alyssa
[3.4~3.5] rather than your run-of-the-mill romance, this is a life story in the mid 1980s about two men living in Chicago whose spheres occasionally collide as they maneuver through the trials and tribulations of family, self-discovery, and living one's truth.
only the author knows to what extent scenes from this “semi-memoir” are derived from his personal experience, but the story captures the anxieties and emotions of gay men on multiple fronts, such as living in the midst of the AIDS epidemic. i could feel the roots originated in a very personal place. thankfully there is an HEA reserved for the very end of the story paired with a worthwhile epilogue, but i know the arduous path to that point won't be for everyone.
as for the audiobook, what an interesting experience! i've never encountered one with this much post-production editing brought into play, including bg sounds to set the ambience, echoing voice effects to denote inner thoughts, etc.
now could it have been applied with a lighter touch? definitely. there was one distinct bg sound set on loop - i believe in the bar? - where some person was making some kind of indecipherable commotion, and i found myself more intrigued by what was happening out of the spotlight
you may have just done a double take and are now asking, “but Alyssa, i thought your Gregory Ashe journey was over until his upcoming January release?”
i thought so too.
but then thanksgiving came, and i found myself in a food coma as one does after consuming more than a person should ever consume in a single sitting, and my hands reached for my phone to take decisive action. i dug as far back as i could go into his backlist and unearthed his oldest series still up for sale.
this is the first book of said series, and its publication date is November 18, 2011.
you read that right: TWENTY FLIPPIN' ELEVEN. borrowing the words of John Milton, “How soon hath Time, the subtle thief of youth, / Stol'n on his wing my three-and-twentieth year these past 11 years!”
[3.4~3.5] i did it.the last book unread from Gregory Ashe's entire backlist, now conquered.ultra dramatic sigh as though GA isn't a literal printer with new books waiting for us right around the corner what do i do with my life now? as if planned by the fates themselves, this also marks my 200th book of the year, and the timing is rather fitting given i've just finished [b:Where All Paths Meet 124583932 Where All Paths Meet (The Adventures of Holloway Holmes #3) Gregory Ashe https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1680106166l/124583932.SY75.jpg 145986652], like the end of one arc meeting another.this genre is nowhere near my standard fare, and with noir-style stories known for their bleakness and despair, i was pleasantly surprised with the final HFN - hopeful, albeit with some unresolved bits and just enough details to scratch the surface. i could've done with more of a follow-up with everyone after the Big Battle, but that's my usual feedback with GA books because i'm a greedy reader
Rounding up because of the light it shines on chronic illnesses, specifically Crohn's disease.
The balance of things made this read not for me. The pacing felt a bit wonky and the push-and-pull arguably could've been cut shorter, or at least needed a change up in execution here and there. I would've appreciated more explanation for Caleb's sudden dedication and steadfastness when it comes to Drake, given he has a reputation for sleeping around and not doing relationships. He just turned on a switch and was somehow ready to romance the pants off of Drake.
Drake does the majority of pushing away in the relationship, but I was able to see, for the most part, where he was coming from with his own struggles and insecurities and past experiences. And then, when the incident happens and he takes it beyond to 110, ouch. But as a fellow self-blamer who left an adjacent field out of being at a loss as to how to carry the emotional burden, I wanted to give him the biggest hug.
Nov 2024: Reread this for the fourth(!) time and it still stands as one of my favorite MM books of all time. The depiction and evolution of Colin's self-hatred is genuinely peak literature.
——————
“You were as much in prison as anyone I knew there, Colin. Only you created it for yourself. Your father paced out the cell and your brothers fit the bars and you turned the key in the lock and buried it somewhere only you know. And you stared at Daniel through the bars and cursed him for being able to walk out the door. But he's not the one who did something wrong. All he did was save himself. And you can too. But you have to find that key and unlock the door.”
