Vampires Never Get Old: Tales with Fresh Bite

Overall I really enjoyed this anthology! As is my general MO I preferred the funnier stories to the darker ones, but there's something here for everyone, and as the title promises, it's great to see some fresh stories that represent a wider spectrum of humanity and, uh, vampirity? Anyway I'd love a full book of Julie Murphy's queer cheerleader/slayer and the new vampire girl in town.

I love vampires and the hunters thereof. I revel in the gritty, grimdark universes of games like Vampire: the Masquerade and movies like Underworld. I soak up the ridiculous fluff and attempts at PG-13 edginess in things like Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Shadowhunters. As a teen, I drew vampire cats for fun, and as an adult I still play vampire RPGs and write stories about them. But let's be honest, here: at some point, the stories begin blending together and the variety well runs dry. Enter this book, which promises a revolution - a collection of stories which spark renewed interest and provide a bold, new take on these creatures.

To say I had high hopes would be a severe understatement. I was fresh on the heels of a dull book and hoping for something to renew my interest in reading. Then I made it one sentence into the preface and sighed when the editors referred to themselves as “editrixes.” I just... no. It's an anachronistic term - one which conjures mental images of librarians in dominatrix gear - used to other females despite the much less explicit-sounding term “editor” being gender-neutral in modern usage. It felt as if they were trying way too hard, especially in the little blurbs after each story where they explained the concept in the language of an excited teen writing a blog. Often, this included the kind of leading questions more suited for a grade school literary class. (None added anything of value to the experience.)

Frankly, I wish the editors had spent more time editing the stories (which contain several typos and grammatical errors) than trying to be profound. I also wish they'd been more selective, because most of these stories aren't all that fresh or exciting. Sure, there's more representation than a vast majority of the genre, but rep tossed atop overdone tropes does not create a fresh, new take on vampires; it just makes a slightly more diverse re-hashing.

But I digress. Here's my takeaway from each story:

Seven Nights for Dying by Tessa Gratton ???????????????

Concept: Fledgling vampires are slowly transformed over the course of a week and must actively choose to be turned.

The Good: Excellent idea!

The Bad: Rambling, flat writing makes this one a chore to read. It doesn't help that we're given a main character who's a terrible friend (girlfriend?) and lies about something very important.

The Headscratcher: Where's the line between “her zits would go away” and “her belly fat would remain,” really? Both are aspects of a person's body which are difficult to control and cause self-image issues, but apparently being overweight is just meant to be part of who she is and acne isn't. Guess we only get body positivity for one thing we're constantly shamed for by society... while perpetuating the lacking acceptance of another.

Verdict: I would love to see this concept taken on by someone else, because I liked the idea and hated the execution. But lose the condescending “this is who you're meant to be” rhetoric because it just plain doesn't work.

The Boys from Blood River by Rebecca Roanhorse ???????????????

Concept: A specific song is rumoured to summon a band of vampires who turn the people that sing along... for a price.

The Good: I adore the concept of this story. It has an intense focus on emotional elements, but in an interesting way; I love a good character study.

The Bad: As a matter of personal preference, any character who thinks “I'm being a jerk and I know it, but I won't take it back” after treating a kind-hearted person like literal trash is not someone I want as a protagonist in things I read.

The Headscratcher: The writing feels flat and rushed - like reading detached, random excerpts from various chapters in a novel. Character motives ring hollow and the lore feels a touch unpolished, because it all just changes at the drop of a dime between sections with no rhyme or reason.

Verdict: I would love to see this one adapted into an indie movie or episode of an anthology horror show.

Senior Year Sucks by Julie Murphy ??????????????? (DNF)

Concept: Tough female protagonist is a teenage vampire hunter who tries to balance high school and slaughtering vamps.

The Good: If there is any, I didn't make it far enough to see.

The Bad: The main character is just too obnoxious of a narrator to endure. I also got sick of the nonchalant mentions of slaughtering rattlesnakes. No, thanks.

The Headscratcher: How do teen vamp slayers exist in a world where Buffy also exists to be used as a pop culture reference?

Verdict: I couldn't do it. This one is just too much of a wannabe Buffy homage - no, the self-aware mention thereof does not make it better. I quit two pages in and never looked back.

The Boy and the Bell by Heidi Heilig ???????????????

Concept: Will, a young “Resurrection Man” - aka a grave robber in times long past - buys his way into classes as an aspiring doctor by supplying cadavers to the school. Strange things happen when a relic of his past resurfaces.

