Before I Let Go

Spoilers/thoughts: This book is a 5 stars for Yas but everyone else kinda of pissed me off. I also don't consider this a romance book and it's being marketed as one 😵‍💫. This is a story of growth for Yas. And i love her. Best fmc Kennedy Ryan has written this far. 

There were some things that didn't resonate with me, that felt weird and unnecessary. However, i rarely ever feel the angst between characters and it was present here. I teared up a bit and that alone deserved a star from me.

Some things I enjoyed/liked:

- how the fmc learned to pick herself up after downfall
- the writing
- the fact that there was not much complication in the third act
- thank GOD no pregnancy trope

What i didnt particularly enjoy:

- how josiah got to move on first even though he was reluctant to divorce. Im trying not to think too much about it but like, josiah slept with someone else while yasmen couldnt even date
- how despite therapy josiah couldnt accept that yasmen's reaction or asking for a divorce wasnt as terrible as he made it out to be
- how he downplayed deja's reactions to yasmen when she brought it up calling her senstive

It was a different kind of romance, i liked it and so 4 stars remain.

I absolutely loved it and immediately became one of my favourite reads of the year. This is a story about a couple that despite believing they were meant to be forever, lost themselves in grief.

This is mostly a story about real life, family, healing, forgiveness (of others and ourselves) and second chances. About getting support to move forward, fighting for what we want and finding our new selves again.

It was very raw and it felt real. An emotional read that I can't recommend enough.

T.W - Death of family members (off page), still birth.

I wish I could have enjoyed “Before I Let Go” by Kennedy Ryan more than I did because there is a lot to like in it: Yasmen and Josiah Wade are divorced after suffering devastating losses and finding out they’re incompatible in their respective grieving. Nevertheless, they run a successful restaurant together and do their best at co-parenting. So far, so good.

Told in dual points of view, from both Yasmen’s and Josiah’s perspectives, the novel—very obviously a second chance romance—tells the story of how both grow and, ultimately, find their way back together.

In terms of writing, I have absolutely no complaints: Ryan's prose is confident and elegant. Depending on the perspective and context, she succeeds in striking the right tone: sometimes clear and straightforward, sometimes light and playful, sometimes metaphorical and powerful.

»That kind of depression is blunter than sadness. Sharper than misery. It is the impenetrable dark of midnight deepened with the blackest strokes of blue—a bruise on your spirit that seems like it will never fade. Until one day…it finally does. With the help of the woman on-screen, it did.«

Having grappled with depression myself for most of my life, I have a sliver of comprehension (because depression is different for everyone) both intellectually and emotionally about what Ryan addresses. I very much appreciate the raw honesty with which this complex topic is approached here. Ryan writes sensitively, empathetically, and honestly about it. A central point is the willingness—despite initial scepticism—to seek professional help and go to therapy.

The importance of seeking and getting professional help cannot be overstated and not repeated often-enough.

»It is not an exaggeration to say Dr. Abrams—with her always-on-point silk-pressed hair, fashionable blouses and pencil skirts, and watching, wise eyes—changed my life. I trust her implicitly, and she has taught me more about trusting myself.«

All those years ago, I was hesitant. Therapy? For me? What’s that supposed to do? And isn’t that conceding failure? No, it isn’t. I was anxious about it at first, too, and when I took up therapy again a few years ago, I was anxious again—despite knowing better. Today, I’m better in every single department of my life—and YOU could be, too! (And I don’t mind communicating about it so if you “need an ear”, feel free to contact me.)

I really liked Yasmen because despite her losses and resulting grief (which I cannot even start to comprehend), she is still around. When she finally knows what she wants, she finds her authentic voice and communicates admirably.

Josiah on the other hand is very much in avoidance, in denial, and self-chosen isolation. I understand he’s afraid of loss and almost mortally afraid of opening those “boxes” in his mind he uses to compartmentalise. I had a hard time enjoying his rather quick change from rough and blunt “alpha male” to “can you see me at almost no notice?” person in therapy.

I also found out I don’t like “second chance” scenarios: Both Yasmen and Josiah try to move on despite still feeling very strongly about each other. Their respective love interests felt like “stuffing material” and, for me, didn’t add much to the story but instead distracted from it. This is me and not the novel but I strongly disliked both of them.

I still feel strongly conflicted about the way Ryan spells out everything in detail: I often found myself wishing she would have just let some observations stand on their own (which they easily could have) without spelling their significance out. On the other hand, when I just went looking for an example, I found myself conflicted again and failed at choosing because perhaps it is, in fact, necessary.