⚠️ spoilers littered throughout ⚠️
[4.7] brethren, sistren, and compeers beyond the binary: stash away your pitchforks and extinguish your torches for i have officially boarded the Shane & Ilya train strikes a pose with gymnastics-level flourish
i like to go into books as blind as possible, even if it means forgoing the blurb, so when this book was first recommended to me back in the day, i didn't have much to go on besides: (1) the odd comment or two of “eURgh bLEurgH ILyA haVe mY BAbiEs,” (2) the cover's disembodied bare chests of the male species, (3) the vague idea that we're talking NHL, and (4) the title which sprung up images of rival hockey players going into heat on the ice (clear evidence of my indulgent forays into the omegaverse but i'd fork over cold hard cash to read a book with this premise #somebodymakeithappen winkwinknudgenudge
[3.5] huge respect to the creators for shining a spotlight on the struggles trans people have to deal with, especially once they're out! i do wish the story were longer for the sake of relationship and (secondary) character development—Bebe and her family, mainly her dad, finally being on the same page felt a bit incomplete to me—but still a powerful sapphic graphic novel in and of itself
[2.75] oh nooo we're stuck in a wicked storm and there's only one hotel room left, guess we have to share the single bed
[4.5] SO MUCH SNARKY GOODNESS
I'm admittedly not a fan of reading about politics and royals (too much drama, too much division), but I live for banter and humor. Spoon feed me heaps of it and I'll surely fall in love.
While this story felt longer than it needed to be, with the pacing veering on the slower side, it didn't detract from my overall enjoyment too much. Yes, this novel had us looking through rose-colored glasses, but I was actually perfectly okay with that. Especially after this past year, I appreciated the escape more than ever, although I can also understand the flipside of it further highlighting the injustices and setbacks present in our reality.
As a side note, I watched the Meghan Markle and Prince Harry interview partway through reading this; some aspects of the story hit a bit different after.
[3.5] historical fiction admittedly isn't my favorite but can i just take a moment to applaud N.R. Walker for simply daring to write novels about androids, gladiators, Australian outback farmers, police detectives, vampires, etc.? the amount of creativity & research to write these stories must consume so much brain power
i adore slow burn friends-to-lovers and the mcs were decently endearing, but for reasons i can't quite put my finger on, i kept checking how much time was left on the audiobook
[2.8] the idea of finding yourself in a library with infinite paths in life to choose from is such a promising premise but the story's execution left much to be desired.
the noticeable lack of depth around the topics of mental health had the lessons being hammered continuously into my head reek with superficiality, and a good chunk of the story was lost to the monotony of universe-hopping. i had a rough time scrounging up the energy to care for Nora's character when most of her forays into alternate worlds consisted of watching her flounder in awkward conversations/situations as she made attempts to grasp her newfound place in some other life.
the conclusion was corny and idealistically sweet, serving its purpose as a cursory reminder that we have an infinite number of possibilities right in front of us for the taking, but the journey till this point was dreadfully insipid and didn't leave me feeling as inspired and invigorated as i'd hoped.
moral of the story in a nutshell: hindsight is truly 20/20
As a huge fan of The Spectral Files, I knew I had to read S.E. Harmon's other works and oh did I want to love this so badly—friends-to-lovers, sports romance, yum!! But to be honest, I don't think I could've gotten through this if it hadn't been for the audiobook.
I liked Kelly as a character and so having even the slightest of emotional attachments to him can explain why it HURT SO MUCH to watch him get his heart stomped on again and again (and again) because he couldn't put his foot down whenever it came to Blue.
Speaking of Blue, instead of whack-a-mole, how about whack-a-Blue?
and with this short story collection's official release, that's a wrap! Gregory Ashe is the definition of “i see it, i like it, i want it, i write it” - i don't know any other author who's taken the hard-won cumulation of 37 books to write a 4+1 part love letter to his 8 brainchildren. the fact that he only began publicly speaking on the project in 2022 and actively wrote these books over the past year to get ‘er done will never cease to blow my mind.
