Autism in Heels

People on the Autism spectrum are not homogeneous, yet so much of Jenifer Cook O'Toole's story rang true for me. For many women born before 1990, we were never diagnosed or even considered for a diagnosis until we had children who are on the spectrum and saw ourselves in them. Life has been a struggle of always feeling weird or somehow left out until the light of diagnosis showed us that we are not flawed, just different, and Autism in Heels does a great job explaining what undiagnosed life was like. Audiobook was great as I got to hear Jennifer's voice tell her own story, but I'm sure the printed editions are just as good. Recommended for any woman who is or might be on the spectrum, or anyone who knows or loves one.

I try to be very mindful when reviewing books on autism, or other #ownvoices books that I'm not part of the demographic. They're very important books for people who are not of that demographic to read - that's how we learn about each other - but we get into iffy territory when reviewing them. It can be problematic to be critical when you're not the target audience. For Autism in Heels I don't have that problem, because this is a really good book! I'm sure autistic people will still get more out of it that I did, and female autistics even more. But there were paragraphs that definitely reminded me of my husband, and we had several good conversations inspired by this book. (“What makes a good friend?” being one of the more interesting ones.)

Jenny tells an engrossing story of her life; interwoven with facts and anecdotes about female autistics in general were specific examples from her life, and both problems she'd faced because she was autistic, and problems everyone faces that were particularly problematic for her as an autistic. Much like my husband, she comes at stories sideways, giving several details and tangents before getting to the point that ties them all together. That's much easier to deal with in print; I often have to stop my husband, specifically ask him where he's going with his story, and then let him get back to all the surrounding details. Knowing that he DOES THAT lets us deal with it in a manner that is less frustrating for both of us. (I get frustrated because I can't hold all the loose ends in my head without knowing how they connect, so once he gets to his point, I often have to make him repeat some of the earlier parts, and he gets frustrated because I can't follow his train of thought.) In text form, I can skim forward when I need to and come back to the earlier tangents. I suspect she also had an excellent editor, because that only gets confusing a few times. (Or she did it herself in revisions. Either way, it's far less confusing than a lot of conversations I've had with my husband!)

She does talk about some pretty intense domestic abuse from her college boyfriend near the end of the book, and then segues into eating disorders, so be aware of that. Those are both things that autistic women are particularly vulnerable to, and they definitely deserve a place in the book, but they can be difficult to read about, and my heart broke for college-Jennifer.

This is a great memoir of an amazing woman. I might need to look up her other books, even if they are targeted towards teens.

You can find all my reviews at Goddess in the Stacks.

Thank you so much for writing this book. It speaks to me because I'm considered not autistic enough. I get told that I'm not autistic because I am perceived as smart and partially because I am a queer woman of color. It's vital to have female representation of autism and how girls and women tend to mask their autistic traits to fit in girl world and societal norms.

I was initially drawn in by the cover and the bright red high heels and the story reeled me in. I can relate to the struggles of being a woman on the autistic spectrum and how autism tends to look different in women than men.