A Little Life

jesus. christ. where do i even begin with this book?

i want to start by saying a book has never before made me cry this much. i don't consider myself to be much of a book crier unless it's my absolute favorite series or something. but goddamn this was really something else.

this book is very much a study of trauma, yes, but it talks about so many other things. chronic illness, addiction, success, fame, failure, found families. there is so much inside of this book and it doesn't all flow perfectly but that's because this book truly does not feel like a story, it feels like real life, where things are imperfect and often out of order and irrational.

i've never read about a set of characters that feel more real. there were many times i had to remind myself that these were things that were fictional because of how raw and honest and unflinchingly the story was told it felt it could only be real life.

the way that trauma is discussed in this novel is truly unlike anything i have ever read. it shows the harsh reality that so many things never really leave us. we often like to think of survivors as these individuals who can confidently tell their stories and inspire others and are perfect people afterwards, but this book shows the true reality of the shame, resentment, anger, and self-hatred of trauma. and while it is truly one of the best things to hear when a person can come to terms with themselves and talk openly about the things they've been through, some people never get to that point, and that is an equally important side of trauma to discuss.

it never tries to make jude, or any of the characters, into something they're not. they behave as real people do; imperfectly and flawed. they hurt each other and they lash out when they shouldn't but that's what makes this story so impactful. how real and genuine every character's actions and feelings are portrayed make this so good and why it means so much. i often found myself forgetting i was reading and just feeling like i was another one of jude's friends, watching his life unfold and desperate to try and make him see how beautiful he is but never able to.

i could honestly go on and on about how incredible this book was, i think the last thing i'll say is that, while this is one of the saddest things i have ever read, it has also touched me the most and i know this is a story i will carry with me forever.