laur gluchie

3.5 Stars

2024 Reflection Time: My feelings are so conflicted. It wasn't as awful as I first remembered but it wasn't great either. Dunno. Need time to think. Leaving my original review up for transparency and also because it's iconic as fuck.

2022 Review:

Buddy read with Kayla!

I normally don't rate books that I don't finish but this completely deserves it. This was extremely disappointing. But honestly, I went in expecting something like this.

This book was written by two popular sixteen year-old parents-are-Republican preppy-cheerleader-type girls and you can't convince me otherwise. I think that the authors's goal here was to get me to never say another bad thing about Michael Waldron or Chris Chibnall's writing ever again (and it nearly worked). It's cringy, it's poorly-written, and it's a shitty Harry Potter/Winx Club/Victorious fanfiction. With typos and grammatical errors galore, I completely understand why this was self-published. If I was a publisher and was offered this, I would laugh in their faces and kick their asses to the curb. This read like something I would find in the depths of thirteen year-old me's Wattpad library. It literally has me wondering how this series is so popular.

I have been told by many (including my bookish group chat friends who have been pestering me to read this for weeks) that this series gets better in later books. However, I would rather stab myself multiple times than force myself to read any more of this. Honestly I wanted to get a bit further in this book since it was my first buddy read but I just couldn't continue torturing myself. Sorry to my friends who like toxic aLpHa males but I'm done. I'm so fucking done. Cope.

And the true queen of Solaria is my girl Stella thank you very much.

TL;DR this one should've stayed in the Wattpad drafts besties.

Original Rating: 1 Star

Edit: I found this on YouTube and it's my new favorite video on the internet. <3

I don't even know what to say. Yes I do lmao.

When I first started Gild, I was horrified not only by the absurd amount of graphic on-page sexual violence and overwhelming misogyny from every single male character, but also by the main character's Stockholm syndrome, stupidity, and whininess. Auren, who I unfortunately have to share 83% of my first name with, is one of the worst main characters I've ever had to read about. Actually, none of the characters were enjoyable. None of the plot, if you could go as far as to say that this book even had a plot, was enjoyable. This read like a glorified, drawn-out prequel or prologue, with no substance except to set up the upcoming novels. I'm trying to think of a redeemable quality this book has... it was a fast read?

I DNF'ed this book twice while reading it, first at the 10% mark and again at the 50% mark. I picked it up again twice in the hopes that the hype was real and that it would get better by the end— spoiler: it doesn't. This is a boring, shitty, awful, poorly-written book. By the 60% mark, I had lost any hope for this book and I was basically just skimming and hate-reading. Though fortunately for me, things started picking up with the pirates and the Fourth Kingdom plot— though the misogyny and sexual violence was still uncomfortably rampant.

When I finished this, out of pure wonder and curiosity for what the fuck I just read, I went down a Goodreads-TikTok-Reddit rabbit hole only to see that a lot of other people agree with me and think that this book is absolute shit. And while it feels nice to be validated in my feelings, these people have also unanimously agreed that the second, third, and so-on books get better and better and that it's worth it to push through this pile of utter garbage. So, against my better judgment and because I just can't help but be morbidly intrigued, I will be reading the next book, and maybe the book after that. At minimum it will be a hate-read to fuel my stress into. I'm done.

TL;DR: It is SO bad I wanna give it a zero, but that's not possible so I give it a one.

Edit: raising my rating a little because hindsight is an interesting thing. still the worst one in the series tho.

[Listened to the audiobook narrated by Lola Tung.]

2.5 Stars

all of these children need therapy good god.

lowkey i think belly reminds me of that lovesick bitch panini and conrad is just chowder screaming “I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND” over and over and over and over and

u get my point.

been binge-watching chowder recently and it's a bit concerning that the only way i've been able to comprehend these books are in chowder references.

[7th Grade]

SUCKED. FAT. PANCAKESSSS.

As I am a person who loves the Twilight movies, I was very excited to read this book. I went into this book knowing barely anything and I truly wasn't expecting The Greatest Story In The World™. I have to admit that my first readthrough of this book was a DNF. The second time I read it, it turned out to be one of the first books I had ever read in one sitting. The story enthralled me to the point of where I literally couldn't put the book down! The characters were well written and the ending was a huge plot twist!! I love this book and I highly recommend it!