hopefully he can finally give his braincells a proper rest after all the juggling he's had to do. in the meantime, i'm off to celebrate by listening to the latest BGFP episode where he talks about his patron platform! https://jeffandwill.com/biggayfictionpodcast/2024/02/12/episode-447-gregory-ashe-creates-the-advanced-ashochism-reader-community/
————
*my sole piece of advice: no sneaking a peek at the blurb until you've finished book 2, The Girl in the Wind. place your trust in me, your most loyal street peddler
compared to the other mysteries and developments we've seen so far, this one was notably less compelling with more stumbling upon facts/happenings than true investigation. as for Ellery and Jack's relationship, i fully expect fights to happen, but i had to side eye a few of their interactions in this one - and i can't say i was entirely satisfied with the resolution. at least Watson remains his doggy best! hopefully the next book makes up for the lows
⚠️ for the sake of your sanity and ears, i advise readers to not listen to the audiobook ⚠️
(you can thank me later)
[2.7] the narrator's fine in a general sense but his voice for Kip, a Brooklyn boy in his mid 20s, was a travesty. i don't know how else to describe it except to say his voice was like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Eeyore, Trump and the peasant character from WoW produced a child and that child was half-stoned and trying too hard to go another few notches lower in his already-deep register. not to say that he is because Kip is a good boy, but this interpretation had me thinking his character was a little....slow in the head.
for those who haven't heard the peasant's lines in og warcraft, i leave you with this link: https://youtu.be/PoMhMZZjbGg. for those who have had the misfortune of hearing Kip's voice before, please tell me you can see the connection LMAO (okay so i may or may not be slightly
*i tried to be vague or use spoiler tags, but proceed with caution if you were planning to go into the book completely blind!
[3.4~3.5? pending...] please do not perceive me as i don my cone of shame. this rating is by no means low on my scale, but for all the raving reviews and recommendations, i think it counts as yet another emotional must-read that left my expectations unmet and mind conflicted.
this is not a romance, but a story of flawed humans and family, of love in its numerous forms, an exploration of sexuality and sexual attraction, insatiable libidos and lust, oftentimes with incestuous undertones (or rather, overtones).
if i were to rate solely on the spellbinding quality of her prose, Suanne Laqueur would get all the stars. she's one of those authors who make you wish you could see the world from their eyes, because oh how infinitely vibrant and beautiful it must look. how many details do i miss as i go about my days?
i considered it hook, line, and sinker with how the two 9/11's were depicted in stark horror. the chillingly painful beginnings of Alex's arc, the zero punches pulled in Jav's backstory, those were the moments that left me leaning back in my seat to silently digest their journeys, their trauma, their reactions. it was everything else, the other 400 pages, the no lack of padding between those compelling passages that focused on a story different from what i foresaw in those first few chapters, that came up short.
while there's a mountain of forever quotes to ponder and chew over, i couldn't help but find the tale overly ambitious in its scope. balancing five pov characters is no easy feat and can easily compromise the structural integrity of a story's bones. that's one of the areas where the disjointed feelings seeped through: Ari's and Deane's perspectives felt redundant in the grand scheme of events. they served their purpose well as plot devices for the twists and serendipitous turn of events, but i never thought rounding out the narrative required circling back to their heads. there's a few random details like the sporadic use of affected Slavic accents (that was basically Yoda-speak LOL) or why they let Casey get so close to Deane again after her accident, among others that i didn't quite get. i won't comment directly on a certain reveal, but Val, you are much stronger than me.
the biggest disconnect i faced was how relationships and emotions were nearly always framed in the context of sexual emotions, never far from the grind and slide of bodies. as if outside that, there's not much else to say. and that is in no way true when looking at the subtext and their interior landscapes, but i'd have loved for a balance to have been struck, wished those featured more heavily in the writing itself. even if i'm likely misconstruing the intentions of thoughts like Alex's “He barely recognized their relationship without its sexual current,” gosh does it feel like downplaying the decades they've been there for each other, through thick and thin, to their chemistry in bed. the continuous tying back to some form of carnality in each and every relationship, even when i understood deep-down that there was more than meets the eye, felt limiting and cheapened what was laid before us. for such a hefty read already, i think this is a case where less would've been more.
i'm in the vast minority (again), but perhaps this is the sword i am meant to fall on (multiple times). at least i found the ending to be the perfect jump-off point for Jav's "to be continued" - i'm beginning to view this book as more of a prequel to the story i've been waiting for: happiness for Jav.