Twilight

★★★☆☆ —1) Twilight
★☆☆☆☆ —2) New Moon
★☆☆☆☆ —3) Eclipse
★★★★☆ —4) Breaking Dawn

I devoured (no pun intended) the Twilight series growing up, after Harry Potter and Percy Jackson but before The Hunger Games. After finishing the first, I was adamant: “This is what love is. I get it now.” Instead of Team Edward or Jacob, I landed on Jasper, because I was a very cool fan, and by that I mean I'm an anxious person and the idea of a partner who could regulate my neuroticism for me was alluring.

As Twilight surged in popularity, much of the praise was drowned out by intense derision. The writing was laughably bad. Bella wasn't even a character; why was she so universally desired? The younger fans were insufferable. The older fans were embarrassing. The vampires were feminine, probably even gay. So flamboyant, to allow yourself to sparkle like that. Twilight represented the downfall of young adult literature and the paranormal fantasy genre as a whole. It was all the proof we needed that women, young and old, are superficial fangirls lacking both composure and taste. Nothing attracts more gleeful vitriol than teenage girls, and what they love.

In the years since first reading the series, I've found myself in a tug-of-war. The amount of genuine upset lobbed at this franchise, its fans, and its author were unwarranted and unfair, and, I believe, fueled by sexism and ageism (& garnished with homophobia).
That being said, Twilight taught millions of young, impressionable, mostly female readers about intimacy and relationships. Dry nonfiction, health classes, and awkward talks with parents don't hold a candle to a fun romp full of angst and passion that you and all your friends are talking about. The impact of Twilight in shaping the minds of its readers by framing certain behaviors and dynamics as attractive cannot be overstated. Romanticizing a possessive, isolating relationship with someone who loves you but overtly wants to hurt you has dangerous implications.

Essay done with, this wasn't as bad as I feared. However, it was still bad. Very nostalgic, very easy to gobble up quick, but in many ways troubling. I'm between 2 and 3 stars, but I think this may be as good as it gets, so I'm feeling generous. Here are some of my takeaways:
- Edward chuckled so many times that at one point I said angrily, out loud, to the air, “you GOTTA stop chuckling”- Charlie has apparently only been feeding himself fried eggs for seventeen years, and doesn't even wash the dishes after Bella cooks. This is why Renee left you, bud- Why does Bella refer to both of her parents by their first names? Phil I get, but not them- I am concerned Bella may have an actual inner-ear issue. Her clumsiness is laughably over the top and an active impediment to her daily life. She also refers to herself as handicapped more than once- Edward is a stalker and Bella is pleased when she finds out- Edward has sudden mood swings and bursts of rage that Bella and the reader are meant to interpret as indicative of his superlative love for Bella- Bella panics constantly about Edward leaving her, and Edward keeps reassuring her that he'll never leave but then immediately backtracking to say he must abandon her for her safety- I would prefer if Edward would just explain things to Bella instead of physically dragging her all over like she's a ragdoll. You know, like a relationship- The running theme of Edward thinking he knows better than Bella what is best for her is paternalistic, controlling, and removes what little agency she has. If someone is crying after you trick them into going to prom, don't insist they come to prom with you. The number of times Bella was put in or out of cars while vehemently protesting makes Edward seem more like a kidnapper than a boyfriend- If you are immortal, why would you choose to relive your high school years perpetually? This is like the final form of college kids hanging around their grade school years after the fact. You're 150, all-powerful, gorgeous, and a psychic, and you're at prom? Make it make sense- Overwhelmingly Mormon. The focus on eternal life and love, Edward horndogging over Bella's long khaki skirt (???), all the “natural man is an enemy to God” shame Edward is tormented by, Bella focusing on what she can do to make things easier on Edward as he struggles with how much he desires her

Onto New Moon I sprint. Also, here's some interesting video essays about Twilight by Lindsay Ellis, Big Joel, and Sarah Z, for anyone interested.