Gopika

To my knowledge, there has been a resounding absence of non-Western books on polyamory — or there was, until Arundhati's book was released — which will hopefully be the first among many written in this area. Arundhati's book is stunning in the breadth it covers: the political origins of monogamy, communities that have practiced polyamory, what polyamory is and isn't, myths about polyamorous, red flags you should watch out for, the different ways of practicing polyamory, definitions of polyamorous terms, tips for those embarking on a polyamorous journey, how mental health practitioners approach polyamory, and how Indian law interacts with polyamory — are just some of the many topics she explores. It is hard for a book to cover all of this, let alone talks about the permutations of multiple ways of doing polyamory with nuance, but Arundhati accomplishes this.


Something I found endearing was that, despite the expansiveness of the book, she speaks with self-awareness about her own limitations — what she wasn't able to cover or represent — and makes it abundantly clear that she does not see polyamory as superior to monogamy, but rather as another way of loving. Arundhati also does not shy away from drawing attention to the ways her own privilege enabled her to write this book, nor from talking about the political landscape of this country.

What makes the book not just a theoretical treatise but a breathing, vivid work is the way it is layered with personal anecdotes of her own experiences and struggles, interviews with a range of people about how they love and their perspectives on love, peppered with Bollywood song lyrics about love and longing, and analogies drawn from the sea. Many of the people interviewed in the book are in the closet, and through this book, Arundhati has given voice to these narratives.

Adding an except here from the book:

“When in my early twenties, I first heard Ghalib's ‘Hazaron Khwahishein Aisi' in Jagjit Singh's rendition for the TV serial Ghalib, I was astounded! The lyrics went:

Hazaron khvahishen aisi ki har khvahish pe dam nikle Bahut nikle mere arman lekin phir bhi kam nikle

(A thousand desires such as these, each worth dying for So many of them have been expressed, yet there are more to come)

I still remember the profound impact these words had on me. Something rested at the pit of my stomach. I finally felt understood. Each of my loves was just as strong and deep as the other. And all of them true. Just like the poet said. These words, since then, have been at the heart of my practice of polyamory.”