The Ungrateful Refugee

4.5

Quite an eye-opening book on the refugee experience. Mixed together with different refugee stories, Nayeri tells her own live story, how her family fled Iran a few years after the Islamic Revolution, first to Dubai, then a camp in Italy and finally to America, in order to avoid prosecution after converting to Christianity.

Chronologically she goes through the steps every refugee has to endure: the actual escape, the restless waiting at an interim camp, the quest for official asylum, the never-ending assimilation process. And every step along the way, the refugee needs to create their narrative, tell their truths in such a way that it convinces immigration officers that one is worthy to receive help.

There's a cultural clash between what western cultures want to hear (the American wants heroic tales, the Dutch wants pure facts without contradictions) and how other cultures tell their stories. And lot of the time those stories are not easy to tell, just consider experiences tied to shame (persecution of homosexuality, rape victims).

In a world that will see more and more refugee crisis in the years to come, the question as to who is worthy to receive asylum, is a tricky one. Niyari points out the cruel contradiction that the West hates the ‘economic' refugee, while at the same time badmouthing the ‘broken' immigrant who has a hard time assimilating and contributing.

What an absolutely haunting yet necessary read.

The writing style is so brutal and evocative – I genuinely might have made at least 50 highlights over the course of the book. There were so many lines that just hit like a gut punch, almost like something you want to wince away from but you just can't stop reading. The emotions in this book bleed over so clearly that even as a person born and raised in America and 100% white, I felt like I was transported into situations and emotions I've never experienced and likely never will.

This was a very heavy read, but I don't regret reading it for a second. The way she described how impossibly hopeless it is to be a refugee, how you have to convince people that you've been through something terrible but you have to do it the right way, you have to prove you suffered in the specific ways that convince them that you deserve safety; it's just utterly heartbreaking.

I wish I could think of more to say about this book because it was truly unlike anything else I've ever read, but all I can say is that it will sit with me for a long time and I hope I learned a few things from it that I'll carry with me.