The Good: Will's inner turmoil as a transboy who still suffers the monthly ails of his physical body sparked my empathy in full force. The writing style is engaging and fluid and the main character is easy to like.

The Bad: Will gets tormented about being trans and it's incredibly difficult to read, though it is necessary to the story's plot. I had to take a moment once or twice just to stop feeling fury on his behalf.

The Headscratcher: None! This story left my scalp flake-free.

Verdict: I loved this one! The way the story's told sucked me in - pun intended - and kept me engaged, unlike the previous stories. I want a whole series about Will fighting vampires and living his best life as a doctor.

A Guidebook For the Newly Sired Desi Vampire by Samira Ahmed ???????????????

Concept: This is exactly what it says on the tin, written as a literal guidebook for young vampires unwillingly sired in India.

The Good: It tackles worldbuilding and exposing readers to new cultures and providing sociopolitical commentary in a way which feels natural and impactful. The conversational style is also very engaging.

The Bad: Something could be said of using colonialism as an excuse for murdering tourists, but I personally didn't mind. Vampires need a source of food, and going after outsiders makes sense to me - especially in these circumstances.

The Headscratcher: None! The kindle app was very useful to educate myself on unfamiliar terms and the worldbuilding, while a touch sci-fi, felt believable within the story's context.

Verdict: The format probably doesn't work for a full length novel, but I still would love to see the author try to expand this world, perhaps as a series of faux blog posts.

In Kind by Kayla Whaley ???????????????

Concept: A disabled girl is “mercy killed” by her father, but she never wanted to die. A vampire saves her, and she must come to terms with what her new existence and her father's actions all mean.

The Good: I like the concept and how it explores the thin line between empathy and condescension where disabled individuals are concerned. I also love the idea of vampirism not being a cure-all to make everyone it affects suddenly able-bodied.

The Bad: I don't think this story handled the lore as well as it could have. Additionally, I wasn't too keen on the portions told through faux newspaper clippings. The narrative voice doesn't sound authentically like a news article and instead comes across as an exposition dump each time.

The Headscratcher: Vampirism is stated to restore the main character's muscles, creating new density in them and making her so strong she's at risk of giving herself whiplash when she moves her head. If vampirism can cure her lifelong muscle weakness to such an extreme, how are we to believe a few atrophied tendons in her legs can't have flexibility restored? It seems to have done this in her arms, which are described as being able to move better than ever before...

Verdict: Inconsistent lore is one of my pet peeves, and having to stop and ponder the logistics took away from some of my enjoyment with this story. However, it provided much food for thought, and I didn't dislike it overall.


Vampires Never Say Die by Zoraida C??rdova & Natalie C. Parker ???????????????

Concept: A teenage social media influencer may or may not have a crush on her online best friend, a very old vampire who was turned while still quite young. They meet on Instagram, become close, and ultimately the mortal accidentally falls into the world her friend rules as the local leader among vamps.

The Good: Honestly, I was expecting something horrible and gross from other reviews, but this one's actually quite cute and fascinating. It never felt like catfishing or creepiness, even with the obvious crush neither character acknowledges.

The Bad: I found Theolinda (the human) to be kind of annoying in just how much a Zoomer she is. Her slang and manner of thinking were often obnoxious.

The Headscratcher: All the vamps are completely blatant and one even offers blood to a mortal. How have they not been slayed by now?!

Verdict: I wouldn't want a full length novel with these characters, but as a short story I think this one is pretty good.

Bestiary by Laura Ruby ???????????????

Concept: I'm not sure. I know it involves the main character being able to speak to animals and being some kind of monster with a plethora of vaguely mentioned superpowers. Also, it takes place in a sci-fi dystopia which feels completely discordant with the actual content of the story.

The Good: I like the idea of someone bonding with and talking to animals...?

The Bad: The main character is a teenage goth who people think is an addict - and also she's suicidal, and also she's an assault survivor, and also her parents are abusive, and also she's tough and scary, and also she is irresistible, and also she can talk to animals, and also... Global warming has decimated water availability and pushed Chicago into a heat wave. A rich CEO controls water prices. Brain implants for cell phones and cameras are a thing. Public transit was wiped out by auto-driving taxis. There's a “bird flu” epidemic. There's an attempted rape scene. The creepy character agrees when called a creep. I'm sure I'm missing some things, but basically this story is an overwhelming dredge of every possible dystopian horror trope and the main character might actually be Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

The Headscratcher: The whole thing, frankly. Everything about it is confusing and strange.

