Big Fat Disaster

3.5 stars

What an emotional book. This is a book that can be so difficult to read because of the content. Those with a sensitive heart maybe not be able to get through this one, or at least not without crying. The emotional abuse from Colby's mother is not really addressed, but it is something that should be brought up in discussion as well, but I understand why it wasn't mentioned much because of all that was going on in Colby's life.

I found the characters to be quite one dimensional. Everyone has their role to play in this novel, so while they may have different personalities, everyone almost feels like game NPCs (non player characters). They move the story forward to get the main character where they need to go.  

While I found the plot to be well written and flushed out, to me, some of the writing or sections of the book seemed awkward. Now, I'm pretty sure this is intentional, as a way to make the reader feel the emotions of the main character. The writing was very well done, bringing the reader in Colby's position and understanding her position. I thought the scenes flowed decently well. 

The tone is very bleak and as I mentioned before, this book can be difficult to read. There were times I cried while reading or even skipped a paragraph or so because I knew I didn't want to be a part of the conversation/ situation that was about to go down. 

I have issues with food. I don't talk about them often - or ever, really. But they lurk under the surface, and even when I'm working really really hard to overcome them and build healthy habits they can derail me. Today was one of those days. And today was the day I read about Colby.

I didn't expect her story to end up the way it did, but it didn't surprise me. I did spend a bit of time thinking that there's no way anyone's mom would ever treat their daughter the way Colby's mom treated her... but yes they do. And even without her mom as a motivating factor, everything else Colby was dealing with would have been enough to trigger the depression and self-loathing.

I have a mom who loves me very much and I still struggle (at 31) with self-loathing. There are times I self-medicate with food. There have been many days where I didn't want to be on this earth anymore because the pain I felt inside was so bad.

When I read Colby's story, I felt very connected to her.

At the end, the author reveals that she's struggled with binge eating and knows exactly what kinds of emotions can come with it.

Big Fat Disaster wasn't easy to read, but I'm glad I did. It was authentic, painful, yet still uplifting. Though I'll warn you - most of the characters are unlikable and have zero redeeming qualities.

If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts of self-harm, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.