Edrie Elen
Funny how many things you forget when you've only read the book once, but seen the movie a million times.
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Re-reading on audiobook!
Moved this to Want-to-Read because with the way the episodes on Vella work, there's no real way to measure the progress through the story/book. I might wait until or if it comes out in book form...the lack of knowing how much further I have to go kind of drives me nuts, even if 16 episodes in I was really intrigued and wanted to know more about the story!
Merged review:
Moved this to Want-to-Read because with the way the episodes on Vella work, there's no real way to measure the progress through the story/book. I might wait until or if it comes out in book form...the lack of knowing how much further I have to go kind of drives me nuts, even if 16 episodes in I was really intrigued and wanted to know more about the story!
Oh. My. God. I'm going to officially die while waiting for this book. Holy fucking shit. They could not have found a better author for Merida's story!!!!
I saw an unattributed quote online, and googled it only to find it was from this book β and the author is one of the only poets I really enjoy. Which meant I immediately downloaded it and proceeded to devour it in one sitting. Please note I am not a poetry connoisseur by any stretch. I had to take a class on poetry in college and promptly tried to forget everything about it because I don't care about iambic pentameter or what the hell ever. I only care about how the words hit my soul, and Trista Mateer's work absolutely land home.
While this book was written during the isolation phase of the 2020 pandemic, the words and feelings expressed really feel relatable for anyone who is lonely β whether that's a more temporary thing, or a way of living.
lonely is lonelier when you say it out loud and I'd swear by that
when I'm not checking to see if someone texted me I'm waiting to check
passing time until I can look at the phone once again hoping I just missed the buzz
One day you're complaining about the exhaustion and your friend says, what are you talking about? There's a ladder right over there. Just get out and dry off.
But you don't understand. And you're scared of what's over there. You've got no idea what it feels like to stand
on two feet.
You don't remember
not being
in the water
I crawled on broken glass to get here. You better believe I'm living it up. I will swallow stars if I want to. May my dreams come true. May my enemies eat shit. Times are tough but I'm a fucking nightmare. I have my boot on the throat of hell right now. Watch me beat my demons into submission. Surviving's ugly work and here I am, so hideously alive.
You're going to be happy again. Your own delight is going to catch you so off guard one day. I don't know when it'll happen or how long it'll take but that future where you're loved and joyous, it's waiting for you. And it's content to wait. You don't need to go chasing it down right now. It'll find you. All you have to do now is rest. Breathe. Tend to yourself. You'll find your way home.
I was trying to figure out why this showed up on my recommendations. And then I realized it's a sequel (of sorts) to Archer's Voice.
Take my fucking money already.
Both horribly and deliciously sleepy. Recommend to be read curled on the couch with, at the very least, a cuddly four-legged companion, if a spare human is not available.
Shockingly (I've been in a reading slump), I knocked this out in one day. It was good - if I wasn't a jaded 30-something it would probably have been great, but the love interest just progressed way too quickly to put much faith in, for me. Still might read the second book, and will definitely check out Stone's other works.
This was so incredibly stinkin' cute. And the narration is AMAZING. Loved them both!
Wow, I literally started reading this over a year ago. Time to shelve it and quit guilting myself, I think. I'll have to start it over anyway!
Starting a re-read, there are so many books out in this series now, and I remember it being funny as hell. Not sure why I only gave 3 stars? But we'll see. Re-reads for the win!
WHAAAAAAAAT NO. I wasn't even that invested (no seriously, I wasn't!) and now I am just absolutely and utterly crushed and I'll be over here soaking in some wine.......
I finally finished reading this book. I really wanted it to be the first thing I reviewed on the shiny new blog, for whatever reason. So here we are! I had been hearing about Polysecure basically since it came out, but due to life circumstances and my very ADHD self getting distracted by a million other shiny things, it took me until now to read it. I have to say I wish I had read it immediately upon its release. It would have been SO helpful over the last year. I'm glad to have the information and insight it's provided now, of course - and I will highly recommend it to anyone and everyone who has the slightest interest in non-monogamy or polyamory either for themselves or just to understand the relationship dynamic and lifestyle of a friend or loved one.
If you want to read my immediate reactions to reading, you can see my status updates here. So many good quotes!
