at the end that I didn't see coming (though it's obvious in hindsight).
It's from the POV of a Catholic school boy (Nathan) who is befriended by a new student (Cam) that very literally changes his world - from his views of religion, sexuality, and life itself. It starts after the end with Nathan giving a deposition to a lawyer about his life since he met Cam in class until the event that landed Cam possibly going to prison. While Nathan gives off the fa??ade (that he himself seems to believe) of a perfect Catholic boy, what's behind it is a lot of family issues, abuse, and confusion that takes the reader on one hell of a dramatic rollercoaster. You want to reach in and really help Nathan out while also shaking some sense into him, because his life is trash and he just takes it because that's “just how it is.”
The only issues I had is that these are younger high school boys and some of the dialogue is definitely not within that age group's purview, even those well educated. Also, the ending isn't quite satisfying but then it's also more realistic, because there aren't happy endings in real life and that adds to the realism of the narrative. Overall, a really good read.

I found this to be a fresh take (if not a bit distressing) on the coming-out story. I thought elements of religion, friendship, sexuality, and high school relationships were tackled with grace and good writing.

I have only just read the last page of Deposing Nathan, and I am already writing this review. If you know anything about my reviewing style, you'll know that's a rare occurrence. However this book affected me so deeply, and I have so many things flying through my head, that I have to write them down. It's necessary. So if half of this review descends into a babbling, incoherent mess just know that's because those are my exact emotions at this point. This book was raw. It was beautiful. It was devastating. I'm an exhausted, emotional mess, and I'm not even upset about it.

The way that this book unabashedly explores so many moral quandaries that most YA generally tends to avoid, is what really hooked me in. From the beginning, this is a story that isn't afraid to talk about the big things. See, Nate was raised in a family that is very religious. His relationship with God is one in which he strongly believes that anything outside of what the church teaches will lead him on the wrong path. To his aunt and his father, Nate is a good boy. He attends church regularly, gets good grades, has the perfect girlfriend, and is pretty much your all around average teen. There isn't anything else he wants in his life. Until, that is, he meets Cam.

As I watched these two meet for the first time, and their relationship started to evolve, I was helpless to look away. Smedley hasn't just created flat characters in Nate and Cam. Oh, no. These two are probably the most introspective teens that I have ever met in my life. They know that they have flaws. They acknowledge them, and mull through them, and fight all the battles inside that we've all been through at some point right there on the page. Some of Nate's thoughts, especially once he suspects that he might have actual feelings for Cam, are brutal. When his aunt reacts to his new feelings with anger, and eventually descends into physical violence to keep them apart, you'd be hard pressed not to want to gather this boy into your arms and hug him until it stops hurting. I cried, friends. I bawled. I'm not going to lie to you. There is nothing on these pages to stand between Nate and Cam's emotions, and yours. Yet, I wouldn't have it any other way.

There are simply perfect moments in this book. Snapshots full of smiles and love. Snapshots of confusion and anger. It's like watching someone grow up right in front of you, with all the messiness that brings. Then, just when I thought that this book couldn't possibly impress me any further, the ending elegantly tackled the idea of toxic relationships in a way that made me start to sob all over again. We live in this book filled world of happy endings, and perfectly tied bows. Unfortunately, as we all well know, that's not normally how life works. The ending of this book was perfection, because it wraps things up in a way that feels realistic. The last few paragraphs of this book will get you, and you'll be thinking about them for hours afterwards. Trust me on this.

When I started this review, I was so concerned about being able to fairly portray to you how impressive and important this book is. I'm tearing up thinking about my journey, and how essential this book will be for so many people. Zack Smedley has written something special. This is a book about self acceptance, and self worth. It's a book about the relationship between strict religious upbringing and self discovery. It's a story about family, love, and growing up. This story is big, and brave, and brings such an important voice to the current YA space.

I'll leave you with a quote, because I don't know what else to say. Well, no actually, I'll end by saying that I recommend this book with every single last fiber of my being. Please, read this.

“If you think you have to earn enough points on someone's rubric for them to accept you, then either you're wrong to assume they won't love you for who you are, or they never loved you in the first place.”

~Check out all my reviews over on The Bent Bookworm!~ I'm giving this book five stars, even though I only read the first 10% and the last 10-15%. It was extremely painful to read, and Nathan's aunt's character reminded me so much of my mother. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian cult (much more repressive than even Aunt Lori's beliefs seem to be, from what part of the book I read) and even what little I read brought back some really bad memories.After reading the ending, though, this is a story that needs to be told AND it needs to be read. I fully intend to finish the entire book at some point. It does, I think, need some serious content/trigger warnings though.Blog Twitter Bloglovin Instagram