Asunder

screaming crying throwing up. i can't wait to reread this again after publication. 

A quote that stays with me (among so many - my book is highlighted to death - holding myself back from listing every beautiful quote is agonizing):

“Thank you for carrying me out of the dark,” he whispered.

tldr tldr (the shortest review): Reading this book felt like someone ripped out my heart, tenderly peeled it like an orange, and then lovingly fed the pieces back to me while looking deep into my eyes. Where’s my life alert necklace?

tldr (the medium length review): I have been trying to write a review for this book for the last two weeks, and I’ve scrapped every iteration because they just keep getting too long. There are just too many things to fit into a concise review that actually covers everything I want to cover. It feels a little like trying to talk to someone about an amazing dream or nightmare that you’ve had - it’s super interesting to you, but how can I articulately convey, like an adult, that this book gave me big feelings? It's tender, it's hopeful, it's devastating, it's romantic, it's dark, it's lovely. I know other reviewers mention that the beginning might feel slow - I just want to reiterate that this is a book that's really worth reading to the end to experience the complete emotional journey. If you reach the last page and think “eh” you can skip the sequel, yeah?

Now, the much longer (but still shorter than my first attempts) messy bullet points, spoiler tagged just in case (I've read the book twice now and am not sure which of these might be too specific? Spoilery? There's no real story spoilers in here, I think - just erring on the side of caution):

• If you like flawed main characters that aren’t immediately likable but become dear to you by the end of the book, there’s a character for you in this book. Bonus points if you like characters whose hardened exterior isn’t armor made of metal or chitin or scales, but layers and layers of that person’s own callouses and scar tissue.
• If you like respectful, kind, thoughtful characters that also have a a scary protective or ruthless layer, there is a Character in this Book for You.
• If you like the idea of a really…fresh new world that seems to straddle the line between fantasy, scifi, horror, and a little bit of…steampunk? Almost? you should read this book. The world building is great and the magic system feels NEW, but also - it doesn’t feel SO foreign that you find yourself floundering through the whole book wondering what the hell is going on. The settings, the magic, the world - it feels very rich.
• If you like beautiful writing that isn’t so beautiful and dense that it becomes impossible to read, this is it! This is the one! Read it!!
• If you aren’t into love triangles/squares/polygons-of-some-shape, and live more by the “por que no los dos” ethos - congratulations! I know who the “main” pairing of this book is, but honestly - everyone seems kind of into each other in a whole variety of ways (physically! emotionally! romantically! queer platonic! ambiguously tenderly!)
• If you have mixed feelings about love at first sight, can I offer you: Desperate, breathless relief at first sight?
• Mirrored dialogue at different points of the story - ugh, so good.
• If you like slow burn romance, you’ll probably like this book.
• If you squint, there’s a bit of a grumpy/sunshine dynamic here, but with more ~*~nuance~*~
• You know those couples that finish each other’s sentences and just seem to exist in a perfectly symbiotic relationship that goes beyond physical attraction or romance? I’m not saying we get all the way there quite yet, but it turns out sharing a body is like the ultimate bonding experience.
• If you love complicated and deep friendships, you’ll probably like this book.
• If you love relationships where characters grow to know and need each other (to the point where everyone’s fighting to die for each other like my extended family fighting over a dinner receipt), you’ll love this book.
• No, seriously. It’s so…tender. Reading this book left me with this…ache. Finishing this book, even the second time, knowing everything,left me feeling like I’d been running uphill for five minutes.
• If you like hyper competent, nerdy academics with hearts of gold (UNLESS SCIENCE - but even then!), there’s a character in this book that you’ll love. Also pigeons.
• If you like broad shouldered red headed ladies that could break you in half and scowl a whole lot, there’s a character in this book that you’ll love.
• If you like hardened crime lords with a soft spot for the main character, there’s a character in this book that you’ll love.
• If you like scary monsters, there are several described and interacted with in this book!
• Er, and if you like like scary monsters, I mean - there’s at least one super scary monster nightmare that croons and is weirdly…tender, while still being totally alien and terrifying.
• If you loved that ottoman dog from Beauty and the Beast - look, just read the book. This book has everything. It’s incredible. I can’t compliment it enough.
• Oh, bonus!: If you like characters that are queer but it isn’t a defining trait or the basis for an Extremely Angsty Subplot and Death, you’ll love this book too!

Comparisons to other stories (books/movies):

• If you loved Sabriel by Garth Nix, this book - well, it’s not the same, but it explores some of the same themes - death, grief, loss, hope, love, friendship, family. Even though it’s different, it just shares a vibe, you know?
• If you loved Mako and Raleigh’s dynamic in Pacific Rim but felt like Mako could have bullied Raleigh a little more, you might like Asunder. I think the main characters are pretty clearly drift compatible.
• Did you love Jokaste from Captive Prince, but were like “I wish she was using her powers for good”? There’s a character you should meet in Asunder!
• If you loved Harrow from Gideon the Ninth, you’ll probably love the shit out of Karys. Prickly.