I liked Yasmen’s and Josiah’s children Kassim and Deja (and, as a father myself, found them depicted convincingly), and, surprisingly for me, they really added to the story and made the entire novel more convincing and authentic.

There are a few minor niggles I must not fail to mention because they round out the picture: Yasmen’s original wedding ring is described as a “simple gold band and chip diamond ring”—modest, humble, and perfect. The new ring is a “large square-cut diamond on a thick platinum band”. The kids go to an expensive private school and one of them is only reluctantly permitted to enrol in a public school. And yet, Ryan makes Josiah say this:

»“Rich guys, Yas. Privileged men used to getting what they want whenever they want all the time.”

“Some might argue, considering the car you drive, the neighborhood you live in, the clothes you wear, and the cash you drop on sneakers without blinking, that you’re a rich guy yourself.”«

This results in cognitive dissonance because it feels like the author is trying to have it both ways—critiquing wealth and privilege while the characters themselves appear to be privileged. It feels like it's undermining the authenticity of the story.

Despite it all, “Before I Let Go” remains an engaging and worthwhile read. It’s just not a story or scenario I’m enjoying very much. Your mileage may vary.

Three stars out of five.

Ceterum censeo Putin esse delendam

Live, love, love this!! Ms. Kennedy Ryan you’re now one of my favorite authors!!

One of the best books I've read in a while

The characters are breathing people. It's like being a fly on the wall that just so happens to get an inside peek at the thoughts and feelings of the people involved. In a book with so much trauma, this isn't a trauma story. It really is a love story and overcoming of so many traumatic things. I cried, laughed, and blushed in all the right places with the amazing pacing that seemed effortlessly to guide you through the scenes.

I hope Hendricks gets a happily after that's as beautiful as this one was. I hope Soledad gets better than her excuse for a partner.

Trigger Warnings
-Grief or loss of a child & loved one (while not happening on the page, it is referenced and relived from different angles)
-Mentions and Hints of Self Check-Out
-Semi Rebound Dating
-Teenage Rebuttles

There could be others, but these are the only ones that came to mind for me that might make me not read something... that being said, if you are willing to look at the book, it handles all of these amazingly. So far, it's been my favorite book I've read this year. I can't wait to read what else the author has.

4 Stars

Second Chance done in a way I hadn't read before. I loved it. I liked getting duel perspectives, the reconnecting, the processing there grief, and the positive therapy talk. I cried with the mother daughter bonding scene.

kennedy knows how to touch my heart everytime and yl i love a second chance romance  

I feel like this is the perfect book to be my 100th post! 

I was holding off reading this book for NO REASON AT ALL. I tell myself I'm not that into Romance and I've been side eying it at the library refusing to give in. This “not that into romance” is of course a bold face lie as my most read genre this year is romance 🌝

Before I Let Go is such a beautiful book on loss, grieving, and second chance love. I quite literally have the biggest smile plastered on my face writing this. Ugh I'm now the biggest fan of Kennedy Ryan. I'm gonna get on my zoom and catch up on all her books 😩

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4.5 ⭐ rounded up. Honestly the main reason for that is the super tropey ending(ish) and just how things played out after. Up until then it was so emotional and nuanced. The ending could have been part of any romance novel

This book was so beautiful, but stressful.

I love second chance romances with married couples.

This story just hit different. I love this author so much, and this story was chefs kiss.

This book had me in a chokehold of emotions. The talk about therapy was so spot on that I am starting to look into getting myself in therapy. This book remanded me of how I felt when I went with my pregnancy. How hard it was and I kept everything inside me. Not letting anyone else in my emotions and hurt. But to know that I have a family who saw me and knew how to make me feel love and seen. Thank you so much Kennedy Ryan for writing this amazing book for us to enjoy.

4.5

CW: stillbirth, depression, suicidal thoughts

3.5 stars, rounded down. Well-written second-chance romance about Yasmen and Josiah, whose marriage ended after incompatibly different responses to several devastating losses. Ryan does a great job of portraying Yasmen's journey from deepest depression to recovery, foregrounding therapy and psychotropic medication in a way that is not usually seen in this genre. Josiah's aversion to therapy and hyper focus on his job also rings true. Their determination to co-parent their two children with as little conflict as possible is admirable.

Unfortunately the novel is also way too long and drawn out, with endless pages of repetitive mental lusting on both sides. The MCs finally start to open up and talk to each other towards the last quarter of the book but until then their lack of communication causes several annoying Big Misunderstandings. I felt like Yasmen and Josiah fought for and earned their HEA, but I would have preferred less of a focus on the physical part of their relationship and more on the emotional dynamics. YMMV if you like your romance hot and spicy.