I was slightly put off when I realized the foreward was written by Eve Rickert, co-author of More Than Two. More Than Two's other author has come under a lot of criticism by his former partners and the nonmonogamous (NM) world in general for his abusive practices. I have not (yet) read More Than Two for this reason and I was hesitant to continue to read Polysecure when I saw Eve's name in conjunction with it - BUT! But but. She states in the foreward that she is aware of the harm that More Than Two has caused, and indeed she wrote quite a lengthy blog post about it that you can read here. For further perspective on the More Than Two saga scandal, I recommend reading this post from Polyamory for Us.
Polysecure is based on the attachment theory of relationships, which has become extremely popular on social media and in mainstream media over the past few years. As with any concept that gains widespread popularity there is now a lot of misinformation and misuse or misapplication of information surrounding it, which leads some people to want to throw out the concept altogether. Fern does an excellent job of relating the concepts of the theory in layman's terms and also of reminding the reader that it is just a theory. She also emphasizes that just because a person may have tendencies to one or other of the attachment styles, that does not mean that we should take on that style as part of our identity but that the categories and labels are simply tools to help us understand ourselves and our partners, and to help us on our growth journey to self discovery. It's also important to note that the book also gives recommendations and advice in good faith - that is, the assumption is made that all the people involved in a relationship are operating with the best interest of everyone else in mind, and are not engaging in toxic or abusive behaviors. This is not the book for working with a narcissist, for example. Mental health struggles are also not really addressed. So again there is an assumption of ability here, which is to some extent warranted. Mental health problems are not an excuse of a get-out-of-jail free card to be unethical in our relationship behaviors, but they do sometimes limit what people are capable of dealing with and the amount of energy they have to put into and navigate relationships. What is worth sticking out and working through for one person may not be for another, for a myriad of reasons.
I'm going to break it down by chapters - there is so much information here and I think that sometimes people will be coming to the book looking for something more specific than what the chapter headers can tell them. Also I realize that sometimes when relationships are under duress, we simply don't have the mental and emotional bandwidth to read through the entirety of a book like this one, no matter how accessibly written! So here we go. I'm including a quote that I found particularly good at the end of each chapter section.
Part 1 - the why and wherefore
Chapter 1
Buckle up - this is the longest chapter in the book, and it can feel like a total slog at times. Especially if you're not particularly interested in the psychology behind attachment theory! BUT. Please, please take the time and put in the effort to read this chapter, even if you skip chapters 2 and 3. It is worth it, and in my opinion is essential to understanding why later courses of action are recommended. It discusses all the different styles of attachment, and includes some checklists and questions to help you discover which one you might lean towards. There is also some substantial discussion on the origin of attachment theory and why despite obvious differences between the child/caregiver (the original attachment theory) and adult/adult relationships, many of the concepts are still applicable. An overview of each of the four styles (secure, avoidant, anxious, and disorganized) is given, with a short list of common ways they present as well as scenarios that could have prompted the development of them.
βWe learn to self-regulate through our connections with our attachment figures...we have to figure out how to identify and articulate our emotional states and then find ways to self-soothe as a healthy response instead of pulling away, shutting down or lashing out in emotional reactivity. We also need to learn how to healthily rely on others and to figure out when it's appropriate to seek support from them to help regulate our emotions.β
Chapter 2
βOur boundaries are the ways we protect ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally. They are how we establish our sovereignty, as well as how we open ourselves to others. Our boundaries are the meeting point between ourselves and another - the point at which we can be both separate and connected.β
Chapter 3
βWhat happens when the same societal structures that grant men superiority also deny them the full range of human emotions and threaten their status as men if they experience even the slightest form of sensitivity, vulnerability or indication of their needs for love, emotional safety and tenderness (basically, if men admit to having any attachment needs at all)?β
Part 2
Chapter 4
βLove is not possessive or a finite resource; it is normal to be attracted to more than one person at the same time; there are multiple ways to practice love, sexual and intimate relationships; and jealousy is not something to be avoided or feared, but something that can be informative and worked through.β
Chapter 5
β...relying too much on the structure of the relationship to ensure and safeguard secure attachment instead of the quality of relating between partners to forge secure attachment. When we rely on the structure of our relationship, whether that is through being monogamous with someone or practicing hierarchical forms of CNM [consensual nonmonogamy], we run the risk of forgetting that secure attachment is an embodied expression built upon how we consistently respond and attune to each other, not something that gets created through structure and hierarchy. Secure attachment is created through the quality of experience we have with our partners, not through the notion or the fact of either being married or being a primary partner.β