Verdict: I kept reading, hoping for there to be an actual point. There was not, and my time was wasted.

Mirrors, Windows & Selfies by Mark Oshiro ???????????????

Concept: What if that ARG or creative roleplay you're reading is actually true? What if vampires are real and the rare offspring thereof are hunted for being different? Self-discovery and loneliness are explored along with the desperate attempts to find freedom as an over protected child.

The Good: The aching reality of being overly sheltered, isolated, and feeling crushingly alone is expertly weaved together with fascinating lore. I also enjoyed the slow burn worldbuilding which had me begging for more at every page turn.

The Bad: The faux blog format is fine and all, but the comments on the stories are cringe-worthy in how obviously manufactured they are. It's a frustrating contrast from how real the main character's voice sounds.

The Headscratcher: Why would preventing Cisco from seeing himself be a protection? This is never explained.

Verdict: I. Want. More. I want full novels of these characters. I want to know more about this new take on vampires. Gimme more!

The House of Black Sapphires by Dhonielle Clayton ???????????????

Concept: The Eternal are a special kind of vampire, impossible to destroy by any means other than the power of Shadow Barons. They can birth children from mortal couplings and can turn lovers who become their spouses. We follow a family of Eternals as they move into New Orleans and interact with their new home.

The Good: The setting is interesting and the concept is both fascinating and thought-provoking. I also found most of the characters to be likable and feel very realistic.

The Bad: The mother's very rude and sometimes mean to her children to the point it broke my heart. Also, the writing feels very dense and the lore is provided in exposition dumps... until the end, when so many important questions are left unanswered.

The Headscratcher: “Mama would have Sora infuse blood with spices and herbs. This unlocked their deep flavors and exaggerated latent talents and memories hidden in mortal hemoglobin, the result giving the most glorious high.” ... What?

Verdict: The ending is deeply unsatisfying, which leaves me wanting more in a frustrated sort of way. I had high hopes going into this story, and while I don't fully dislike it I do feel disappointed.

First Kill by V.E. Schwab ???????????????

Concept: Two teenage girls have a mutual crush, but one is a vampire and one is a hunter. Each is desperate for family approval and must find a way to balance that against emotional hesitance.

The Good: I liked the family dynamic between the hunters. It felt like Supernatural before the show got ridiculous, with an added element of diversity. The lore surrounding the hunters was also really cool!

The Bad: “People aren't straight, they just don't know better,” is spoken by a side character who has a crush on a het guy and nobody tells him how gross and rapey that sounds. Also, the only likable characters are barely there on the sidelines.

The Headscratcher: Blood kept in capsules in a medicine bottle. Blood brewed in a coffee pot. Blood being made entirely too freaking warm and not going rancid. A game of truth or dare wherein some people get to choose but if it's plot convenient then they're given a dare they don't request.

Verdict: I want a book series about the family of hunters, but with the vampires retconned out. Make this have just been a dream or something. I didn't care for the broken vampire lore or the done-to-death “should I kill you or love you” dynamic. That hunter lore, though... Gimme more!

**

Overall, I was unimpressed. Now, don't get me wrong: there are some gems in this collection, and there are some which blend the overdone elements with interesting, new ideas. I just feel that this collection is a dud brought up to averageness only by the strength of its better stories. I had such high hopes, but I leave this collection feeling unsatisfied.

Average Rating : ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.1

The editor's note at the beginning talk about the various literature through which readers have gotten introduced to the lore of vampires through the years, but I think my first encounter was through Twilight and The Vampire Diaries; that too after a couple of movies/seasons had already released respectively. But I did go on to read a lot of paranormal stuff after and developed a love for vampire stories. So when I saw the announcement for this anthology, I was very excited because I really was ready to explore these creatures of the night outside of the cis, white, male, thin, hot cliche we were so used to.

And this collection truly delivers. We have amazing Black and brown representation here, alongwith vampires across a whole spectrum of gender and sexuality, and it was such a delight to read these stories. The editors also give some details about the inspirations for each of these stories, about the myths they are based upon, and the themes that are being addressed - I really appreciated that extra commentary because it gave me so much more insight. Within this collection are stories full of grief, pain, excitement, loneliness and various other emotions, and I think all of you will find something that will connect with you. My desi heart was obviously delighted with Samira's story the most, but you could say I'm biased.

