And Then She Fell

This is a strong, bold, scary look at mental illness, isolation, indigenous culture, and the struggles of motherhood. Objectively, it is a very well written book.

Subjectively, this was not the book for me.

A evocative tale reflecting on reality vs unreality- culture and mental health, the internal and external worlds. A Native American woman deals with life after leaving her community to live with a white husband who doesn't understand her perspective or her struggle whilst she battles postpartum depression and the loss of her mother. Magical realism meets magic meets reality, honestly I adored this. 

This one was tough for me to get through. The first half is a slog, it's a repetitive, directionless, process. What process? Well of the main characters struggle with mental illness after the birth of her daughter. The main chunk of this book is all leading to the dinner party where the main character loses her grip on reality entirely and spirals out of control unable to separate reality for her hallucinations.

To me, this is another case of aiming too high. The idea of motifs associated with racism and sexism influencing this woman's descent into a post-partum paranoid breakdown is interesting, it's good, but I see two flaws with the execution; 1. Her husband 2. She is actually not that insane because in the second portion of the book we find out she is actually communicating with spirits??? (well one spirit)

My issues with her husband are complicated. Right away you suspect how the relationship will play out. As a matter of fact Disney's Pocahontas tells you! Which I see as an attempt to create tension, the reader wonders “well how is her husband another John? how does he ruin her life?” The exact way you'd expect he would. All the parts with the husband are incredibly dull, the few attempts to make the relationship dynamic compelling drag. Of course they aren't meant to be a romantic couple filled with passion, the issue is that the relationship only exists to show the main characters lack of direction and self respect.

The effect the husband has on the story can easily be achieved if the husband was not involved in their daughter's life. He exists only so that things “happen” to our main character, every plot point derives from the husband. This woman does NOTHING the entire story. One could say this is supposed to reflect one of the overall themes of the book but it's simply boring to read about a character who doesnt do anything and whines for an entire book.

Pocahontas is also a MAJOR dropped ball. The link that these women have in the story is the most alluring aspect of the book but it's not thoroughly explored. “Grandma was crazy everyone thought grandma was crazy and they'll think I'm crazy” the one thing I was looking forward to was the “do you remember Pocahontas not saying the right words?” and it didn't happen? She was used rather lazily as a reference to stereotypes and misrepresentation, I think the author could have used the Disney Pocahontas to do some funny and clever writing but it didn't pan out that way.

Messy messy book that I wanted to like.

Of note that I preferred the second narrative to the first, and found it much easier to digest.

I just finished And then she fell by Alicia Elliott and here are my thoughts.

Alice portrays the image she wants the world to see. Devoted mother, loving wife living in a nice neighborhood in Toronto. Her husband Steve is supportive but the loss of her mother has sent her spiraling. It doens't help that she can't connect with her own daughter and just feels like an imposter. An indigenous woman living a white lady's life.

Everywhere she turns, she feels self doubt seeping in and when she starts hearing voices and seeing things that aren't there, she feels she needs to write the stories of her people like her life depends on it.

It was an interesting way to narrate a book. The author took the characters state of mind and built a narrative that got more and more jumbled as the book went on. It was clever and slightly annoying at the same time. The one thing that didn't sit so well with me is the fact that Alice seemed to see racism everywhere. Anything anyone said or did, to her, had racial undertones. My husband's family is from cape mudge and I have part indigenous children and I don't know why, but it rubbed me up the wrong way. I know her mental health was on a serious decline but it didn't sit well with me. I know everyone's experiences are valid but it felt forced to me.

I also wasn't a huge fan of the tone to the book. Alice was blowing up her own life a lot and only her POV made it hard to connect with other people in any tangible way. Having said that, this book did hit home for me about how fragile our mental health truly is and the author did a stellar job of highlighting it in a serious and well researched manner. It was a little dark and on occasion humorous but all in all the pace was decent and I did find the end to be the best part of the whole book.

The book dug deep into Alice's psyche and the adaptations a person has to make in order to feel accepted. It was a clever construction and did have me thinking hard after I was done. I feel like this book made me hate it and love it. That doesn't usually happen to me.

3.75 stars

Thank you @netgalley and @penguinrandomca for my gifted copy