Chapter 6
βMonogamy can buffer us from our own personal insecurities. These may or may not be attachment based, but can be rooted in relational or cultural traumas and anxieties about our achievements, looks, intellectual abilities, likability, etc. When we commit to a longterm monogamous partnership or get married, these insecurities may still show up now and again, but many of them get eclipsed by the very fact that we have someone who has devoted themselves to us, someone who we think will love us and stay with us no matter how pimply our butt gets, no matter how much our body changes or no matter how stained and worn-out our underwear becomes. In such cases our self-esteem and sense of self-worth are contingent upon our partner being monogamously committed to us instead of anchored in our own internal sense of self-worth, self-love and self esteem.β
Part 3
Chapter 7
βOur attachment figures might be the people we feel levels of connection, compatibility or intensity with right from the start for reasons that we just can't explain, or they may be the people with whom our romantic attachments have organically grown in potency and depth over time.β
Chapter 8
βRepair attempts are much more successful when there is a pre-existing relationship culture of understanding each other, expressing gratitude and regularly doing nice things for each other, which supports the relationship in being better able to withstand the inevitable storms.β
Chapter 9
βYou are the source of your happiness, love, courage, emotional regulation and purpose, and the sooner you can release your partner from being the source of these experiences the better for everyone involved (metamours included)...You must be a priority in your own life. Secure attachment with yourself means being aware of your feelings and desires, as well as being able to tend to your own needs and knowing how to advocate for them in relationships.β
Chapter 10
βLove is infinite, but time and resources are not.β
Well folks, looks like I've found another one! Thoroughly enjoyed this. More of a review/better review to come!
Audio Notes: Listened at 1.2x speed. The narrator has a very nice, interesting voice. He adds slight accents for different direct character quotations, nothing over the top. Would definitely listen to something narrated by Jonathan Davis again!
I'd never heard of Nat Arno. Or of the Newark Nazis. Or had any idea that there was a large Nazi movement in the United States before World War 2. Not sure if my memory is just lacking, or my history education, or possibly (probably) both.
The Minuteman is a quick dive into the world of the Jewish mob in New Jersey in the 1930s, the unrest that brewed there and in other cities with both large German and Jewish populations, and a look at the life of Nat Arno, a Jewish boxer turned gangster, and his often violent fight against the rising Nazi movement in his home state. While his methods can't exactly be condoned - even if he tried to avoid outright killing anyone, he was unapologetically violent in breaking up Nazi meetings and demonstrations - his dogged defense of his own people and culture and early recognition of what the Nazi groups were heading towards certainly played a large part in events of those years leading up to America's involvement in the war.
The author compares the Minutemen to modern day Antifa, not an exact correspondence but some of the methods and attitudes are implied to be the same. There are a ton of reviews on Audible that are absolutely OUTRAGED at this comparison. It seems like neither group is one that an entirely logical, law-abiding citizen would want to emulate, and both were/are organizations that take aim at groups that spew hate and bigotry about one group of people or another. I don't have much more knowledge of Antifa than I do of the Minutemen, so I'll leave it at that. Just the level of pearl-clutching outrage in the reviews because of the comparison seems a bit overblown.
This book definitely improved on the first one in the series! I pre-ordered the 3rd one after finishing this one.
~Check out all my reviews over on The Bent Bookworm!~
Regency romances aren't really my thing, but I was drawn in by the synopsis of this one. When the request for extended blog coverage came out I jumped on it. I'm very excited to say that I really loved it!! Totally surprised myself, and well done to the author! How to Capture a Duke is the third book in the Raven Club series, but it can completely be read as a standalone. The other two books are based around Lady Olivia's brother and sister, and after reading this one I really want to read their stories β but it is definitely not necessary to have done so before diving into this one!
I loved Olivia's spunk and the way she continually made the best of a bad situation, and my heart absolutely ached for Tristan. Despite his privilege as a duke, his heart and soul have been badly trampled by society. It's really a wonder he didn't turn out to be a complete ass! Oh, and they're completely hot for each other. There are a couple of SIZZLING sex scenes. You have been warned! Also, Tristan's grandmama is the bomb. I love her so much. She is absolutely amazing and I want to be her when I grow up.
I have a lovely excerpt to share, so I'm keeping my review short and sweet. You really don't want to miss the excerpt so be sure to keep reading! There's also a giveaway at the end of the post, so be sure to enter that as well.
Hated the tropes this book used. Hated. But the writing was good. Would read a different genre by this author.