If you are a vampire lover, this is a fun collection of stories to explore and I would definitely recommend it. Below you can read my detailed thoughts on each of the stories:

Seven Nights for Dying by Tessa Gratton

We are so used to stories of vampires full of violence and force, so this was refreshing in the sense that it was very quiet and contemplative with the main theme being about choice. What if you could live forever ? Would you wanna be a vampire? What should drive this decision - anger, grief.. or just love. I really enjoyed the idea behind this one.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Boys from Blood River by Rebecca Roanhorse

In contrast to the first story, this one also is about choice, how a young Native gay boy who has lost almost everything and is bullied constantly in his small town feels like he has nothing left but would love to not be alone, even if it means becoming a vampire. But how much is he ready to sacrifice for it ?

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

Senior Year Sucks by Julie Murphy

Told from the POV of a young fat vampire slayer/ cheerleading team captain in a Texas small town, this is a story about having to do your duty even if that's not all you want to do, but still trying to make choices that feel true to yourself. And all the dangerous sexy tension between this slayer and the vampire girl she meets is just a delightful added bonus.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

The Boy and the Bell by Heidi Heilig

Set around the time of Bram Stoker's Dracula release, this one featuring a trans protagonist is an interesting take on what it means to be human and wanting to be something that you aren't allowed to be; while also making a fascinating comparison between vampires and the rice and privileged people of the time.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

A Guidebook for the Newly Sired Desi Vampire by Samira Ahmed

I knew I was gonna love this before I even started. Written as a online how to guide to be a new teen desi vampire, this was both hilarious and profound with the usual instructions you would assume to give someone new, but also full of desiness that delighted me. From taking digs at British colonizers to American capitalists to Zuck, while also mentioning memorable places and food in the motherland - this was amazing. I also thought it was interesting to see vampirism and colonialism as parallels, sucking blood literally and metaphorically out of normal people. And I'm still reveling in the nostalgia of seeing the mention of Sultan Bazaar (which happens to be a huge and bustling area full of street markets in Hyderabad), a place I've visited quite a bit in my childhood, in a book published in the US. Now I just want more desi vampire stories.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

In Kind by Kayla Whaley

Featuring a completely wheelchair bound young woman turned vampire, this story takes a dark but important look at both the difficulty that caregivers have in providing the required support for their disabled children, as well as throws light onto the horrific aspect of mercy killings where the caregivers (aka murderers) are considered being merciful but no one ever asks the disabled person what they wanted to do with their life. This was hard to read but also empowering towards the end.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

Vampires Never Say Die by Zoraida Córdova & Natalie C. Parker

A story about an unlikely Instagram friendship between a human and a vampire, the kinds of connections that can be built online amidst all the fake online personas we create, the beginning of a beautiful relationship, the difference we can make in the world if we get to live forever - and all of this happening with the backdrop of stabby vampire politics. This was both poetic and intense and very intriguing.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

Bestiary by Laura Ruby

This was such a unique tale - set in a time where earth has been ravaged by climate change, there's food and water scarcity and the Uber rich control these resources even more - our protagonist is a shape shifting vampire who was betrayed when turned but she finds solace in the company of animals at the zoo she works at. I absolutely loved her interactions with the bear and the lionesses, and also her older boss.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

Mirrors, Windows & Selfies by Mark Oshiro

A boy who shouldn't exist, sheltered and isolated all his life, having never even seen a mirror, uses his blog to put out all his thoughts just to feel a little less lonely. His story and the comments he gets are interesting to read but there's so much pain laced with hope in his predicament, and I just wanted him to be able to get out into the world and find himself. As always, Mark Oshiro's writing is stunning and emotional, packing a punch.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The House of Black Sapphires by Dhonielle Clayton

I loved this story more for its setting of an Eternal version of New Orleans where all kinds of immortals live and I thought the descriptions of the city as well as the ball that takes place and the overall ambience was very beautiful. Added to that was some delicious attraction between two immortals who are enemies, and it made for a cool story. The open ending however, did leave me wanting, and it felt more like the beginning of a new story than the end of one.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

First Kill by Victoria “V. E.” Schwab

This is also in a way similar to the previous story, two young high school senior girls who are attracted to each other unexpectedly find that one can't escape her thirst for blood while the other can't forget her destiny of being a supernatural hunter.. This definitely had a more fun vibe but that ending was super cool.

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️