Eduardo Santiago
Reviews suggested this was sweet. It was. But also lifeless and contrived. The characters go through their motions as the story requires, responding to stimuli, but I never got a sense of why or of who they are. Jane consistently addresses them by role — “the wife,” “the brother,” “the stepchild” — so this distancing is intentional, but why? She writes like she wants us to care for the characters, and she even interjects occasional PSAs on the preciousness of life and relationships, but it’s all Tell, no Show.
Kudos for originality and pacing: some fun creative ideas, with nicely done foreshadowing and reveals. Way too many loose ends and side plots that went nowhere, but hey, first work. Give her time.
Reviews suggested this was sweet. It was. But also lifeless and contrived. The characters go through their motions as the story requires, responding to stimuli, but I never got a sense of why or of who they are. Jane consistently addresses them by role — “the wife,” “the brother,” “the stepchild” — so this distancing is intentional, but why? She writes like she wants us to care for the characters, and she even interjects occasional PSAs on the preciousness of life and relationships, but it’s all Tell, no Show.
Kudos for originality and pacing: some fun creative ideas, with nicely done foreshadowing and reveals. Way too many loose ends and side plots that went nowhere, but hey, first work. Give her time.